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Need to vent about DM's reaction

7 replies

El2El · 06/12/2019 16:55

Found out earlier today that the doc wants to induce me next week at 39 weeks. I wasn't expecting this (does anyone!?) but I am getting my head around it and happy to follow the docs advice.

Anyway, I came out of the appointment and called DH to let him know and then called DM. As soon as I told she started saying 'no no no no no no no' over me while I was trying to explain. I told her to stop as she was panicking me and I know that whether I'm induced or not, I want to try and keep a positive outlook and not be scared or anxious about it. She said she understood and chilled out a bit while I explained the reasoning for the recommendation but then asked if I knew what they'd do (I don't) and proceeded to tell me about when she was induced over 30 years ago and very quickly started telling me how awful it was ('they gave me a drip and boy was that a game changer!' etc). I could feel the panic in me rising and said to her I needed her to stop as it was already filling me with dread at the idea and I need to be able to stay calm next week, or it will be a lot worse. She kept ignoring me and saying 'ok sorry I'll stop but....' and then carrying on. I'm just pissed off with the whole conversation and generally that I don't have the kind of mother who can be a bit more supportive. She can be so selfish and this was just another chance for her to make something about her. She was annoyed with me when I didn't want to go nursing bra shopping with her (does any 30 year old WANT to go bra shopping with their mothers?) When I was in MAU, because I had been bleeding, I messaged her to let her know while I was on the ward and called as soon as I was discharged. Her immediate reaction was to tell me off for texting and not calling. Need to learn not to expect a supportive reaction and therefore not call her in these moments of need.

Just needed somewhere to vent!

OP posts:
vivapuff · 06/12/2019 17:12

Need to learn not to expect a supportive reaction and therefore not call her in these moments of need.

Yes, that is exactly right OP. You can't change her behaviour, only yours.

Good luck with the induction!

Aquamarine1029 · 06/12/2019 17:19

I'm sorry she's being so awful. I have similar issues with my mother, although not nearly to the level you're suffering with. I learned a very long time ago that sharing certain things only ends up badly as her reactions can be totally off the wall and absurd. She also gets completely unreasonable if I don't share her opinions. I love her, but it can be challenging. All you can do is change the way you interact with her and be very selective as to what you tell her.

Chilledout11 · 06/12/2019 17:22

I don't have a supportive mother either and it's very hard. Don't worry op. Things have progressed massively over 30 years. You will have your little baby in your arms soon and won't even think of being induced. Wishing you all the best for next week Flowers

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countdowntochristmas · 06/12/2019 17:25

Jeez she'd stress me out and you don't need that .
Please try and ignore her although I admit must be hard . She should be calming you down not stressing you out.
First of all being induced is fine it happens every day the doctors and midwifes know what they are doing .
I've been induced twice I admit my youngest is a teen now so 15 years ago but labour was very straightforward .
I'm sure it will be fine but sorry no advice in dealing with your mother.
Congratulations by the way Smile

awesmum · 06/12/2019 17:38

Every birth is different, don't listen to all the horror stories. I was induced 3 years ago, it was fine, the staff were lovely, the hospital was great. This was my 4th birth and it went great.
My mother is similar, I have to grin and ignore it, every time I tell her one of the kids did something good, she says 'oh they take after me, then regales me with some tale about something or another about herself and her achievements.' She does it with all the grandchildren.
Congratulations and try not to stress out about it.

El2El · 06/12/2019 19:19

Thank you - I was half expecting to be told I was being too sensitive. I've got a crap barometer for the unreasonable-ness of her behaviour and today is obviously in the context of our relationship, which is fractious overall, but I didn't want to end up writing loads and loads.

I'm feeling good about the induction and we're excited to meet the baby next weekend!

OP posts:
Khione · 06/12/2019 20:16

I had an induction 42 years ago and a natural 18 months later.

Not really a lot of difference even then.

You will have your own labour, it will have things in common with others, is unlikely to be as bad as the worst or as good as the best. It will be all yours and being induced won't change that. Flowers and for afterwards Wine (if you like it Grin)

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