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Original poster

Christmas present dilemma

39 replies

Chickenitalia · 05/12/2019 17:23

Need some ideas for how to manage the presents this year please.
We will be at PILs from 22nd to 26th Dec.
DHs other siblings and their children will all be there for 24th and 25th.
As a family we have all agreed to only buy for the kids and for PIL, and this is fine.
Discussions have been had as to what the children all want, and mine are the only ones who want actual gifts rather than money or vouchers. This is also fine, happy to give what things are wanted, but it means that on Christmas Day, mine will be opening gifts and the others will basically all have cards. I know that at least a couple of the other children will complain because they’re still at the age where size is all that matters in gifting, they won’t see that the value is equal. There is often a dig or two at DH and I for staying longer (due to distance, believe me I wish I could go for just a few hours) and I know from previous experience, the other siblings sit about and won’t parent the children, expecting mine to ‘share’ their gifts around. They aren’t things that will share easily and it always ends in fighting and tears. I don’t want that again.

Any thoughts as to how I can manage this? I’ve considered taking the gifts out to the car still wrapped and letting the kids have them once we’re home, but that feels unfair on them, or perhaps opening them on the 23rd when no one else is there, but DH thinks that would cause more problems as his parents are obsessed about everyone opening things one by one so everyone can see. Whatever I do I am sure it will be my fault.

Any other ideas or ways to manage this please?

OP posts:

GreenTulips · 07/12/2019 00:58

What will they open from parents?
No small child will just get money will they?

MsPavlichenko · 07/12/2019 01:04

So does Santa come? If not it sounds utterly rubbish for the DC. The wee ones especially, but all of them. If he does then they'll have their presents surely?

Otherwise I'd not go tbh. Christmas Eve/Morning is all about the DC. Stockings, presents etc. Their joy is what makes it for us. They'll be up before you know. Don't compromise on this.

MsPavlichenko · 07/12/2019 01:05

By up I mean grown up.

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Blackbear19 · 07/12/2019 09:58

Do you think part of the issue is physical space in cars to carry toys and luggage, vouchers don't take up space?

Zone4flaneur · 07/12/2019 11:13

If the timings work, can you go straight out for a walk or to the park after present opening? We usually do that to counter the present frenzy. You'd need to get one adult to come as well. Makes the rest of the day more pleasant if they've had a runaround.

Original poster

Chickenitalia · 07/12/2019 12:11

Thanks for all the ideas. I have managed to get some sense from one of my SIL with the two younger kids and have gift ideas for them, which is great. It does seem to matter especially with younger ones I think. Transport isn’t an issue, I think it was a backlash aimed at my MIL who loves to be organised early (as do I tbh) and they couldn’t think of anything and have commented before about getting ‘plastic tat’ that clutters up the house. I get on fine with my PIL and there are clashes with the other siblings partners. I have no idea what other items they will be getting from parents etc, and can only hope they have proper gifts. I also love to do stockings (these are the bit that comes from Santa for us) but we have to keep those in the bedrooms upstairs as I’ve been told off for that before now too as the other families don’t do them. I’m not stopping the traditions I love and my kids love for other people, don’t worry!

The more I think about it the more I feel sorry for the other kids. It’s hard to explain, it’s a big family and all the partners families have their traditions too. I don’t want to offend or upset anyone, that’s the problem!

OP posts:

charm8ed · 07/12/2019 12:20

Sounds like it could be time for you guys to do your own family Christmas complete with all your own traditions, stockings and actual presents.

Herocomplex · 07/12/2019 13:07

Yes, I would think about having your Christmas on the actual day, then a family get-together.

We had an extended family Christmas once and my sister got upset as she was worried my kids would have big presents, and my sister is struggling a bit. I felt terrible that she was so worried, and I was glad she’d said how she was feeling.

MsPavlichenko · 07/12/2019 15:53

Having read your update I'd definitely not go. No presents because the GPS don't like clutter? These years fly by ( take it from me). You want to bank happy family memories. Clutter and wrapping paper is part of that. We always do had (have) Santa leave stuff in living room. So much more fun, and the grandparents loved it too.

OctoberLovers · 07/12/2019 16:01

I just couldnt be there. And i would happily tell PIL why.

It sounds a shambles. Christmas suppose to be about the kids, having fun and being happy ffs

lljkk · 07/12/2019 16:43

Gift as card < unwrapped item: This seems like a problem that belongs to the parents of the other children, not to OP.

OP's kids' gifts may get damaged: Agree with your children that they wait until return home or no cousins around (or time in car/hotel) to play with new items (this is a huge ask for the 6yo, I grant).

Staying "too long": could you stay in a hotel some of the time? That would give separate safe space to play with gifts, too. If anyone has a dig then stare them down, that is also THEIR problem, not yours.

Blackbear19 · 08/12/2019 01:01

OP you've got your arrangements for this year. But I'd pull out of next year. Surely you want to have a Christmas with your own parents or in your own house?

I have done one Christmas in the ILs house and vowed never again. Their ideas probably suited adults / older children but it was far too grown up for a 3 year old. So from then on I decided I was not going to be underminded and dictated to on Christmas Day.

hettie · 08/12/2019 08:59

I think you need to allow a few minutes of joy/play wth their presents then once all unwrapping is fine take them to your room. You'll need to tell your kids in advance of course (explain its very busy there are lots of kids adults and they may get trodden on/broken, you can definitely talk to the ten year old separately to get buy in and help with younger two). Once the toys are in the room bring out old toys board games for family kids. If your youngest two get distracted you might want to surrender some time wth them in your room

JaJoJe · 15/12/2019 19:18

I would take gifts for the other kids so they have their own things to play with. Even if you do both, say you would normally give £20 budget then get a £5 toy and give £15 (or £5 toy and £5 for a £10 budget etc...).

If the kids are young enough to still not understand value and to still want to play with all your kids toys then I dont believe for one second they are requesting cash but more their parents are.

The best gifts I got as a kid where from aunts and uncles who bought random games I had never heard of. I doubt they where expensive but they where always so much fun and an extra surprise since id never even heard of them before.

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