Help me get through today with my sanity intact

[MyGhastIsFlabbered]

DS2 (7) has been excluded for the day. The letter from the school says he's not allowed to be seen in a public place during school hours so we can't go anywhere, obviously he's not allowed any device or TV. He has school work to do but he's whining and moaning about not wanting to do it. I'm trying to break the day into manageable chunks but he's driving me to distraction already.

Help.

I’m sorry at his age I wouldn’t take any shit about not wanting to do the set school work while excluded. He sits his bum down at the table and gets it done, end of.

Once he’s worked a reasonable chunk of time, have a small 5 minute break (how long is each lesson at school? Ours are 40 minutes per session I think?) to kick a football round the garden or whatever but then it’s back inside.
Being excluded is a punishment, part of that is that he’s not meant to have a nice day off at home.
As for saving your sanity? Biscuits / gin.

What did he do that caused him to get excluded?
Can you relate a lesson in there somewhere? Or just find out what’s going on with him.
Play in the garden if you have one and do some practical things like get him to help make lunch or dinner or bake something.
Do some drawing, painting or crafty. Lots of ideas for simple stuff on YouTube.
Watch some tv but maybe a documentary.

I work in a primary school. It must have been something pretty bad to get him excluded, even for a day.

I'd be spending quite some time sitting him down and discussing his thoughts and actions and how consequences get tougher as he grows up.

He certainly shouldn't be getting any nice activities to do; exclusion from the school premises doesn't mean exclusion from getting his work done,

The letter from the school says he's not allowed to be seen in a public place during school hours so we can't go anywhere,

How can they possibly police that?
Surely all the staff will be in school!

And what jurisdiction do they have over public places ?

The reasons for his exclusion aren't relevant. He has been spoken to about what happened and that he can't behave this way.

The school have concerns about him anyway, he's on the SEN register and has been referred to the child development centre for assessment.

He certainly will not be having any fun today. But my god is it hard work. There's not enough tea/Prosecco/gin in the world

For those asking - the ‘staying away from a public place’ thing is in the education act - it’s not a school led policy. It applies to the first 5 days of an exclusion.

Thanks Frenchie ,I guess an excluded child should not take themselves off to the park or shopping centre to have fun .

What are the consequences if an excluded child is found doing that by a Community Officer /Police etc ? And how would the police check what the child's staus is ?

OP that sounds very hard for all involved .Sending you strength and hoping you can both get some help soon .

I don't feel like you're taking it that seriously actually. Your child has done something sufficiently horrific to be suspended (at age 7 ) and all you're bothered about is that it's a bit hard work for you and has interrupted your day.
Don't let it stop you having your well deserved Prosecco, will you!!

Well done on stopping him form watching TV all day, you could have taken the easy way out but you haven't.

That sounds tough, whatever the reason for the exclusion it it going to be as hard on you as it is on him, if he has additional needs then it's even harder on both of you. I hope you can both get through the day and get the work done.

@Fucck what the actual fuck? Of course I'm taking it seriously, I'm absolutely mortified and feel at a loss as to where to go from here.

I've had a complete shit storm of a week, and today is exactly what I don't need. I posted on here for a bit of light relief and sympathy but you go ahead and stick the boot in.

OP, if his SEN is responsible for his behaviour which led to the exclusion, then the school are failing your child. He is so young at 7, that the ability to make good and poor choices is not all his responsibility.

I would be asking the school what measures they have in place for preventing situations where he might make poor behaviour choices, what support are they giving him to make good choices, what are his triggers and how can they reduce them, how are they managing his behaviour apart from just chucking him out for the day? If he is challenging in school, it is their job to manage that effectively, to try and prevent risky situations, to support him and his additional needs, and to enable him to learn. Exclusion is often a cop out and puts the child at fault when it's often the school's failures and poor management/SEN provision that led to the incident.

Exclusion of SEN children can also be a form of disability discrimination and this is unlawful.

I would be demanding a meeting with the HT to ask all these questions and see what the school (and parents and child) can do to work together to prevent the situation happening again. Onus on school to properly serve your child's needs, challenging or not.

MyGhastIsFlabbered no words of wisdom, but I'm sorry you've had such a shitter of a week, with this little cherry added to the top.

I certainly didn't get from what you've written that you're not taking this seriously, what I got was that you're on your last nerve, and trying to make it through the day without losing the plot completely.

I hope you manage to do so. And from me! (Lots).

Wine from me too, lots of it 

I also agree with what @BendyLikeBeckham

Hope you get through this with your nerves intact!

As pp said, break the day into chunks for your child and for you, then have a break if you can get outside, in the garden or just outside your home, the fresh air will help.

Wishing you well xx

My god he’s only 7 with special needs and he’s practically treated like a tagged criminal.
He needs help not punishment
I’m disgusted for you both.
How is he taking it.

BendyLikeBeckham puts it beautifully, please consider this

Thank you, to those who have been kind. I have a meeting with the school on Monday morning and my ex (his dad obviously) and my mum are coming too. My mum used to teach in an EBD unit so does know what she's talking about (I'm not just taking mummy along because I can't cope on my own).

My big worry is that DS will escalate things now because he now knows if he behaves badly enough he won't go to school; he hates school which is why I've got to make today as dull as possible. But I've got to remain sane too.

Was talking to my dad earlier and he reckoned it could all be sorted with a 'hard clip around the ear'

I do feel a bit lost as to what to do moving forward. It's all hugely exacerbated because of Christmas coming up.

Do you have a garden? If you do, could you kick him outside to let some steam off? I'm not suggesting this in a horrible way, obviously kit him out well, but it might get him out of the whiny stage and make it a teeny bit more manageable.

Could you also get him to work on something school related like a craft project so it's sorta engaging but not exactly fun?

I think boring day is a good idea, just as a follow on consequence but not to be a punishment. He may get enough of that of school if he is also losing golden time or some other privilege at school when he goes back. I always try to avoid double punishing my DC, if the school have done something like that, as it is just isn't fair. Not saying you are !

Great to hear your mum is going to the meeting. My advice is to ask for lots of documents in advance, like the behaviour management policy, the SEN policy, any day diaries they keep on him, their health and safety policy and records of incidents involving him (schools often use their duty to protect other children as a catch all weapon against challenging children but they don't document their decisions or actions when they should). At the meeting, take charge. Ask them what strategies they have in place to support him and prevent this occurring again. Do not let them make it all about how naughty he is and how he shouldn't have done what he did. He is a little boy with additional needs, not a criminal. You can show support for their interventions, if you agree they are necessary and appropriate, but absolutely hold them to account. If he has an EHCP then see if the LA can attend or at least let them know what is going on. They can enforce the provisions, or change them if necessary to ensure the school is doing all it should.

Sorry if I've made too many assumptions, I just know how much of a battle it can be fighting for your SEN children to get what they need in a system that prefers compliant easy children.

No you've been really helpful @BendyLikeBeckham. I'm still a bit shell shocked by it all. I've been called into school before and kept saying 'does he need a referral', 'should we be doing more' etc and kept being told no, then this. It all seems to have escalated this term for some reason.

It's such a shame because honestly, when he's good he's such a kind, lovely, funny boy, but when he's bad...

glad I can help a little. You really have to fight hard for them in our school system, it shouldn't be so but it is.

He sounds like my DC! It is so difficult too because we want to do our best as parents, but sometimes it is hard to know what is best for them when they don't conform to the average child template and the school can't cope with that. Keep pushing with the school. The stroppiest and most well informed parents are the ones they listen to the most. Do your research before the meeting. Check if they have complied with the exclusion procedure as well as the policy. Trust me, they will start to support your son a lot better when they realise you (and your mum) know your onions!

And, no child is "bad". They act out, they seek attention, they get tired or bored, understimulated, overstimulated, they aren't understood, they don't comprehend (or they push) boundaries, they can't cope with some environments/rules, they react emotionally, they lack maturity, they can't govern their own feelings well and sometimes their reactions...There is always a reason for them doing something we consider very wrong, especially young children. This is what the teacher should remember when they fail to manage his behaviour properly.

Best of luck, OP.

And I hope you managed to get through the day ok today.

I'd take him out, what can they possibly do? Go shopping that's torturous for any boy have you considered home schooling if he hates school that much? My son has come out the other side now and is in college it's such a relief to not have to be called in daily. I had my son home schooled for the last year it was so much better.