As per the thread title, but here is a bit of background about why I'm asking...
I've suffered from various eating disorders for the last 20 years. Mostly bulimia, a period of not eating at all, some binge eating thrown in. It was miserable. I wouldn't say I'm cured now exactly - I still overeat sometimes but nowhere near to the extent I used to, and I no longer purge.
I've wound up being about two stone overweight now, and the energy and motivation I have to do anything about it is zero. I don't know if my metabolism is normal any more after years of abuse, and I am worried that if I tried to lose weight now it would trigger a relapse into the old ways.
Despite everything, I'm in pretty good health. I have yearly check-ups and my blood pressure, cholesterol, resting heart rate etc are always within healthy ranges. I have a bit of arthritis and I'm perimenopausal but all in all, I think it would be healthier, in terms of mental wellbeing, for me to stay a bit fat than to try to diet.
The problem is - I see my body in the mirror and I still hate the way it looks. I don't like the way clothes look on me, and I can't help thinking that I looked better when I was thinner, and then I start to feel weird around food again.
For all these reasons, I really want to try to get into body acceptance. I'm not talking about body positivity, that "beautiful at any size" stuff, because I'm not interested in feeling beautiful - I just want to be ok with myself and stop seeing my body as something to be punished. It's exhausting to have to focus so much attention on my outward appearance when there are other things about me that are much more important and interesting.
Has anyone done this and how did you go about it? Are there any books or guides online that are particularly recommended?