I had a very unexpected third baby last year, it was a really difficult time, our circumstances couldn't have been worse, I had been made redundant, DH had had a breakdown following his business going (self employed one man type business) leaving him with £20k worth of debt, we had to move and already had a 2 year old and a 1 year old.
We were blessed with a healthy baby but things were so tough. I had PND for the first few months, struggled to bond and felt overwhelmed. We had never been so poor and managing a newborn with a (by then) 2 year old and a 3 year old was so so hard. I look back on the last year and I don't have any of those special memories of spending hours cuddling my newborn, going on walks with her in her pram and feeling proud like I did my other babies. With my other two children I savoured those months, I photographed them practically every time they moved! I have endless photos of them in their first year. I have hardly any of my third child, I've only just realised and I'm so upset. I feel like those early months whizzed by and I never made the most of them because I was constantly chasing round after my 2 and 3 year olds. I feel like my newborn was just fed and put back in her crib so I could sort out whatever my other two needed or were up to. I even enjoyed the night time feeds with my other two but with my third each night time feed felt like a nuisance because I was so tired and my other two are terrible sleepers so we were getting up to all 3 each night.
My problem is I now look back on the last year with such huge regrets the sadness is pulling me in to depression and I don't know how to stop it. I find myself gazing at mums with newborns and feeling so envious.
Can anyone identify with this? Is it 'normal' with a third baby to feel like this when they're all so close together in age?