Autistic mothers of autistic children?

[elfsocksandsnowboots]

Has anyone else started wondering if they are autistic following their child's diagnosis?

My daughter has recently been diagnosed age 3. She's my eldest child. I'm 35.

I've been mulling over the diagnosis report which sets out the difficulties she has in detail, and discussing it with DH. At so many things he's said 'she must find that so tough' etc and I've responded with 'she does'. Because I can relate, exactly. Because I do too. Reading the bullet points I just keep thinking 'me too' for almost everything.

I have always 'got' DD whereas DH has found her behaviour, even as a baby, worrisome and stressful. I found her stressful too but I was always able to meet her need, whatever it was, even when it pissed people
off/inconvenienced them because I understood her. She's always been difficult and different. Not stereotypically 'autistic' in many many ways but not typical either.

We have no history of autism in either family, as far as I know.

I have been labelled 'difficult' myself many times over the years although it's never my intention and I never get why people think that. I am direct, although I like to think I've (grown up!) learned the value of tact and empathy over the years. I'm very routine driven, I hate plans changing and as the years have gone on and I've settled down and had a family I've grown more and more introverted and find socialising pretty tiresome and exhausting unless it's with my small groups of very old close friends. I hate people (my children and DH excepted) in my space. I've always had difficulties with food textures, and still even as a grown woman miss certain food groups because I cannot bear them in my mouth. Conflicting noise annoys me so much I could rip my own ears off.

Lots of this is just standard stuff I think, as we get older we and our preferences change. But the similarities between me and my now diagnosed DD just keep ringing in my ears.

I'm a perfectly functional adult, wife and mother of two who has worked in decent career at a senior position prior to leaving to raise my family. A diagnosis now wouldn't benefit me in any tangible way. It had just never even crossed my mind before and I wondered if anyone out there has found the same?

No but our son is on the severe end of the spectrum and when we were going through the diagnosis assessments we did actually see asd in his dad.
He's obviously very high functioning to get to an adult without having many issues but even he agrees he's mildly affected.

I researched autism in females recently as I had a few mild concerns about DD.

Immediately after reading about the symptoms I was like "Omg that's me! I'm the Autistic one!". My family are not convinced however.

Ok, I’m back now

The funny thing about me (well, one of many funny things about me) is I lack insight into my own condition. It took me until my 30s to work out is auffered with anxiety all my life. I didn’t think of it as anxiety. It was just normal for me.

And when I realised that I didn’t just have a bunch of autistic traits, I had so many that online checklists would recommend further investigation, I was horrified! I’m not autistic! I’m just anxious and introverted and socially awkward and nerdy and obsessive and...

It took me a long time to stop being scared of the idea and acknowledge that being autistic would explain EVERYTHING about me. At school I was a high achieving rule follower who got bullied for being a “boffin”. I hated the idea of going drinking and clubbing (having to dance? I would rather die). I didn’t have a boyfriend until I was 21. I desperately need silence and solitude to keep my sanity (I had no idea how much having children would test my mental health in that respect). And people just don’t seem to warm to me, y’know? I’m just horrific at small talk and probably come off as standoffish and rude to the other mums in the playground. I’ve just always felt different and on the outskirts of social groups pretty much all my life.

And it’s only being certain that my son is autistic that has shone a light back into me and his sister (my husband has plenty of traits too - and his father is definitely autistic).

It’s funny how you start seeing autism everywhere once you understand so much about it... for better or for worse.

Thanks for coming back @Haworthia. Your post really resonates with me. I've always felt a bit 'on the margins' myself, like I see and hear things through different eyes and ears to people around me. I've often unintentionally rubbed people up the wrong way with my awkwardness/bluntness/lack of small talk.

It's very interesting. Honestly I find it all fascinating.