Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

How to respond

5 replies

Pippinsqueak · 15/12/2019 16:01

Not sure where to put this, sort of a rant but also wwyd or say, bit of a long one too sorry.

First time mum. My little one is 11 months old. Never slept well. Ever. On a good night I get two hours at a time, on a bad night it's every half hour.

I've had so much advice, people telling what to do etc but I've just had to accept she's just a shit sleeper.

Anyway I had to go back to work after 9 months, I saved my annual leave so I could cut my week down to three days to help with childcare costs and to have a good work/life balance.

All was fine for the first few weeks but quickly my mental health went down hill through continued lack of sleeping.

I couldn't make decisions, I was crying all the time, I was ill constantly, making mistakes etc so after speaking to a health visitor I was signed off work with exhaustion.

Since then I've had comments along the lines of "oh that's what happens when you have a baby", "should have thought about this before you had her", "everyone gets tired", "think of single mums" "man up" etc

I know having some time off was the best thing for me and my family and I'm going back to work in the new year. Just had another one of those comments this morning and it's made me feel like a piece of shit and a failure as a mother.

If she slept better my mental state would be better and I could cope with everything but at the moment I m struggling.

I know there are people in worse situations, I'm lucky that I have a supportive family, husband and a happy healthy baby but night times are all on me as husband works nights.

How to I respond to these comments without sounding like a) a bitch or b) letting them talk to me like that.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 15/12/2019 16:06

I’d say “I’m not sure that’s a particularly kind or helpful comment to make when somebody is telling you they’ve had a very difficult time”.

You’ve absolutely made the right decision to take more time off. Hope things improve for you. Flowers

Pogmella · 15/12/2019 16:30

I’ve been a single mum to a baby and I nearly lost my job under the stress! That’s what (some) single mums find, it is pretty shit!

They sound like dicks. Maybe don’t share problem with them.

It is hard but it does get easier. Don’t listen to anyone that makes out life is some mad race to the bottom to see who has it toughest.

Agree with pp that responding ‘that’s not very helpful: there is no easy answer but it dies help me to vent occasionally’ maybe...

WarmSausageTea · 15/12/2019 16:32

“If you cant say anything kind or helpful, I’d rather you didn’t say anything at all.”

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Pippinsqueak · 15/12/2019 16:32

It's hard when it's people at work giving me these "helpful" comments or other mums. I don't talk to people about it in general as I know it's just asking for trouble. Thank you for the advice as well I was getting stuck with what to say x

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 15/12/2019 16:58

They’ve got experience parenting their own child, not yours. They aren’t living your life. They’re not you. Whether single mums have it harder or not is irrelevant to what’s going on in your situation-you’re telling them you’re finding things very difficult and they’re totally dismissing that. Not kind.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread