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Original poster

Someone I like and respect at work really hurt me at the Christmas party

45 replies

BubblesTheOfficeWorker · 15/12/2019 19:01

And to make it worse, they weren't meaning to do that, but I can't help but feel hurt about it anyway.

I've been working in the same place for 9 years and it is very tight knit. I'm 30 and I've never had a boyfriend. It does quite upset me and this time of year (plus the stupid 'thirtieth' thing) has been really hard.

An older woman I really look up to and respect kept bloody well going on about it and by god it hurt :(

OP posts:
Longtalljosie · 15/12/2019 19:03

Was she pissed? Flowers for you. It’s a horrid time of year to be long-term single. Bloody Mariah Carey...

FREEM · 15/12/2019 19:03

ah doesn't sound good.
can you speak to her and explain how it made you feel and maybe chat .

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 15/12/2019 19:03

So how did they "hurt" you??

Original poster
BubblesTheOfficeWorker · 15/12/2019 19:05

Tipsy at most. I think I'm going to try and let it blow over because I hate drawing attention to myself.

OP posts:
Breastfeedingworries · 15/12/2019 19:06

It’s a rough time of year to be single 😢 I’m in the same boat Flowers

Ullupullu · 15/12/2019 19:09

Why does she / anyone at work know about your private life that much? Rise above it and act like it doesn't bother you.

Emeraldshamrock · 15/12/2019 19:12

She is a dick. There is more to life than being in a relationship.
Does she know it is a sore point for you? Was she pissed? She's probably mortified today, I expect she'll apologise.
Close knit companies and Christmas parties sting, I skipped mine, I don't give a shite if anyone talked about me.
The usual if you're not there your ears may burn.

AnFiadhRuaRua · 15/12/2019 19:12

Yes sounds like she tried to tell you what you already know, as though that will help you.

She didn't say anything helpful either. If it does hurt you/bother you, she could have spoken about it with something helpful but not at the christmas party!

She might be really embarrassed thinking back over it.

Original poster
BubblesTheOfficeWorker · 15/12/2019 19:13

We've all worked together for at least 9 years so you do pick up on peoples' lives.

It's awful. She kept saying 'You'd be such a great mum, you need to start settling down' I want that more than anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
BubblesTheOfficeWorker · 15/12/2019 19:14

I am quite good at staying cheerful (I hope!), so I think they might have thought I was more up for discussing than I am.

OP posts:
AnFiadhRuaRua · 15/12/2019 19:15

I hadn't had a serious relationship at 29/30
I wish I could go back and say to myself, have psychotherapy, research attachment styles. But instead I panicked and ''settled'' for a relationship that looked ok from the outside but I felt nothing (except later, fear)

8 sessions in psychotherapy and subscribe to Brianna McWilliams to research attachments styles..... that's what I would say to myself at 30 if I could.

Palavah · 15/12/2019 19:16

First of all she could butt out of your business.
Secondly, she probably thought she was paying you a compliment and being helpful.
Thirdly, you're only 30. You have time to settle down and be a mum if that's what you want.

This is not a good time of year for rational thinking about this sort of thing, so just try to give yourself a bit of a reality check.

Wotrewelookinat · 15/12/2019 19:19

Please don’t worry about being 30 and single. I was the same, then met my DH the following year. The only trouble is, once you meet someone and ‘settle down’ people feel they have a free reign to comment on your fertility, or lack of

Emeraldshamrock · 15/12/2019 19:21

We've all worked together for at least 9 years so you do pick up on peoples' lives
Same in my job, my main co worker, we know lots about each other, our DC, our partners, opposite sex.
In a small close knit company it becomes like your other family, there is 11 of us we are an off branch and all very close, I know nothing about anyone in head office so I'm not a nosey parker in general.

shivermetimbers77 · 15/12/2019 19:21

Hi OP, that sounds really painful.. Just wondering, what sort of things did she go on about? Was it in a perhaps well-intentioned but clumsily stated "I cannot believe you're single, lets try to get you a partner" kind of way, or something more obviously cruel? The former is perhaps forgivable (although still worth having a chat about to let
her know it hurt), but the latter is out of order.

Ohpleasefuckofflove · 15/12/2019 19:21

Oh OP It’s awful but at least she didn’t say it in such a way that you get a boyfriend!

Ohpleasefuckofflove · 15/12/2019 19:22

Uh oh wasn’t meant to be couldn’t

helpfulperson · 15/12/2019 19:22

Or perhaps you dont want /won't have a relationship. That is far more common than most people realise. What i used to do to my sister in law when she did this was say something like 'the fact that i dont publicise my rampant sex life doesn't mean I don't have one' As it happens I don't but thats no-ones business but mine.

Original poster
BubblesTheOfficeWorker · 15/12/2019 19:27

Was it in a perhaps well-intentioned but clumsily stated "I cannot believe you're single, lets try to get you a partner" kind of way,

Yes, it was all well intentioned and kind but awful at the same time. It's just got to the point where I dread the 'seeing anyone, Bubbles?' question. Half of my family think I'm gay and the other half think I have a man in every port. Dreading Christmas Xmas Sad

Thank you for the recommendations, I will look Brianna McWilliam up.

OP posts:
Rainbowshine · 15/12/2019 19:34

She made a tactless comment without thinking, probably. I would try to not focus on it. Work Christmas parties are hell, someone always does something that leaves you thinking WTF.

Patroclus · 15/12/2019 19:42

Its a glorious time to be single. Do wtf you want dont have to put up with others shite family and TV.

Emeraldshamrock · 15/12/2019 19:48

Shes probably jealous.
I spent most of my 20's single loving myself. I always bought myself an expensive gift, perfume, an over night stay every Christmas.
At nearly 40 now with 2 DC and a DP I am lucky if I buy myself a pair of Christmas slippers.

Rainbowshine · 15/12/2019 19:50

After your last update I would just arm yourself with some bland responses to intrusive questions.

56Marshmallow · 15/12/2019 19:55

I had only a handle if 2-3 month long relationships by the time I was 30.

Everyone else seemed to find it so easy! I've since discovered that I'm autistic and so it all makes sense now, the reason why I'm not like other people.

Anyway, I wanted to tell you I met someone at 33, had kids and are still together. Don't write yourself off yet!

I remember the loneliness at this time of year, in particular.

YellowSubmarine94 · 15/12/2019 20:01

I'm 24 and I have never had a boyfriend either. Entirely my choice, I have no regrets. I was just never interested in relationships and just kept thinking of things I would rather have in life instead.

Obviously a lot of people will judge me on this as apparently "You can't be single and happy"

So sorry you are feeling upset.

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