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I feel sad and not a little cross at myself.

5 replies

Deathraystare · 05/12/2019 08:00

Just back from my Aunt's. She is around 85 years old. She is getting very forgetful.

Anyway, the hallway was soaked as the upstairs toilet has leaked. At least I think it is the toilet. Also the kitchen light was out. She hadn't even put a bucket to catch the drips!

She can be very frustrating as she is never in when people come around. She is a bit deaf and spends a lot of her time feeding birds and other people's cats so would be outside when people call.

My sister in law had facebooked the plumber (I had also rang him). Later on , I hear from my brother that he came round TWICE but no answer. This could be partly because her bell is on the outside door. There are two doors. Not many people see it.

I went into nag mode(useless, I know) to say that the electrician lady would be around Monday so please stay in. Nope she went out shopping (when not in the garden she is out shopping!). She has enough food in to feed an army so does not need to go out so much (I know she gets lonely and like other old people likes to get to the shops on a regular basis). I also suggested she fed the birds/cats /whatever, before she came. Of course she didn't. Anyway, the electrician did come and I managed to get hold of my aunt.

She has always been a bit 'odd', not a people person or family minded at all. She and my mum were often at logger heads and I would have to keep the peace.

It wasn't until I got home that I was thinking it over. I will have to be more sympathtic to her. She has always been self reliant and finds it hard "I used to be able to.....". I feel sad for her and cross that I have been rather intolerant and not very patient.

My and my brother and his wife were talking about the way forward. I feel she is already unsafe i her own home , I found a heater with stuff melted on it. She wondered "What someone had done to it!!" She lives alone. My Brother and his wife cannot get in to see her because if she is in, she keeps a key in the door and if she is in, is feeding animals, on the loo (she takes hours) or does not hear the bell, so it wouldn't be them and I tend to open windows to let some air in the place so she is the only one that would use it (when her heating was off).

She does not have a proper over but has a table top cooker. You have to stand on a step to peer into the pans!

I know she won't be happy in a home, even a warden assisted flat. She doesn't like being with other people (they talk too much). However I feel we shall have to do something very soon.

This is the woman who got suckered into loads of scams. She would have been very comfortably off otherwise. The phone calls from dodgy pill companies have got less as it had finally dawned on her that it was taking up all her money. I told her, the bank manager told her, the fraud squad told her, Age Uk told her.....

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 05/12/2019 08:06

I'll get slammed for this but I don't think everyone should stay in their own home. My late DGF lost the ability to stay on top of his home maintenance towards the end of his life and it just caused incredible stress for him. Some people are more suited to an institutional setting.

CaMePlaitPas · 05/12/2019 08:20

This lady sounds very vulnerable. I think that a self-contained flat in an assisted living area could be a good shout. She can still be independent but there's things to do in the common room and someone comes in once or twice a day to make sure she's OK. She's probably taking ages on the toilet because she's finding it difficult. The radiator thing is worrying because it's a fire risk, would she be able to evacuate if God forbid there was a fire?

Deathraystare · 05/12/2019 09:08

Well there are so many worries because she is fiercely independent. I defrosted her fridge and the smell! The fish she "bought a few days ago" had an October end of date and was mega honking. Likewise some sandwich spread type stuff (the pots of tuna and sweetcorn and cheese and onion) were dated September. I had put everything else in another fridge whilst this fridge was defrosting but told her if she insisted on keeping this mingy stuff, she should put it in the other fridge herself.

Yes we all think maybe a flat would be good because then she could avoid other people. She is not a people person (unless they have dogs!). She goes to knit and natter once a fortnight and hates that the other ladies talk about their family as she is not really interested in hers.

She keeps it quite clean but sometimes I think she gets depressed and lets it go. She used to love gardening but there are not many plants in her garden and a gardener sees to her lawns.

I am just dreading that conversation!

OP posts:
LetThemEatDrama · 05/12/2019 09:16

Could you address it with her as that you're concerned "one day" she'll need more help, as age/health changes etc and it'll be very stressful and difficult for her to move at that point so why doesn't she move into a sheltered flat now so she can settle in and get everything sorted while she's still independent, before she needs to move. I know you and most of us would say that point is actually now but a little white lie might help her feel that it's not such a big deal.

Hepsibar · 05/12/2019 21:42

You may need to contact her GP, although they will not be able to discuss anything medical, you can explain what is happening because it sounds like she needs some intervention and has some mental health issues.

The GP may refer to Adult Social Services but it all takes a very long time. Age UK are very good with volunteers to be "friends" and also have advice lines and networks of support.

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