Problems with teacher

[Memoriesmemories]

Hello
Some advice please. Apologies if I've posted in the wrong place.
DS is 8, on the autistic spectrum, high anxiety, elements of PDA. A lovely, kind and polite boy. Moved schools 5 weeks ago as was not coping in large mainstream. Now in smaller mainstream. Teacher he has doesn't seem interested (for want of a better word) in his issues, seems very flippant towards him. If he has a meltdown due to becoming overwhelmed she will just say to me at home time "oh he's had a terrible day!" without explaining much and she seems oblivious to what was behind his meltdown (he's overwhelmed, anxious etc). When I say to her that's its probably as a result of him being overwhelmed sheen just looks at me and says "oh OK, I see". She is aware he has needs, she is aware as we have a report from a psychologist which she's read. The previous school has also sent lots of info about him to this new school. It's not like she doesn't know. She's made some strange comments about him too, the type of comment that you hear but don't register it until you walk away and then realise that actually that was inappropriate or even a bit hurtful, if you see what I mean?
She's said "he really stands out in the class, not just because he's joined late but because of how he is"
"there's something really missing from his personality"
Both comments I found a bit hurtful. I don't want to go above her just yet as he's only been there a few weeks and don't want the staff to think I'm causing waves. Academically he's doing well. He's eager to please and has tried hard to settle in.
Would you say these comments are acceptable? Of course I'm defensive over my son and don't feel these type of comments are constructive!
The SENCO seem great, all staff supportive, it's just this class teacher I can't seem to gel with!
Sorry for the long post

Just to add that we are fully supportive of the school and if he has misbehaved then we always uphold school rules and consequences. It's non like we are expecting preferential treatment for him, it's just that it seems this teacher doesn't really want him in her class to be honest!

It sounds like there needs to be a meeting with you, the teacher and the SENDCo to have a common agreement on strategies and communication.

The teacher should be giving a bit more information and not being so dismissive in my opinion.

Thanks Lola.

the type of comment that you hear but don't register it until you walk away and then realise that actually that was inappropriate or even a bit hurtful, if you see what I mean?
The Bridget Jones character called this "jellyfishing" You are swimming along happily and suddenly realise you've been stung. In the film made of the 2nd book they did a jellyfish count of comments made by a particular character.
She sounds pretty tactless!

Something missing from his personality? I'd never say that to another parent! Even as a friend, but specially not if I was the teacher. Definitely have a meeting.

She seems to have a surprising lack of knowledge of ASD. These are the kinds of thing the PIL might say about DD1, but they are pretty ignorant of her issues. They do not have teaching degrees and SEN training that I'm assuming your child's teacher has?

It sounds like it's time for a strategy meeting.

I do think the "something missing from his personality" comment was a bit inappropriate.

Can I ask what your reason for moving schools was? I think sometimes parents of children with SEN think smaller schools will suit their child better, but they often don't have as much experience/expertise with SEN as well.

Does he have an EHCP? Can you ask for a meeting with the class teacher and SENCO to discuss how he is settling in?

I have a child with suspected PDA. I'm in regular communication with his mum (he's 6). We have a daily diary which goes home each night. I've read a lot around ASD/PDA.

I think you definitely need a meeting with his teacher and explain his difficulties and maybe what worked/ didn't work at his previous school.

That is an appalling comment to make. I think you need to arrange a meeting with the senco and discuss appropriate and useful communication, strategies that may help support your son and a plan for moving forward. Good luck.

What are you after as the outcome from this?

From what you have posted the issue seems to be that you think that the teacher isn't showing enough interest in your DS.

Hello all, thank you for your replies. I typed a couple of responses 2 days ago but for some reason they haven't appeared!
The outcome I would like is for the staff to be understanding of his needs and, thats basically all I want. It does seem like he's an inconvenience to this particular teacher which breaks my heart as he is a lovely lad with a heart of gold and has so much to offer.

Have you met with the senco since he started? Or had a meeting with the class teacher about his particular needs? It can be hard to get to know a child and to know what strategues will be effective and there is no sense in teacher using trial and error when she has an excellent resource to inform her (you!).

I am a teacher and would never say that something is missing from a child's personality.

A meeting with the teacher would be really beneficial. As a teacher I see parents as the one who knows the child best so why would I be ignoring such a great source of information of what makes the child tick.

I hope you will be able to meet with teacher or senco to put a proper plan in place.

So, presumably as you transferred him from a mainstream he wasn't coping at, to a second mainstream school. You checked that they had a good record for SEND and had entry meetings to discuss the provision he needed? It sounds as if the class teacher has not been involved in this and the Senco/management haven't kept her in the loop and made sure that she is properly trained. Did you keep any notes from the entry meetings? Have you got anything in writing about what your ds needs? I'd suggest a review meeting where you check that everything agreed to is happening, maybe take along some information on PDA and strategies to deal with it as it can be challenging to deal with if you're not knowledgable.

The teacher's comments and attitude are inexcusable btw but at this point I'd assume they come from a place of stress and feeling overwhelmed at balancing your ds' needs against 29 others. Try diplomatically suggesting ways that you can all make this work first, but monitor and note the comments in case you don't improve.

We have a meeting Tuesday with the SENCO, teacher and TA. The previous school suggested he may cope better in a smaller school, it was a decision reached by us and them. We have all notes from all meetings and the previous school submitted all his info to new school before he started so its not like they were totally unprepared. Hopefully in this meeting we can reach an understanding and discuss the best way forward for him. He likes the new school and has made one good friend so I suppose that's a positive
Many thanks for all replies