Why can't I just be happy?

[kevintheorangecarrot]

Sorry this is probably the wrong place to put it but I want to get it out of my system. I haven't been happy for a long, long time and I don't understand why. I love my husband and my son who just turned 3. We've moved far away from our hometown which was a complete shit hole and just wanted a fresh start in life. They both mean the world to me but I feel like I am missing something. I have always been alone. I never meet any mums or toddlers, I don't have any friends and I don't see my family so I am not sure whether it is loneliness. I have myself to blame for that partly because I never want to see anyone anyway so I can't see it me being lonely? Sometimes I do miss having adult conversation but then I just get over it because that's all you can do. I find it hard to trust people. I remember the sheer anxiety when someone asks me if I am at home and whether they can see me. I'd lie and say no because I don't like people coming over to my house. Is it any wonder I'm lonely? Every day the time goes so slowly and I just want to do nothing but sleep. Honestly I need help big time

You sound depressed OP. Have you ever talked to your GP about the way you feel and had any help? Your life does sound lonely to me, but I'm struck by you commenting that you have always been alone, have been unhappy for a long, long time and feel you're missing something. If you haven't ever reached out for help I would make an appointment and go and talk to your GP as a first point of contact

@zafferana no I haven't. I think I'm so embarrassed to do it. I know mental health is no laughing matter and nothing to be ashamed of. I can picture my GP looking at me as if I am making excuses about being depressed and tell me to eat a better diet and get out more.. but I honestly do feel really low. I used to associate it with being on my period but this is becoming very frequent now. I've joined a mum meet up app but I can't even bring myself to suggest a meet up with the local mums to see if that will help my mood lift. I feel like a good old chat and a cup of tea would make my day. I need to sort my shit out big time.

Ok what you need to understand is clinical depression is a medical condition. The chemicals in your brain change which causes the symptoms of depression and that is why certain antidepressants work because they help to rebalance the chemicals which stop the symptoms.
That means someone with a lovely life and who have never had any problems ever could overnight one day become seemingly out of the blue depressed.

Obviously for others it is trauma etc that triggers depressive episodes, but that is separate to what this thread is talking about.

In clinical depression it is a simple case of symptoms triggered by the change of chemicals in the brain just like for example diabetes is caused by changes to insulin production and no one would ever think twice about going to the gp about the symptoms of potential diabetes so why is different when it's potentially depression.

Know I know that it's more complicated than Iv stated but I'm making the point that you have absolutely no reason to feel you shouldn't be seeking help because if this was any other illness or injury or disease you probably wouldn't think twice!

@Ginkypig that all makes sense. I googled symptoms of clinical depression and I'd say 90% of them link to how I feel. The only thing I am not feeling yet is suicidal. I haven't registered with a doctor yet so Monday I am going to do that and book an appointment. You're absolutely right there's no shame in it. I want to tell my husband but he doesn't understand, like I didn't. He doesn't understand why I'm depressed when I should be happy with the family that I've got. Men really haven't a got clue sometimes !

I need to sort my shit out big time.

You do Kevin because only you can do it. Yes you probably are depressed..but you know what..I’ve been in that big black pit and the only way to get out of it is to keep climbing up no matter how often you slip back down. You’ll find that one day, you never get right back to the bottom , it’ll just be a little slip, maybe you missed a foothold..so just keep climbing.

Let me suggest some supplements if you don’t already take any..lack of good nutrition causes so many mental health problems. You wouldn’t put Coca Cola in your car and expect it to run would you?

So, on account of we Northern Europeans not getting enough vits d from the sun..we need to supplement so
A vit d3 and k2 spray
A good quality electrolyte ..I use concentrace..it’s the salts from the lake in Utah
I’d still supplement with Extra magnesium ..nutri’s megamag is good. Magnesium is vital for so many bodily functions
Bio care vitasorb b..for b vitamins
And they do a zinc one as well which also has vitamin c in
I also take coral calcium from piping rock as it’s from the Caribbean not japan
Ionic selenium and nascent iodine
Those are my staples..although I do take other things as and when

If our food contained everything we needed there would be no need to supplement

Think of them as building blocks to a healthy mind and body

Then start putting little steps into place
A daily meditation..see yourself being that happy confident person that is inside you and is desperate to get out
Learn EFT for your anxiety. Google gary Craig’s 8 minute video on YouTube

Then bring in all the things you know will help..getting out and about, meeting with other people, hobbies, having fun..I’ll leave that to you

You don’t have to be this way. You can choose exactly how you want to be..but it all has to come from you.
Keep looking up, that faint glimmer you see is the light at the top of the big black pit..every step you take up gets you closer and closer to it and the closer you get the brighter it will shine.

My motto is..we are here for a good time not a long time..so enjoy it!

( it took a couple of years to finally get out of the pit and off Valium but I made it and yes there’s little slips and trips But I’ve soon righted myself but I’ve never been back there since 1979..even when the most awful things have happened to me. I’ve grieved over then and moved back up. )

The other thing to ask yourself is...could you have any unresolved grief..it doesn’t have to be over a bereavement..anything you see as a significant loss can trigger despondency and despair.

After considerable work on myself I became a relate counsellor and bereavement counsellor. I learnt so much from my clients and I hope they got all the support they needed from me.
If you do feel there’s a close bereavement that could be triggering your feelings then Cruse, who I used to work for are very good.

I still get empty feelings inside from time to time and I notice I’ve slipped back a bit. That is normal. I miss my loved ones dearly..and sometimes you just have to take a bit of time out..have a good cry..acknowledge that you love and miss them . Tears are the healing for the hurt that’s already happened..so don’t be afraid to let them out..Cruse was marvelous in teaching me that so much depression can be traced back to a loss of some kind.

@Dowser thank you so much for your deeply thought answer. I really do appreciate it. I do have to improve my diet and get some more sunshine. I am trying my best as I really don't want to resort to anti-depressants