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Original poster

Found drugs in daughters bag

19 replies

ChristmasTree999 · 09/12/2019 20:49

I posted this in teenagers but reposting here as could really do with some advice...

Hello all. I’ve been on here 10+ years but namechanged for this in the hope that someone can help. My dd is 17.
Today I found a small bag of white powder in one of her bags. I messaged her immediately- she says it is ketamine, but that it’s not hers, it belongs to her friend. I obviously was not born yesterday and do not believe her. I’ve got rid of it and told her how disappointed and disgusted I am by what I found. I’m absolutely furious that she could be so stupid. She has apologised and is currently begging me not to tell her step dad and the school. I’ve read the advise on the Frank website, but can anyone offer some advise on how to deal with this? I feel completely out of my depth here.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChristmasTree999 · 10/12/2019 09:50

Hopeful bump.. anyone been through similar?

OP posts:
Patroclus · 10/12/2019 14:02

There was a similar thread recently on hee that could be some help. Maybe tell her about how it shrinks bladders and destroys noses

ActualHornist · 10/12/2019 14:51

Tell her you love a bit of ket and great now you can do it together! Grin

I joke of course. Read the above thread.

Original poster
ChristmasTree999 · 10/12/2019 19:18

Thank you both - I hadn’t seen that thread I’ll take a look

OP posts:
katew355 · 10/12/2019 19:22

I totally understand your instinct to be cross with her but I would try to have a really calm conversation with her about it. She's never going to admit it's hers if she knows she's just going to get shouted at for it and she'll just stop listening to anything you say. Try to connect with her about it and see if you can get her to open up about why she has it. You can then have an open conversation about why you're worried for her. We often tell young people that they shouldn't do stuff but we don't always explain why. Calm, informed dialogue with her is the best way forward. Good luck xx

villamariavintrapp · 10/12/2019 20:25

I think in the other thread the OP tried taking it in front of her daughter? To errr show her what it would do? So maybe don't do that..

Whenthereslovethereshope · 10/12/2019 21:14

Absolutely DO NOT hide it from her Step Dad (school, debatable only the grounds if it is really her first time). Of course, be very strong and stern with her and telling her how much you're disappointed in her is seemingly the right thing. However, after all the melt-down (also given how much of remorse your DD feels and tells you everything to all her honesty), hold her hand, hug her and tell her you love her. You will be there for her and be the support she needs to do to get out of this.

It is okay to show your anger and disappointment but it is also very important that you're able to convey your love and support to your loved ones when you know they need you the most.

Difficult times, sending you strength, patience and a big hug! You can do this.

GoldfishGirl · 10/12/2019 23:06

I think you need to talk about the law around possession and health risks.

Read up about it, try and take the judgement out of your mind, find out how long its been going on, why she is taking it, what is the context (is this with 'mates' or are there other 'risky' adults involved), talk about the risks together and the 'what if' scenarios, express your concerns for her safety, agree what she will do in future.

It is risky at a young age when the brain is developing. If you think, smoking is thought to cause hundreds of sporadic gene mutations, taking illegal drugs is also a genetic lottery. The choices you make today are what impact you in future.

Even if you bore her to death, at least half of what you are saying will (hopefully) sink in.

TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead · 11/12/2019 07:02

Good luck, I think anger can be counterproductive with teens

But having a good talk is needed here

I would not focus on being disappointed or angry, but more about being worried, the risks, the danger.

Tell her dad, but not the school

JigsawsAreInPieces · 11/12/2019 07:36

Puttingthe potential drug issue to one side for a moment, why are you rummaging in your nearly adult daughter’s bag? Did you suspect any drug use or do you routinely search her possessions? Confused

wowfudge · 11/12/2019 08:01

At 17 she will know a lot of the reasons why she shouldn't take drugs, unless she's been living under a rock or is extremely naive. More important to try to find out why she's been using and how frequently.

Original poster
ChristmasTree999 · 11/12/2019 12:47

Thank you for all your comments so far - my dd knows we need to have a serious discussion and your advice is helping. Jigsaws I mentioned on my thread in teens that I had previously found a joint in her bedroom (when looking for the hairdryer). This time she had left a bag with tobacco etc in the middle of her bed and this bag was in there with that.

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LoadsOfSpace · 11/12/2019 12:58

You could also have a chat with her about the ethical issues surrounding drugs. The drug trade relies on violence, torture, gangs, intimidation, slavery, prostitution and deforestation. Teenagers often think they’re invincible to the health risks, but most of the teens I know claim to have very strong ethic values which you could possibly tap into.

Original poster
ChristmasTree999 · 11/12/2019 13:03

Thank you Loads yes I’ll bring that up too. Feeling more able to speak to her calmly and coherently now. She has apologised again today

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BillywilliamV · 11/12/2019 13:05

I have told my DDshe can do what she likes but I won’t finance tobacco, vaping or drugs. Do you give her pocket money?..stop!

Original poster
ChristmasTree999 · 11/12/2019 13:27

Not pocket money anymore no as I have been encouraging her to get a part time job (have been since she finished her GCSEs). So I buy essential clothes/shoes/toiletries but she is supposed to pay for other stuff. She relied on birthday/babysitting money so far..

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BillywilliamV · 11/12/2019 13:30

I doubt she has a massive issue if she has so little money, she is experimenting. Give her the lecture and move on. She is nearly a grown up, you can strongly influence but ultimately these things are her own choice.

Original poster
ChristmasTree999 · 11/12/2019 13:38

Yes that’s my thinking too - just hoping we can nip this in the bud before it becomes something more serious

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