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Original poster

Should I say something?

22 replies

Nothingisavailabl · 08/12/2019 10:53

My parnter went on his xmas work do. Normal. Not a problem.
On his way out the door we discussed the illness of our 5 year old and the severity and wether a trip to a&e was warranted...he agreed. So I took her to a&e, after dropping him at the station at 6pm. I myself am also rather under the weather and 7.5months pregnant with number 2.
After an entire week of no sleep (down to being up with 5yo in turn waking unborn baby, making me uncomfortable, need a wee, and then get hungry) we finally managed to nod off at midnight, with no word from other half (still enjoying his night out - again no problem..yet). 4am comes around and other half rings. He needs me to get up and send a photo of his ID that he left at home, because they are just arriving at a casino in london...4am?!
Now i'm fuming. Im ill, im almost managing a full(ish) night's sleep, 5yo is now up and ill, baby is now kicking away, wee is needed...he didnt get home till 7.30am - pissed a fart, and slumped on the sofa. Did i sleep a wink between 4am and 7.30am? No. Now the day (for me and 5yo) we get breakfast, i notice a receipt on the table, £50 odd in a strip club, at 3am. Work xmas do's dont lqst that long, or go to strip clubs...OR continue on to casinos at 4am and eventually arrive home via cab (another £60) at 7.30am whenthe trajns are fully up and running again...am I allowed to be pissed off?? Where's the respect or care? Where's the internal voice that says, "its 3am, im soon to be a dad, again, and im sitting in a sleezy strip club while my partner nurses 5yo, deals with her own illness and bears unborn baby, due in 6 weeks?! I should probably get home and do the manly thing of caring for my family, and sleeping this drunkeness off before i ruin the whole weekend for everyone..."

Any thoughts?
Sincerely, a very stressed and preggo mamma, struggling with being nice to her sleeze bag hungover partner 😫😫

Ps - our sex life has dwindled since pregnancy, so a strip club receipt wasnt what i wanted to find, and we are trying (badly) to save to move house...strip clubs, casinos and cabs dont help that cause!!

OP posts:
Ash39 · 08/12/2019 10:56

He's a dick. Did he even ask about child going to a&E?
Course you should say something. And be very very angry.
Leave your sick five year old with him and go out for the day.

Bluerussian · 08/12/2019 11:01

Horrible man.

TooTrueToBeGood · 08/12/2019 11:05

You should be saying something along the lines of "get the fuck out and don't come back". Any reasonable person would not go on a night out if their child was ill enough to merit a trip to A&E. You being heavily pregnant just compounds his selfishness. I bet this is not sn isolated case of selfish dickishness.

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floatygoat · 08/12/2019 11:08

Wtf. I'd be fuming he went to work do at all with your 5yo possibly needing to go to a & e...then the rest of it Shock what a cock.

user1471449295 · 08/12/2019 11:10

Awful man. I can understand being late on the night of work Christmas do, but a strip club and casino? Nope. £50 spent in a strip club? I’d be thinking he had a dance

justilou1 · 08/12/2019 11:11

I would be introducing him to the cheese grater very quickly, OP...

Karwomannghia · 08/12/2019 11:13

Firstly you need to rest and get away from your husband. Is there somewhere you can go where someone will look after your 5yo and you can sleep?
Don’t answer the phone to him.
What’s he’s done is not acceptable and he cannot try to minimise it. You’re struggling to be nice for a good reason. Stop struggling and get angry.

atankofskunks · 08/12/2019 12:19

Honestly OP, any decent man would have abandoned that night out the moment A and E looked likely for your child. Completely selfish behaviour and the attitude of a single man with no one else to worry about.

dappledsunshine · 08/12/2019 12:27

Still going on his work night out when he has a child sick enough to warrant A&E would be a deal breaker for me on its own, the rest of it would be the final nail in the coffin.

TheReluctantCountess · 08/12/2019 12:29

Woah. That would be him out the door.

Mind you, no decent man would have let that situation arise.

Bluntness100 · 08/12/2019 12:30

To be fair sounds like he had a great night. Shitty for you though.

Pilot12 · 08/12/2019 12:40

I used to work in the construction industry (in an office with senior professionals not on a building site with the workforce) and the Christmas party did used to end in the early hours of the morning in a casino following a visit to a strip club. It's not abnormal for that to happen. There were some male members of the team who were not interested and left at a reasonable time.

In your case your Husband should not have gone at all, he should have been at the hospital with you. If your child is that sick you don't go to a party.

Sinittasdancers · 08/12/2019 14:16

There's no way in the world that my DH would go to his Christmas works do knowing I was taking DC to A&E, let alone if I was heavily pregnant and unwell. and then to go to a strip club and stay out so late. Sorry but it sounds like he really doesn't give a fuck about you or the children.

I'm not trying to boast, DH is by no means a perfect husband, but I'd expect this very minimal level of respect and support from my partner. I find it hard to believe that so many women put up with this shit. YANBU.

Original poster
Nothingisavailabl · 09/12/2019 09:59

Pilot12, Interesting you should say this, and it's important to say that I notice you mention the male members of the team that would leave at reasonable time, thank you, I think I thought my OH was that guy...he also works in the construction industry, in an office, higher up the chain.

But at the risk of tarring everyone, isnt it a bit weird that it is considered the norm for big office workers in the construction industry to see it fit to attend strip clubs and flash their cash like they are gods gift? It seems more and more apparent to me that people in the top end of this profession are only interested in how others see them, and not in investing their time or money in the things that matter...the more I am finding out about this workforce the more I am seeing that money rules above all. It seems to be cooler to drink stupidly top end spirits on a night out with collegues than it is to spend quality time with those they profess to love.
He taps away at a laptop, takes calls, drives his lavish company car between sites on company fuel, then moans (to his almost-full-time-working, housekeeping, childcaring, money managing, food shopping, petrol paying parnter) that its been a tiring day, bossing all those manual labourers about....and that 'cash is tight'.Shock
The difference in our wages is over £4000 a MONTH! and I feel like when I actually sit and think, this office malarky is a breeze. Pay me over £4000 a month to do all the jobs I do in a working week and it'd be money well spent.

Im extremely sorry for what can be taken as a long rant, im not getting at anyone in particular, im just airing my brain farts and trying to keep a happy household, it'd be easier with Wine but I can't at this time - roll on due date aye!! Hormones are evil things!!

OP posts:
AntiHop · 09/12/2019 10:01

Fucking hell I'm furious on your behalf. Completely unacceptable behaviour.

Rubychard · 09/12/2019 14:45

Hmmm I wouldn’t be happy

Rubychard · 09/12/2019 14:48

I do remember when I was working someone organising the Xmas do including A visit to a strip club. Only people not invited were me and my elderly boss.

WheresMyChocolate · 09/12/2019 14:59

He agreed that your 5 year old needed to go to A&E and then fucked off on a work jolly and left you to it? I can't get past that bit, it's terrible.

My DH dropped everything to get to the hospital when my DD was sent to A&E. He was there the whole time until she was admitted and settled on a ward and he made sure we had everything she could possible need before he left. She's an adult and not even his biological daughter.

furinstance · 09/12/2019 15:03

I'm totally effing livid on your behalf. Men can be absolute scrotes, they really can.

IWorkAtTheCheesecakeFactory · 09/12/2019 15:29

  1. if my child was going to A&E all social plans would be cancelled. IDGAF if he was the CEO of the best Christmas party company in the world- he should have cancelled his plans.

  2. 4am comes around and other half rings. He needs me to get up and send a photo of his ID

This alone would have me seriously considering leaving him. Even without the background of child in A&E- even on a normal night where I wasn’t pregnant this is appalling.

Something has gone wrong in your relationship for some time I would say when he thinks it would be well received by you for him to ring at this time in the morning for his ID. and then for you to bloody do it!!! You’ve seriously let shit go for far too long.

Spotty528 · 09/12/2019 15:29

Totally out of order. He shouldn’t have even gone out if his DC was going to a&e!

Whattodoabout · 09/12/2019 15:31

He’s grim and you are far too lenient. I wouldn’t stand for DH visiting a strip club (so crass) but especially not when I was pregnant with a sick child at home. Imo he should have sacked the Christmas do off knowing you were heading to A&E with your child.

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