What's the most surprisingly perceptive thing anyone ever said about you?

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I once gave someone I hardly knew a lift in my car. During the journey, I said I loved driving and she said, "Yes, I knew you loved it as soon as you turned the key." I thought that was pretty amazing - to pick up on something so subtle as the way someone turns an ignition key. Has anyone else had a similar experience?

That I'm unusually self aware. I didn't realise other people weren't as aware of themselves as me. But I've been told what's wrong with me so many times, I've worked hard on improving myself so yes I understand my impact on other people and can easily see other people's perspective even if it's wildly different from mine. I'm probably too empathetic being able to imagine myself in anyone else's shoes.

Remember you don't like everyone, so don't expect everyone to like you.

There are times when I have to remind myself of this because, well I like being liked. However, it has also taught me to go with my instincts because the few times I have gone against my instincts and tried to like someone despite my gut screaming, "No!" at me, it has always blown up in my face.

Not about me, but me about someone else. I'm really not that sort of perceptive person, but I remember just knowing that my then-flatmate would end up married to the bloke who took her to the pub that night. Reader, she married him.

A friend said, "When things get difficult you run!" Which yikes, but she was right.

@flouncyfanny are you sure that you didn’t believe a comment due to low self esteem that you ended up embodying, vs them being right? It sounds like you were young and, actually, it’s normal to try different things to see what works for you. I just had a feeling, reading your post, that you might need to re-examine that comment with your now wiser set of eyes, and perhaps give yourself a break

During one of my appraisals, my then line manager - after lots of positive feedback - told me one more critical piece of feedback he'd received on me. He then said, "And now you're going to instantly write off everything that's good about you and that one thing is going be all you remember hearing in this meeting, isn't it?" And he was right. I will never believe that I can do anything well.

Soemone once said to me quite recently; 'You are always so laid back and relaxed about things'.

Truth is i am a stress head and eat myself up inside with anxiety about what I do compared to what I think I should be doing.

What that comment DID was make me take stock and since then I really HAVE relaxed about things. I am much happier too. So, someone's comment which seemed misplaced has actually changed me a bit .... much to my benefit!

When I was 19 my housemates sister came to visit and told me I work really hard at making other people feel good. I’ve since had loads of mental health problems and hours of therapy and she was absolutely right - I feel responsible for other people’s feelings (narc mother). I had no awareness at the time but she was spot on.

"You won't get anywhere here because you're not a mouse."

"You're not an extrovert, you're a confident introvert."

Neither were earth shattering surprises to me, but very relevant at the time.

When i was 14, my geography teacher called me bolshy. I asked what it meant. He said "you'd better fine out, you'll be needing it..."

I thought I was a shy, quiet, intelligent swotty girl. He was right!

Being told I was a perfectionist and replying that I couldn’t be because nothing I did was ever done as well as it could be. And then the penny dropped.....

And being told I was a swan - serene and calm on the surface and paddling madly underneath. There was a video of me from a presentation training day at work and it showed the physical manifestation of this - calming speaking above the lectern with virtually tap dancing below.

At a wedding of a friend of DH. We had been married a year and TTC. We were ot confident of it working as I had quite a list of gynae issues but we thought, cant say we didnt try.
At this wedding and chatting to a woman and out of the total blue she gives me this very long, deep look and says
"You know you're pregnant?"
I chuckled and shook my head.
"Nope. Not likely...cant be. Not with my uterus in the condition it's in."
I had a DD from a previous relationship and having been pregnant before, i thought I didnt "feel" pregnant so went on about my merry way. Didnt say anything to DH cos I just dismissed it as stuff people say.

A week or so later. Guess what?
It still gives me little shivers.
Never met her again or even really knew her name.

lolaflores

I've twice said friends were pregnant, neither was planned and both early stages. It's really weird because I just came out with it, no conscious thought about it.

Something said about me to someone else, "If sashh doesn't want you to know something, you won't know about it"

My daughter told me 'mommy you're fat'

Astute.

ssash there was this look that she gave me though. It was like she was looking through me. 1000 yard stare. If I hadn't been so convinced it couldn't have been true, I may have given her the benefit of the doubt but the conditions were really not ideal. Gynae had said he didnt fancy our chances but stranger things had happened at sea so why not.

A man I knew once said "ahhh, that explains a lot!" when he learned a fact about a friend of mine (that he had been in prison). I thought this man was really perceptive! But then later heard him say it another couple of times to other people about other things, and I realised he wasn't perceptive, he was just trying to sound like he was!

A family member sees the negative aspect of what most others take for charm & charisma & says I'm manipulative. I'm often described as personable. I do see what they mean, Im good at persuading others & I do like getting my own way.

A few week's ago someone asked me why I was trying to compensate for my dcs difficulties when they had a great life and a happy home.

I know it sounds basic, but I was running myself into the ground trying to ensure my kids had everything I felt they 'needed', when there was no need.

It has been life-changing. I have stopped trying to rescue everyone and started thinking about myself.

Advice from strangers is the best as they have no agenda. I was at a party with my ex was in my mid twenties. Having a light small talk chat with a woman my age now about mid 40s. She suddenly said “oh ditch him and move to London”. So I did. Best move ever tripled my salary and met a fantastic husband

Yes, that's it TSwift, you hit the nail on the head. No agenda.

The week I got my diagnosis of ASD and dyspraxia I turned up at my pub quiz team and announced that I now know why I'm weird.

My friends were very interested but I noted that none of them tried to argue that I wasn't weird. They're right.

Because of the ASD I typically feel very out of my depth in large groups. I used to feel bad about this until one day a relative observed, after a heart to heart, that I have a "gift for intimacy". It was such a helpful thing to say. Because it's true but I had never noticed. I was too busy looking at my social awkwardness.

I still wish I was more socially slick but I comfort myself that I have other social qualities.

My sister and I used to share a flat when we were postgrads. We had two flat mates, one of whom was a friend of my sister, total PITA as a flat mate and I really didn’t like or know her very well at all!

My sister told me that they’d been talking about me and our other flat mate. Her friend, the PITA, said “Flatmate 4, she’s lovely” (by which she meant boring, not very clever, too smiley0). Then she went on to say “and Wally’s really nice too... but she’s got an edge, hasn’t she?».

She’s right, I do. And I’m grateful for it. It has stopped me from getting stuck in needy, dependent relationships. And it enables me to put myself equal first in my relationships with people. I expect people to take responsibility for their lives. I don’t just roll over and take whatever crap people try to push my way.