Made the first step - dealing with anxiety

[Pinkbutterfly79]

I have been really struggling with anxiety since falling ill three months ago, I am still having tests to find out what is going on but I am recovering slowly.
I have been putting on a brave face and pretending I am ok both mentally and physically but I have finally admitted to myself that I am not ok.
The symptoms I had initially haven’t gone away (even though I have told everyone I am feeling much better) and I am in a bad place mentally- I am just crying all the time, super anxious about everything (even making a cup of tea incase I do it wrong) I keep having panic attacks and feel a constant sense that something really bad is about to happen.
I don’t know how much of this is caused by the actual illness (neurological issues) and how much is my mind as some of the symptoms are linked to both.
I have made an appointment with my gp for tomorrow morning but I am going to have to fight myself to not cancel it or to go and play everything down and pretend I am ok.

Is there anything worse than not feeling safe in your own mind?

Anxiety is a terrible thing, I speak from experience. I have found that being able to recognise and admit that I'm struggling plays a big part in my ability to seek help and deal with anxiety. I hope you go ahead with your visit to the GP and if possible find someone you are close to and tell them how you are feeling. Even if you can't explain why and don't have a clue how to help yourself just telling someone else can really help.

Thank you for your reply AssignedNorthern, I went to my appointment, I had to wait for nearly an hour as the doctor was running late and every part of me wanted to walk away. I got myself into a right state by the time I got into the room.
She was lovely, listened to my jumbled thoughts and told me that how I was feeling was to be expected after what has happened, she thinks the anxiety is as a result of me being unwell and said that if I give myself time to recover I should start to feel better. She signed me off work for a few weeks and gave me some diazepam to take when I feel the anxiety building.
‘Dp ‘ is being anything but supportive but I have told my closest friend what is going on and she has been great. I don’t open up very easily, always putting my brave face on but sometimes that’s not possible.

So glad to hear that you went to the appointment. Asking for help is so daunting but so worthwhile. Take the time off you clearly need it and talk to your lovely friend. I can recognise a lot of my own actions in what you are saying, it can be incredibly difficult to give yourself the help you need, especially if you are the one who feels they are holding everything together. I found that letting things slip didn't effect things as much as i had thought and it gave me the time to try and figure out what would help. For me that was talking to DH and my GP and making little changes to my day to make sure i did something for myself, even something as small as listening to a favourite album brightened things for me. Sorry that your DP is not being supportive. I found that people either shied away from me after i told them i was suffering as they just didn't really get it, or they listened and asked how they could help.

Thank you, it is exhausting, I am only doing what has to be done and enjoying spending time with the kids, lots of Christmas movies and treats.
He just doesn’t get it, thinks I am choosing to feel like this and is making me feel like I am an inconvenience to him because I am not feeling better.

Nobody would choose to feel anxious. You will feel better in your own time. Enjoy the festive time with your kids and ignore your husband. He sounds very selfish and you deserve support.

You did really well by keeping that GP appointment. The first step to getting better and you're being a fantastic mum to your kids with movies and treats even though you're feeling exhausted. Don't listen to what your partner says, you are going great.
Sending you and hugs xx