Advice please. Desperately tired mum 'self settling' hell

[Nobhobs]

Health visitor said we need to stop feeding to sleep / playing white noise to sleep so DS learns to self settle. I stopped both two days ago and we've barely slept since. DS is screaming blue murder all day and night. Even I'm in tears. He only falls asleep if he gets so hysterical for so long that he passes out from sheer exhaustion. Or he falls asleep nicely on the boob or with white noise playing. Not sure why this hell is preferable. Please someone help

HV is talking nonsense. My ds used white noise until he was 18 months and like pp, he didn't need it at creche but did use it at home.

He wasn't breastfed but at 5 months, he often fell asleep on the bottle

Do whatever works so that you and he get some proper sleep. You aren't creating a rod for your back.

IME, sleep goes in phases. There is never a time when you can say you've cracked it. At 9 months, DS was self settling to sleep. Since then we've had the wake up at 2am and come into our bed phase, sit with him and hold his hand while he falls asleep phase, and loads of others. He's 2 now and I sit in his room while he falls asleep. I could refuse and leave him to cry but if I'm there, he falls asleep in 10 minutes and I am happy knowing he's going to sleep happy. Whatever works.

5 months!!! God, where do they get these HVs from. I fed to sleep till 18m and now he goes to sleep on his own just fine.

So what are you going to do OP?

I’m going to write a book called “Whatever Gets the Most Sleep for the Most People is The Best Thing to Do”

Ignore her, do what you need to do to allow everyone the most possible sleep. My DD is just over 2, is fed and rocked to sleep and has white noise on all nights - couldn't care less what the HV says- didn't bother seeing them at all past about 6 months, so much either useless or contradictory advice.

Why would you need to stop a totally normal thing? Completely useless advice from health visitor. I’m sorry you had such bad support. Try reading Sarah Ockwell Smith blog for some better advice on this.

5 months? Your HV is talking total bollocks. It's a developmental leap. Feed the bairn.

Absolutely horrified at that advice from HV!!!

Keep breastfeeding him and white noise! It's made me angry you've been given such awful advice your poor baby

5 months is tiny poor baby. Don’t listen to the HV.

Ignore the HV and do what you were doing before. Baby will self soothe in his own time. My oldest didn't do it until 18 months.

My DS aged 4 has white noise to go to sleep 🙈🙈 I actually find it very soothing myself as an adult and will sometimes use the spare Ewan at night. So it’s BS what your health visitor is sayi.

Oh gosh, no, that’s nonsense. I fed both of mine to sleep until they stopped needing it (between 6-13 months). Then I rocked them until they stopped needing it (between 12-18 months). It was absolutely no fuss. When they were ready they just self settled. My first had slept every nap in my arms til she started nursery at 9 months.

It was absolutely fine. Do what’s easy until something else works instead. It would be a very rare 5 month old that self settles (and then continues to do so forever more). No reason to cause more work and stress for yourself.

She's talking outdated shit. Why make life hard for yourself? Feed to sleep at least fgs.

I still feed my 9 month old back to sleep in the night. Bedtime is a mix of feeding to sleep and stroking his back. We tried night weaning but he can't self settle so it was taking 2 hours to get back to sleep. We have had a rough ride with lots of night wakings since 5 months though (getting better now).

In your situation I would go more gradually. Personally I would feed to sleep but jostle him so he stirs slighly. I would not cut out feeding to sleep and white noise together. At the end of the day though, do what is right for you.

Five months?! I thought you were going to say she was two. Fuck that. Bf both of mine to sleep.... they both stopped before they were three. HVs are a menace, that’s such bad advice!!!

God I’m not one for piling in on health professional’s advice but I’ve got to say: do whatever it takes to get sleep.

Life is just a bloody grind without enough sleep. I would have gone loopy without a decent rest.

I fed both of mine to sleep for months, possibly even years. It was a damn sight easier to bribe and calm a two year old than it was to deal with a hysterical screaming baby through a veil of sheer knackeredness.

Breaking the habit of needing white noise can be cracked later when you’re on a more even keel.

Sure maybe some book or advice somewhere says you should do this or that, but really- just get sleep any way or how you can. Everything else can be sorted out in time.

Thank you all, really needed to hear that. He fed to sleep and is in bed sleeping with his white noise on. I'm getting an early night to make up for the 3 broken hours I had last night as I feel close to death I'm so tired. He looks so peaceful right now I feel evil for putting him through hell last night with all this. Live and learn I guess

God I’m very pro self settling but not at 5months- baby is feeding constantly still, not yet on solids. Ignore and feed your baby!

You do not have to take HV advice (which sounds odd for such a young baby)

I really hope you will continue bf your baby to sleep for as long as you want to xx

I think that is shocking advice from a health visitor! My experience of them is they are not very aware of the realities of breastfeeding. Feeding to sleep it totally normal to me