New mum of two finding it hard

[mummytotwo567732]

Think I'm just looking/hoping for reassurance it gets easier. Have a toddler and a newborn. Finding it so hard to balance both their needs. We live in a small two bedroom Terrance and the newborn often wakes my DS when he cries which is regularly throughout the night. DS then wants me to cuddle to get back to sleep but I'm often breastfeeding newborn DS. DH goes in but he cries for me and it's breaking my heart. I'm worried eventually it will affect my bond with both of them.
Also finding it overwhelming trying to get anything done as I can't leave the toddler and newborn alone together.
I'm abit all over the place at the minute and keep crying randomly. Any advice welcome.

This part is so hard as you feel torn to pieces. Try to look at it as a gift to tour son that his bond with dad get strengthened. You will find your way through this and you will find you have given your so so much in having a sibling. However I remember the early days and it's tough and feels like you will never get out of it. Then one day you suddenly realise that you have been doing this and doing it pretty good.

Your bond with both of them in my experience will get stronger. Try not to worry about getting things done talk with your partner and find ways for you to get some time and for the chores to be done. It will pass I promise

Tou are a great mum the very fact this worries you tells me that just keep telling yourself that.

Oh Op it's super hard. I had a similar situation and sometimes dp went in with ds1 and it definitely strengthened their bond and they both look fondly back on those day. On the occasions when dp wouldn't do, what we did was ds1 came into the big bed next to me and dp slept in his bed (luckily a double!) Could you try something similar?

No practical advice with regards to the nights as we formula-fed DC2 so could take it in turns but just wanted to empathise and say it is so tough and it is normal to find it so (age gap of 22 months). DC are 3.5 and 21 months now and although it's still hard, it is easier in that we're all in a routine now and I feel as though I know what I'm doing a bit more! But I do still struggle with balancing both their needs at times.

Does your DC1 attend any form of childcare? DC1 still going to nursery two days a week is pretty much what saved my sanity and as DC2 was a good napper, was when I managed to get anything done around the house.

Does DC1 still nap? Another thing that saved my sanity when DC2 went down to two naps (so DC2 was probably 7 months) was getting into a routine - DC2 would have a short nap early in the morning (I'd wake him up after 45 mins-hour) then we'd go out, home for lunch and then they'd both have a long nap after.

It may not seem like it now but it will get better.

I used to let my DS1 climb in bed with me when I was feeding DS2. I've got lovely memories of being cuddled up with both of them.

Mine are 14 & 12 now it does get easier. You have moments of frustration and it's like a rollercoaster. One point your think I've got this and then boom another couple of hard days then it goes back.
I cried so much for my eldest, when the newborn come alone but ds14 doesn't remember it, I filled his time up through the day, playgroups/ Parks/ family, I was so tired but it made me feel less guilty when I knew he had fun that day.
Also I shared my bed in the night with both, at times it was hard but it was really nice to have the cuddles and show him I was still his mummy

Thank you everyone for your lovely reassuring comments. We are just trying to work it out at the minute. Last night was particularly bad. We tried older DS coming into my bed but as newborn was cluster feeding he kept getting annoyed that I was sitting up to feed him. Hoping that when newborns feeding is a bit better this maybe a good idea.

I was going to write the same post today! Only mine are 4 years and baby is 5 months. No idea how we will get through the Christmas holidays as baby feeds all the time and is now up all night. Add telling the eldest about the family dog dying today I think it’s the closest I got to actually cracking up. As everyone says it gets easier (I keep repeating this, despite not believing it at all right now).

I have 6m and 19m olds. I have really found my stride in the last couple of weeks. They are also interacting really well together, now 6m can sit up. It's really lovely to watch.

It gets easier. One day at a time!

I had a small gap, between my two, it is really hard work I know, but it does get easier, it really does. My two are 18 and nearly 17 now, they are really good mates, I wouldn’t change it for the world. But I can imagine how you are feeling at the moment, I remember it well. My advice would be to take any offer of help you can get for now and try to enjoy them while they are little, because before you know it they are teens! Good luck OP.

Aww OP, this is the hardest bit, but you’ll get through it! Hold on Your bond with both of them will be absolutely fine.

Try and get as much rest/respite as you can (not easy I know), eat well, stay hydrated, look after yourself.

All will be well.