New job, husband and chores

[Silencedwitness]

I’ve been a sahm for the last ten years. This was decided by my husband and myself as two of our three children have special needs (the youngest has very complex needs and a health condition). They’re aged 10,9 and 7. I managed a work from home job for a year until the company downsized and my role wasn’t needed. My husband works 10 minutes down the road and works 9-5.30 so is home latest by 6pm. I’ve just been offered a job of 18 hours a week. School hours, holidays off which is fantastic. It’ll either be spread over three or four days. My question is as I’ve been solely responsible for the kids and the house I’m wondering if once I’m working my husband should be picking up any jobs. I suppose I want to know what is reasonable before having the conversation. Our youngest still wakes in the night so I do the night wakings too.

Of course he should do his share now you’re working. Have you any reason to think he won’t just step up of his own accord?

Yes of course he should!

Yes he should pick up some jobs. Write a list of what is done in the house and the kids needs and divide between you both which would suit you both. Ie no point putting a person in charge of cooking dinner if they are last home etc

Also, unless his job requires heavy machinery, surgery or something, why have you done all the night work for 7 years!

Your health and wellbeing, and ability to be safe etc, are as important as his.

To my mind, he should have been doing childcare and chores all along. I’m not sure how likely he is to change now, though, if he’s been lazy around the house.
DH works 60h/week and has a long commute and he does the night wakings at weekends so I can catch up on sleep + some chores around the house etc.

Yes definitely! Has he done nothing around the home during the time you've been a sahm?

He puts the odd load of washing on and hangs it out and runs the Hoover round. Occasionally he’s ironed. Since the kids have been at school full time I’ve done it as I’ve been home which is fine but as I’ll be out the house much more I should be getting him to help with.

You don't get him to 'help' you get him to DO. It's his house and family too. He is not helping you with a task that by rights is yours and you need to be very clear when you have the conversation.

He does help with the kids less so with the youngest as she’s quite challenging. I’ve just got used to be the one doing whilst at home I’m not sure what is reasonable to expect him to pick up now.