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Original poster

If you are American... are bedbugs a really big issue?

41 replies

alltoomuchrightnow · 15/12/2019 20:45

As in, common, a big concern (obviously I get it's a big issue if they are actually present... but are most Americans pre occupied with the risk of them?)
I'm trying to establish if 'friend' (ex friend really) is totally bat shit, a bit bat shit, or actually has a really valid concern... There are many reasons why I don't really want to be around her, but one of the biggest that has caused a rift between us is.. bed bugs.. or rather, no bed bugs! Zero! At least if there were actual bugs, there would be a concrete reason to have drifted!
She is American, I'm British, we both live near each other in England. Bed bugs are something I'd never really thought about until I met her. I backpacked in Australia once, there was concern that some backpackers at my hostel had 'brought in' bed bugs with them from SE Asia, people started vacating the hostel, but nothing was found, no one was bitten and nothing more was said. I couldn't even tell you what one looks like... it's so far off 'things I worry about' (and I do worry about a lot! So I did show her a lot of tolerance) especially here in the UK (even when I managed charity shops it never crossed my mind... we did get fleas in donations though...)
Friend has an obsession with bed bugs. As I understand, she's never been bitten but has stayed in hotels where they've been. She is very well travelled and still travels a lot for work. So I get that yes, it's likely she could come across them even in posh hotels. But in the last few years she's been intolerable (I did post about her ages ago but don't think I mentioned bugs... the verdict was that yes she was nuts..I did maintain boundaries as suggested, but right now I'm trying to reach a conclusion re this particular 'bugging' issue (sorry!) as until recently DP has been having to work where she lives , so it's a constant issue.
She has immense fear that someone could be bringing them into her home. She does a lot of work from home and at one point I was helping her out and doing some work with her in her office. But I couldn't stand to be around her anymore.
An example..one day I arrived with new sandals, she started screaming I had to remove then in case I'm bringing in the dreaded bugs. I pointed out that they were fresh from the shelves of River Island and that's not a shop known for its bed bug infestation. Anyway I went barefoot as no shoes allowed and she went nuts at that saying just as bad as I could spread something. I was really insulted by this as I was straight from the shower, also I look after my feet, they are always well groomed! She said if I was to continue to come round she'd get me some 'indoor shoes'. I said I don't wear slippers , also it was mid summer, very very humid, and she refused to open any windows or doors because she was scared of (other) bugs coming in.
I guess this is OCD with her and she can't help it but it's one of the reasons I stopped going round.
Which is kind of sad as... there were never any bugs in the first place!
She's the one that travels... I've only left the UK once in years... I should have turned it round and said I don't want to visit her house for fear of the bugs she picks up on her travels!

OP posts:
WellErrr · 15/12/2019 21:06

She sounds like she has quite bad anxiety problems, poor thing. Bit of compassion maybe?

pelirocco123 · 15/12/2019 21:10

Nothing to do with her nationality , how odd you should think that

SquashedFlyBiscuit · 15/12/2019 21:10

I think not wanting ourdoor shoes indoors is really quite common. Aside from bugs.

Original poster
alltoomuchrightnow · 15/12/2019 21:10

I have bad anxiety and PTSD. I've shown loads of compassion. She never extended me the same courtesy really. This is just one single problem of many .

OP posts:
Original poster
alltoomuchrightnow · 15/12/2019 21:14

The outdoors shoes I"m fine with. Not a problem. But I've had a few years of her maintaining I must have them in my shoes/clothes/bags etc.. she also freaked about my clean bare feet as I said. I did accommodate her as started bringing socks round to change into but she didn't like that either.
I mentioned her nationality as from talking to her I gathered bed bugs must be a big issue over there. She told me most Americans were concerned with it. I've never heard it from other friends from there and I have relatives there too.. It's american hotels she's been in that had the bed bugs.

OP posts:
thenightsky · 15/12/2019 21:15

I think there was an issue with New York hotels and bedbugs a few years ago. Not sure its still an issue. That's the only thing that springs to mind when you say America and bedbugs in the same sentence.

Original poster
alltoomuchrightnow · 15/12/2019 21:19

Basically it got to the point where I think I would have needed a sheep dip before I was allowed in. Also she was dictating all sorts to me such as I can't mention where we live on Facebook, (as in even area - I don't mean houses, that's fair enough... you do have to be careful) and that i had to talk quietly as neighbours were listening in through the windows. Her house is stand alone. It all smacks of mental illness to me. She was seeing a counseller but didn't keep it up, sadly. I was seeing her most days at one time as I was concerned about her (she was physically unwell for while) and she wouldn't leave me alone . But she was harrassing me in the end. I took advice on here and made boundaries. Her partner left her because she was such hard work. But he came back and she's pretty much dropped me since then. I do miss her to extent but I know if I was to pop around and see how she is it would be back to square one. Also lately she's been very nasty to my DP

OP posts:
Original poster
alltoomuchrightnow · 15/12/2019 21:19

(Neighbours were never listening in... she has paranoia)

OP posts:
SquashedFlyBiscuit · 15/12/2019 21:21

She sounds like she might be unwell and need help.

RuffleCrow · 15/12/2019 21:24

It sounds like you answered your own question - you know it's about her mental health not her nationality.

Binterested · 15/12/2019 21:26

She sounds a bit unwell tbh.

I do have an American acquaintance who moaned nonstop about how our houses don’t have bugscreens at the windows so I guess bugs in general may be more of a thing there than here. She didn’t seem to get that on the whole they are not necessary here. Unless you are in Scotland and bothered by midges Im not sure we would ever have a need for them.

As for bed bugs I know NY had a problem. But none of the New Yorkers I know have that concern here. I think she may just be a little unwell.

helpfulperson · 15/12/2019 21:27

I could be wrong but ive always thought bed bugs were like nits. Horrible creatures to be avoided and destroyed if possible but actually just unpleasant rather than dangerous.

Original poster
alltoomuchrightnow · 15/12/2019 21:31

Yes I worry about her mental health. However when her DP came back she stopped her counselling as thought him returning was a sign she would stop working on her issues. And I've done so much for her and cared about her and she really has been nasty lately.
I'm taking a backseat but I hope she does re evaluate her situation as when single it did force her to address her issues.

OP posts:
MiniGuinness · 15/12/2019 21:35

I don’t think it is odd that the OP mentions her nationality at all, it is well known that there are higher incidences of bed bug infestations in the US as it is considerably hotter. Recent news has shown they are also becoming insecticide resistant.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 15/12/2019 21:39

Um, she's your 'ex-friend'. So lets cut the thinly veiled compassion.

You've already stated she has therapy, but then stopped going when her DP came back. You've said you're going to take a backseat.

Whats your real AIBU? Other than just to bitch about this woman?

MollyButton · 15/12/2019 21:43

There are a lot more bugs in the US than the UK - that's why they have bug screens. You just have to be around in the evening to hear the sound difference.

I believe it is something to do with the last Ice Age - mountains in Europe tend to go East West, so stopped species easily migrating south and then returning north after the last ice age. In the American continent their mountain ranges are North South, so didn't present such a barrier. It's also why they have such colourful autumns, the trees needed to develop better protection against bugs, and these produced more vibrant reds in autumn.

Your "friend" sounds like she has a mental health issue.

ivegotthisyeah · 15/12/2019 21:46

I have experienced bed bugs twice once back packing and once in a upmarket hotel in the lakes. It sent me over the edge so I kind of understand where she is coming from. I would t stay anywhere but home for a long time and still now check the beds etc when staying out.
When you have been affected by them is does mentally affect you I became obsessed with it and would be close to tears at the possibility of it happening again. They are pure torture, it's hard to explain but it defo messes with your head it sounds mad but by god I wouldn't wish it on my own enemy

Original poster
alltoomuchrightnow · 15/12/2019 21:50

To bitch?? Umm no. Other way round. She's been vile to DP lately (also cost him a lot of work..but that's another story I won't go into as potentially outing and not my story to tell) and she dropped me like a ton of bricks when he DP came back...not the other way round. I have invited her out numerous times (away from the house) and she's declined. She's also been a major bitch to every woman we know , she is especially bad to single woman as she thinks they are all after her DP (they aren't). So why did I still bother with her? I was concerned. Because when she's scared her DP away again she will have no friends and hit rock bottom again. But maybe that's what she needs to do. And also because I try and see the good in people . I"m a mug. I've mentioned about her before and everyone said to establish boundaries. I did but still kept seeing her as a friend. I came on here re the bugs as that's an issue keeps re occurring. Also her being vile to most people we know is an issue . I was there beyond the pale of 'duty' when she needed me and it got to the point she was harrassing me. She was not there for me when I needed and when her DP came back. I didn't want to cut her out completely because , guess what.. I'm a caring person.. more fool me.

OP posts:
Original poster
alltoomuchrightnow · 15/12/2019 21:52

Let'sall, she's not ex 'friend' because of bed bugs. It's because she's been so utterly horrible to others lately, and cost DP a huge amount of work and caused a massive rift in our circle of friends. Yet I tried not to take sides!
I brought up the bed bugs as I can't even go round see her and see where her head is at (I'm the eternal peace maker) as I know I'll have to go through the usual bed bug rigmarole to even get in the house

OP posts:
questionquestion1 · 15/12/2019 22:09

They are awful.

People have had PTSD diagnosed after having had them.

Original poster
alltoomuchrightnow · 15/12/2019 22:24

She's never been bitten by one.
However I fully accept it's a valid concern, that's why I came on here to ask it it was a US thing.
DP was certain it's an American thing as he's only ever heard Americans go on about them. He is over there a few months each year and does check beds. I've been there about 13 times and never thought to..I will in future. It was just never on my radar until her (and the brief mention when I was backpacking)
However, she's obviously taken things very far as doesn't want people in her house because of the risk, even people like me who've been holidaying in places like Skye that are not known for bed bugs - (midges of course is a whole different issue!)

OP posts:
TwinkleRedMoon · 15/12/2019 22:35

There are bedbugs in Glasgow so I would think they are in other cities in the UK. I would think they would also be in US. My neighbour had them and they spread to surrounding flats so I got some in mine. A girl I work with said she had them too. I have also read about a school being infested.

Your friend needs support.

HoldMyLobster · 15/12/2019 23:25

I don't know any Americans who worry about bedbugs particularly, but I only know maybe a thousand of the 350 million so I'm sure there are some out there who are paranoid about bedbugs.

DH travels and stays in hotels all over American pretty much all the time and has never experienced bedbugs or brought them home.

We do have screens on our windows because we're in New England and our state bird is the mosquito.

64sNewName · 15/12/2019 23:30

Bedbugs are massively difficult to get rid of once you have an infestation - it can cost thousands of pounds to clear them. Hence the ramped-up worry.

She sounds unwell though.

Troels · 15/12/2019 23:45

I'm American, and she's batshit crazy worrying about your new sandals.
We've never had bed bugs, never seen bed bugs and never worried about them. If you end up with them they easiest thing to do is throw away your matresses, pillows and duvets and steam clean the carpets mutiple times, buy new suitcases and teddies and other things they live in/on.
We used to have Clark pest control come by the house monthly, but we lived out in the countryside, and they only sprayed outside. We had ants, wasps, all kinds of spiders, field mice, scorpions, lizards. The only time they came in was my mistake. I left a bag of Chicken feed in the attached garage. It was 40C and we got Weevils in the kitchen in flour, and other stuff. Since then all flour went n the freezer.
I had to throw out all the food they were in, clear out the kitchen cupboards, so they vacuumed and sprayed. Then I had to rewash all the dishes pans and cultery in the dishwasher and put the kitchen back together the next day. with a 4 day old baby in the house
I would like bug screens on the windows though. That way I can leave open windows in summer in UK without being terrorized by daddy long legs coming in. That and flies.

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