How to stop sil family being mean to Mil

[Kannet]

My MIl is a lovely lady, but very quiet and has simple tastes and does believe in quantity over quality.

Anyway a few years ago BIl and SIL invited her to Christmas dinner alongside SIL family. They all brought a course for a meal and mil was allocated dessert. She decided to go to Iceland and get loads of cheap frozen cheese cakes and vienettas. This wasn't about saving money it's just what she likes and assumed everyone else would.

SIL has mentioned that her family joke about it all the time. They thought she should have brought some fancy desserts and it's become a family joke

They have invited her again this year and again she has been allocated dessert and she plans to do the same thing. I can just imagine SIL rather nasty family nudging and laughing. I have tried to gently encourage to bring something different, but she keeps saying "it went down so well last time". I can't tell her that they where joking about her. She would be devastated. I really don't know what to do.

Don't do anything
She thinks it was fine before so clearly didn't notice anyone being mean about it.

Well , if she likes that , at least she will enjoy eating it . And , they will get their just desserts !

Just hate the idea of them "joking" about her. She really is very shy and they are very loud

It's not your job to intervene. If you thought they were being unpleasant when they mentioned it to you last time, you should have told them to take it up with your MIL.

How many people is she catering for, anyway? You could always suggest smaller amounts of something higher-quality, on the grounds that if it's Christmas dinner, no one will have an appetite for vast amounts of food, so there's simply no need to mass cater.

Well, they must have liked it as they asked her to do dessert again.
What does your BIL think? Is he aware of the situation?
Can you ask SIL why they have asked her to bring deserts again as they thought it was funny before?

I would tell her. She deserves to know she’s being jeered at and made a laughing stock. How humiliating for her to be whispered about behind her back. If I was her I’d want to know and I wouldn’t go for dinner with them again.

Interesting that they've allocated her dessert again. Either they secretly loved what she brought last time, or they're setting her up to be the butt of their jokes again.

It is mean and extremely snobby to have made a family joke of it.

How does your BIL tolerate that?

Is it just gentle ribbing or are they being horrible? We have never let my DM forget the time she was supposed to bring roast potatoes. She went into her freezer and took out Aunt Bessies best but when she got to ours she realised she had taken out frozen chips instead! It's the annual Christmas joke!

I wouldn’t want her to be the butt of jokes so would try to persuade her to go elsewhere for desserts.
They’re probably all looking forward to having a laugh at her expense again. Don’t give them the satisfaction.

It's hard to know. Bil can be a bit clueless and probably won't notice. I have asked dh to speak to him about it but they aren't great at communicating.

I think they probable see it as harmless joking round, but she is so shy she would be mortified.

I have offered to give her a homemade Christmas cake to take instead, she's worried that will be too heavy and is going to ask SIL.

they're setting her up to be the butt of their jokes again
I’d suspect this. Also suspect they think they’re ”posh” and MIL is less so. The only thing they are is nasty and I wouldn’t let them do it to poor MIL.

What did your SIL say exactly?

There's a difference between "she brought 20 cheesecakes and vienettas, my family thought it was hilarious" and "the stingy old bag, the bloody cheapskate only brought a load of Iceland desserts, my family think she's a right tightwad and still rip the piss out of her for it a year later".

They've asked her to bring desserts again so I'm going to suggest they enjoyed them, and as a PP said, it's a case of gentle ribbing rather than nasty taking the piss laughing at her.

PS. I bloody love vienetta, I'd be made up .

From
That SIL said, they thought it was just a bit rubbish and they wanted a fancy dessert.

There where about ten kids there though and I think they probably all loved it

They sound horrible and they have to live with that - there's the justice.
I wouldn't tell MIL - it will just upset her But I would try to help her out with an alternative pudding.

Your SIL sounds like a vulgar, crass woman, as do her family.

Do not become involved. You have told your husband. Leave it at that.

Ah we have a solution. Dh is going to drop round some "fancier" desserts and say they where a gift that we don't have room for. Save them going to waste! Would love to see their faces on the day

Brilliant! Result all round-would love to see their judgey faces drop this year!

They sound horrible but you are lovely OP.

We decided it's going to say we double shopped by mistake, as in we both bought dessert. She will believe that

I'd bloody love a load of vienettas! I'm writing my Christmas food list at the moment and mint vienetta is right at the top it's them, not her.

That's nice, she should still take some Iceland stuff though, the kids will love them.

That's brilliant of you, well done.

It was clearly a set up to continue to find it hilarious to have sneer at the poor relation.

Wankers

Tell SiL that if you hear of one snigger from any member of the family you will be inserting a well frozen vienetta up where her sun doesn't shine. See if that makes her behave!

(possible waste of a decent vienetta though...)