i have social anxiety and an interview tomorrow! I don't want to go! help!

[Riversided]

I on a whim applied for a job which I don't really even fulfill the essential criteria for and got an interview. I'm now bloody shit scared. I'm trying to prep but I can't focus and am so nervous.

I would like to get the job. It's a really good organisation to work for and the pay is much better than what Im on now.

I have such an overwhelming urge to cancel. I can't cope with the nerves.

What can I do to think straight?!

Riverside I just wanted to come on and say I'm high fiving you just for even going today, the thought of a job interview makes me go cold 💐

ShootTheRunner Omg I hope you get it! I was a sahp for nearly 6 years until a couple of years ago. I so want to run away too. !

GinGenie thank you. I know most people are nervous at interviews but my issues are a million times worse. And I don't really acknowledge how much courage it takes to do go.

Riversided, well done! You should give yourself credit for going through with it, for facing your fears and doing it anyway.
And you found that they were nice, they didn't bite, nothing terrible happened. You will either get the job or not, and you gave it a try.
Remember this for the future - that you are capable, that you CAN go to interviews, that you can overcome your fears. The more you do this sort of thing, the more you will reinforce your confidence. Be proud of yourself, and best wishes for a great job, whether it's this one or another one waiting for you to apply.

Well done for going. With interviews, the more you do them the easier they get, don't let this experience put you off trying to get out of your current job.

I'm the same as you OP trust me, the thought of a job interview - or any kind of scary board meeting even with people I know - terrifies me. I just want to run all the way home and lock the door. I shake, my voice shakes, I sound like I'm out of breath, which I am because I'm hyperventilating, everything feels dizzy and echo-ish. Full on panic attack. It's absolutely vile. Then of course the embarrassment afterwards of having people see you in such a state. But you didn't cancel, you DID it! I hope I can be as brave as you one day. I also really hope you get the job x

Well done for going, OP, that was very brave!

I really hope you get the job.

If getting really anxious is a regular thing, you might want to think about getting a regular relaxation practice going, as these things (breathing, meditation etc), always work far better when you are used to doing them. You will find it much easier to transition to relaxed mode when stressed if you are well practiced in it. Hypnotherapy is also great for anxiety.

OP, I used to interview people and one thing to beat in mind is that they want to find the best person for the job, not the person who's really good at interviews.

Several times we opted for someone whose interview wasn't great, but who just seemed like they'd be a good "fit", over someone who came across as very "polished" but just seemed like they'd read a book on interview technique.

BlackWhitePurple thanks. The thing I keep playing back to myself is that I couldn't come up with an example for 3 of the questions, I just can't think on my feet and I'm not good with giving examples. I just told them what I would do.

I felt that I really let myself down for that as I will have scored nothing for those . questions.

I also don't come across as confident so I don't think that helps either.

Massive well done for going, that is a huge achievement in itself

I have terrible generalised anxiety and social phobia disorder.

The only way I managed to get through all my job interviews was to think they don’t actually personally know me, they don’t know I get clammy and super nervous so I can be whoever I like to them. So I acted, sounds silly. But I went in with my head held high and ‘pretended’ to be ultra confident and not nervous at all.

It worked, I got offered 3 jobs and felt amazing when I came out considering 40 minutes beforehand I was sweating and shaking in the car.

Best of luck to you OP!

Just an update.

Not surprisingly, I didn't get the job. They actually emailed me 2 days later even though they said it would be after the new year as they were still interviewing throughout. I must have been so shit that they said no before even having interviewed everyone. I don't think getting a better paid job than nmw is out of my reach.

That last sentence should have read

I think getting a better paid job than nmw is out of my reach.

Hi I think you are being very hard on yourself. You said from the start that you didn't meet the essential criteria. You therefore did very well to get to interview, the lack of essential criteria may well be the reason for not progressing.

You'll only improve through practice and learning techniques, so stick at it!

I didn't get the job the first few times I got interviews. I wasn't hugely nervous but because I had been at home for 5+ years, I struggled with the examples they wanted to hear about.

What really helped was heading home straight after the interview and writing down the questions they asked me (or as much as I could remember), so I was able to think about them as part of preparing for the next interview. As I was applying for similar roles, the same sorts of questions came up. It really helped.

Well you won't get it sat in your house so you will have more chance if you go as opposed to zero chance if you don't .. nothing ventured nothing gained !

PurpleCrazyHorse yes i did write down all the questions I could remember for next time.

I know I just need to stay positive and continue applying

@RiversidedRiverside please be kind to yourself. So, you didn’t get this job, look at what you did do:

• wrote a CV/ application
• was selected for an interview
• had lots of positives, experience and skills which is why you were interviewed
• went to the interview, which is tricky for everyone, but especially for anyone with anxiety
• prepared for the interview
• answered questions in the interview
• got yourself there and back again
• improved your chances simply by that practice. I promise next time will be easier ( not easy, but easier).

You should be so proud of yourself. Next steps:

• email thanking them for time and any feedback
• keep job hunting,
• remind yourself of how well you’ve been doing.

Tablefor4 I did email them back asking for feedback and was told I answered ok on some of the questions and that I appeared very nervous and lacked confidence which they thought was understandable however it's important to demonstrate a certain level of confidence in my skills and body language which I didn't.

They also said the usual the standard of applicants was very high etc but I know I never had a chance.

I felt so humiliated reading it back. Honestly my social anxiety has ruined my life. I just feel like crying. I've been like this since such a young age. It's hindered me in so many ways. I just float though life not really living it.

Oh @Riversided - please don't worry, let alone be humiliated.

Again, look at what you did do. Plus, now you know that you answered some of the questions ok.

I'm so sorry you feel so sad about it all - your comment about floating through life, not living it. Do you think you might be able to do something about your anxiety? I don't know much about it, but if you re-post there are bound to be good suggestions for books/TED/CBT/whatever. Someone IRL.

But above all, you took a huge step forward with your anxiety just by applying for this job and going to the interview AND asking for feedback. That's massive and I hope you are proud of yourself for that.

Please don’t beat yourself up so much. You have social anxiety and you went for an interview. That’s amazing. OH has a job now but before he got this one he drove to a few interviews and didn’t even go in.
Look at the positives

Tablefor4 I don't feel proud for going at all. I can't see the good in it. I find it humiliating. If I just didn't do well or wasn't the strongest candidate I would be able to deal with it better but I know my anxiety and low self confidence has played a huge part in it. It was embarrassing being told that it's important to have a certain level of positive body language and confidence - like I don't already hate myself enough about not being confident..its just another kick in the teeth.

aibutohavethisusername I'm glad your oh has found a job. It totally sucks. I too have cancelled lots of interviews.

@Riversided I agree with tablefor4 - you should be proud of getting to interview stage, going to the interview and asking for feedback. I never ask for feedback!
Part of you deep down must have wanted to know what they thought so you could move on and get better within yourself rather than pretend all is ok.
Good luck