Do your 9-year old DDs socialise with RL friends online? Help an old fuddy duddy...

[SwampOfDeath]

DD1 (9) has a nice circle of friends. Recently she has been saying she feels a bit at a loss as she isn't able to join her friends chatting online after school on gaming and social media platforms because she doesn't have a device upon which to access these. It's true, she doesn't have a phone, tablet or laptop of her own, and has never expressed an interest in gaming or social media, bar a couple of gos on Roblox last summer (didn't rate it).
Those of you with DC of a similar age, how crucial to your kid's social life is having independent access to an online platform, and if so, which do you recommend?
I haven't seen the need to this point, and am inclined to see more potential problems than benefits (deal with sooo many fall outs a among older children at my school, which have originated during online interactions out of school hours), but am prepared to accept that there may be positives of which I am unaware.

Talking with her this evening, she isn't able to name the online places where her friends interact, and says she's too embarassed to ask, as it will highlight her being out of the loop.
So, do your kid's have their own devices, and which online platforms do they use to socialise with RL friends?

My 10 year old does not have his own device and does not do any kind of online social interaction with friends, aside from Google Classroom which they use sometimes for homework. I think 9 years old is far too young to be using social media or unsupervised internet access. I have no plans to get my son a device for a very long time.

Nope no phone until secondary school and social media platforns say kids need to be 13. Some kids will have devices and lie about their age to open accounts but not essential by any means. Stand firm.

My 10 year old doesn’t and when he went into Y6 the teacher pleaded with parents not to allow access to social media/messaging as she’d spent so much of the previous year dealing with the fallout.

My daughter is 10 and plays with a couple of RL friends on Minecraft and Roblox. She doesn’t have any social media like snapchat though, although some in her class do use that as well as Instagram and tictok. Luckily she’s not interested yet and I think 9/10 is too young. I wouldn’t let her have those yet. She has a phone, tablet and computer and as well as playing online she does phone and text friends sometimes.

The friends she plays with are lovely so we haven’t had any problems but there have been issues amongst the more dramatic girls in the class.

My 8 year old has his friends on minecraft and fortnite.

Dd12 has her own mobile she had it last year, my main reason for getting her it is for her to keep in touch with me now she’s in secondary school we live rural and the school is quite a distance away compared to her primary, she has a minibus to and from school with other children who live in our area, she goes to after school clubs, sport clubs and part of a team where they play games most weekends, she goes to practice by herself sometimes and goes to a local kids disco once a month, I also allow her to go to our local park the evenings she’s free with her friends for a hour or so every now and again the second reason was so she could talk with her friends, I really wouldn’t say she would be missing out on anything with her friends if she didn’t have her mobile they tend to ring each other just bored in the house and it’s always with the iphone face time video call thing and they just talk to pass the time by it’s very rarely used to arrange things with them she does all that in school just confirms on mobile once she’s spoken to me, as for the apps I allow her her own Instagram profile on private and also have the app on my mobile with her profile logged in as I don’t have a Instagram account so have all the notifications myself too I allowed her to have it cause she shows me she is mature enough and respects all I have said about using it, she does get messages off total random people or them requesting to follow her she ignores and I block and I don’t feel she would miss out on anything without the app either as it’s mostly her and her friends posting pictures of new things they have bought or that they going out for food photos and all just liking each other pictures and sometimes commenting on them, it’s the only app I have allowed her to have so couldn’t say what her friends do on these other apps, but I wouldn’t say my DD is missing out on anything with her friends that do have these apps

DD is 9 and plays Minecraft and Roblox with friends, though with Minecraft it's normally by going to their houses or vice versa. She has access to a couple of older friends/family via Snapchat & WhatsApp on my phone whenever she wants to send them messages, but won't be getting a mobile phone herself until her 11th birthday. She has access to YouTube via a tablet and watches that in preference to watching TV, but isn't allowed an account and I'm normally (but not always) in the room. We have had talks about Internet safety, she's not allowed to 'chat' to people online and she won't be allowed social media accounts until she reaches the age limits.

What I would say is access to YouTube is important to DD's social life in that a lot of her friends chat about Gatcha Life vids and TikTok memes etc, and YouTube allows her to see these and know what's going on (for better or worse!)

No none of those here for DD (9) nearly 10. That will be for secondary school. DC always tell you everyone else has got/is allowed to. My standard line is that I'm not everyone else's mum (and it always turns out not to be true)

No absolutely not, and the school have emphatically asked parents not to let kids into social media at this age.

She’s allowed to send WhatsApp messages from my phone to grandparents / older cousins occasionally but not getting own phone until secondary school.

Too young. Secondary school. It’s very tough when others have access though. Can you find one or two friends with the same philosophy so you can back each other up?

Dd plays Roblox with RL friends on my old ohone but won’t have an actual phone until she starts secondary and no social media until she’s at least 13. Some of her friends have tiktok but personally I don’t think it’s necessary or good for them.

Ds plays Fortnite and chats with his friends.
DD - Roblox, minecraft and snapchat

We didn't but I suspect that some of the children in her class were chatting online at 9 as I think they played minecraft. But the majority weren't. However, in her final year at primary school she complained a lot because she wasn't on the Whatsapp Year 6 social group (her phone didn't support it anyway). I was astonished that so many other parents were letting their children do this. (She's 12 now so its not that many years ago).

At that age, my kids were sharing a couple of our old laptops. Often talking to each other on then whilst sitting in the same room 😄😄

No definitely not. We've allowed ours dcs to have phones when they are old enough to walk home from school alone. Friends who have allowed their dcs at a younger age gave had far more difficulties (online teasing/shaming/leaving out if group chats) as the children are IMO too young to deal with it. It's not easy at 13 but it's much harder for a 9 yr old. I'd really resist for now. Opportunities to play minecraft might be better. Stay away from Roblox unless you know how to modify/monitor for adults who frequent it with unpleasant intentions.

Ds10 chats with friends when playing on Xbox. Only max 30 mins per day & in adjoining room with door open so we can hear. We add all friends for him once we have confirmed who they are (cousins & schoolfriends).

He turns 11 next week & is getting own phone, similar to most friends same age. Will work out together what he can do then.

My 11 year old has been on Roblox for a while and chats to his friends in their under 13s restricted mode. (No swear words/phone numbers etc) But I won't let him have proper sort of social media or chat. There has been so many problems with Whatsapp with his peers over the years in the later years of primary and his current year 7 group. (Also major problems with the kids in the school I work in too) Every time something happens I know I've made the right decision, and he relucctantly agrees too when the kids get pulled out of class to be told off.

My 9 year old DD has no access to social media or chat facilities on games etc. She does watch You Tube supervised but I don't let her post any videos online. I won't be getting her a phone until she is going to secondary school. She does have a couple of friends who are allowed these things but luckily doesn't moan too much about that

This is reassuring. I'm not inclined to let her have her own phone until secondary school, but was wondering whether I should let her set something up on my laptop or phone, but reading your responses, I think I'm good to hold firm