@Sofacat Yeah I can never imagine me getting married or having children even though I want both of those things. I think it is a problem for me because as I cannot imagine it I am not good at aiming for future goals. For example, I'm early 20s and have friends who want to be married by a particular age so they are on dating apps to specifically find someone. Or other friends who are aiming for a particular level of achievement e.g. a certain type of house or particular job, I don't have any of those goals. I am happy in the moment and therefore feel like I would be content living as I live for the rest of my life, it is only when I compare myself to my peers that I "catch up" with them as I don't seem to have the drive or imagination to want those things first. For example, when I turned 17 I couldn't imagine driving so didn't bother learning, it is only when I saw friends driving around I realised I could do that so did.
@Milomonster Yeah I can roughly plan for around a year ahead and that is it. Even when I have things planned I feel like they won't actually happen though.
@MoiraRose Yes, you have described it perfectly! Especially the part about not planning as you didn't know you would "still be here". It sounds quite dark but I do feel shocked at each age that I am still here and have reached it. Now you have realised that you are like that do you do things differently or do you still live very "in the moment"? I guess sometimes it is a good thing as I am quite a worrier so because I cannot imagine things happening I don't worry about them until they spring up on me.
@Dizzywizz I am not very articulate but I will try and explain as best I can. When I think of my future, whether is is tomorrow or next year or the next decade, I cannot visualise it. For example I have graduation coming up in a few weeks, I know logically what it will entail - who I will see, where I will need to go, what I will be wearing, etc. However I cannot imagine it happening, it just doesn't seem feasible to me. The visual representation of my future in my head goes to around February 2020 next year and then just stops and I cannot "see" anything beyond that. It feels like it is not real and won't happen. When prompted I can plan ahead for things which are concrete e.g. booking train tickets for specific days but they just don't feel real at all and it almost feels like fantasy. I feel like I am kind of living in groundhog day where I just live for the present day and cannot plan for the life ahead of me.
@Stefoscope I am the same, I have never understood how people knew what career path they wanted to take or their five year plans, etc. I feel like I just live in the present day and cannot be proactive about planning my life.
@Bluesheep8 Yep that is the exact same as me. I hate it because in other aspects of my life I am ambitious but I just cannot think ahead to what I want in life and then organise my time to get those things. I feel very passive.
@Smellbow I have heard of it and mentioned it in the OP but am still unsure of whether I have it or not. I do have a poor ability to visualise, e.g. when asked to visualise being on a beach my visualisation is very fragmented, like I have to try really hard to focus on a single wave crashing rather than a big picture of a beach. I also am really bad at remembering faces, if I try hard I can picture those closest to me's faces but I cannot picture other people e.g. close friends. If someone changes their hairstyle and outfit beyond their usual style I won't recognise them.
@DishingOutDone It is so interesting to read about how differently we all perceive the World. I can visualise slightly but it takes a lot of effort - in fact I have just realised right now that that is why I struggle during those guided meditations we had to do during school - it was exhausting trying to picture lying in a green meadow or being on a beach, etc.
@Amortentia Yep I am the exact same! When I think about where I am now it is all through just things happening to me by chance rather than me going out and getting them. I chose my GCSE options because I wanted to be with my friends, then I chose a-levels based on the GCSE options I did best in and then did my degree based on which a-level I did best in. I wasn't planning on going to university until it was time to do applications and the the rest of the class were doing them so I just did them too. I plan on staying in academia and I know that it is mainly because it is familiar and is quite a natural progression, I could happily stay a perpetual student. I guess in some ways it is good because I am very content where I am. When I was at uni I was always shocked that people would say they couldn't wait to graduate so they could get a job, whereas I just accepted I was a student and settled into that and made the best of it. It is only when I see my friends progressing in life I feel bad and realise how passive I have been e.g. friends settling with long-term partners, getting their dream jobs, going on their dream holidays, etc.
@ravensoaponarope That is interesting. What makes you think it is linked with your autism?
@Blueshadow Yeah that is how I felt when I was younger too and still feel at every point in my life. As you have gotten married and have a home, career and child(ren), did you find a way around not being able to imagine your future and still plan it and be proactive about getting the things you wanted out of life or do you think it all happened to you rather serendipitously?