What do we do?? Texting, texting, texting

[BadgerBadgerMushroom]

DPs ex sees their children EOW. The break up was not amicable but DP is happy that the kids enjoy seeing her and they seem happy enough when they come home. The problem is when the kids are with her she messages vile messages him about how shit he is and he's a crap dad. This usually starts the day before she sees them and carries on until the day after as well as during her visit with the kids. Not even now and then....literally the whole time. In the beginning DP used to reply but stopped when he realised it didn't make any difference and it didn't deter her. At one point he blocked her and she just sent the messages to the kids phones! DP knows he has to keep some contact with her even minimal for the sake of the children and to make arrangements but this can't go on. It's mentally exhausting to be constantly hounded all weekends she has them. Is there anyone who has been in a similar situation who can suggest an alternative method of contact?

He has to maintain contact but he doesn't have to put up with abuse. Talk to the police.

I have an agreement in place where I can only be send e mails which contain only information about contact arrangements, I used to get all sorts rubbish. Phone number is for emergency only.

@livingthedream how did you get that put in place? Through the courts?

If the dcs are her children then she is obviously upset over the break up. There is not enough info to comment anything else. If I had to share my children I would be mortified so I would probably be like your dp ex.

@thatagain it's been 5 years since they split. She has a new husband and baby and didn't want the children more than EOW. Messages have only started in the last 6 months

I would probably be like your dp ex.

Sending abusive messages to your DCs phone? I doubt you would.

Share your children? You are aware they don’t belong to you, right?

I’d speak to a solicitor as a bare minimum and probably the police too.

He should text back once asking that she stop contacting him for anything that is not directly related to the children’s needs. He should ignore any further abusive messages but make sure he doesn’t delete any. If the messages continue even after a clear request to stop he should report the messages to the police for harassment. They will take it seriously.

Thanks @mynewbear I have to be honest it's a bit scary. It feels like there's this constant angry woman in the house. DP thinks if we ignore her she will go away but ultimately we need to be in contact for arrangements. Will suggest the message and see what happens. Downside of technology!

It is harassment and if it’s been 5 years she’s clearly not going to stop, no matter how much you ignore it. I understand their dad wanting them to have contact with her but I think sometimes people can be so focused on trying not to rock the boat or they believe any relationship is better than no relationship, that they overlook or unintentionally minimize behaviours that can cause real damage. She’s texting this abusive crap to the dcs phones, that’s not ok!

I honestly think you and their dad need to get some legal advice on this and if it comes to it give serious consideration to stopping the EOW arrangement. It’s horrible that she’s using her children to get at her ex and she shouldn’t be allowed to get away with that. She IS causing them harm .

I think that might be the route to take. Everyone is right. It's just really hard when messaging something simple like...DSD1 has revision tonight and then the barrage starts. Someone suggested a joint calendar so everyone could see events coming up and we tried that but she just accused us of showing off if we ever stepped foot outside the house.