When is enough enough? Boundaries need to be put in place

[samm16]

Please can we get some advice in here! When is enough enough and how can you put boundaries in place and make someone stick to them?

Basically there has been an ongoing issue for a while where my OH will watch pornography, even when I’m in the house but doesn’t fuss about being intimate with me. From early on he said that this has been throughout all relationships after the ‘new and exciting’ period ends and it isn’t a big deal to him. We had a blow up a short while ago as I confronted him about the porn whisky in was in the house and a though it was an awful night of him commenting we’d passed a bridge we can’t come back from as I was invading his privacy again he came around and we sorted it... I felt a lot better as he acknowledged the issue and said he’d try and not watch or given it was impacting us.

Today... I’ve come home and he’s locked in the bathroom again and I know that it’s reverted back to the issue...

We are getting married (and I expect to get the usual comments) but I just want to know how you deal with this as I’m just worried about getting the same comments of good much has happened between us to move forward’ which I know hell say. This is the standard to get me to back down but I genuinely love him and our relationship is amazing taking away the issue above so even though many people would say just don’t put up with it I don’t want to lose anything and I’m hoping there’s someone there who can advise a way to approach this again when he can be very stubborn when he is in the wrong.

You'll end up involuntarily celibate and he'll gaslightedly blame you. If you have kids, you'll feel trapped and unable to leave. Years of celibacy, dragging out before you.

Is that what you want? No?

Then you have to leave.

how can you put boundaries in place and make someone stick to them?

Part 1: putting boundaries in place, easy, you have both said where your boundaries are. Your boundary is around not liking your boyfriend using porn a lot. His boundary is around not liking a girlfriend telling him whether her can use porn or not.

Part 2: how do you make someone stick to them? You don't. You can't. You have fundamentally misunderstood boundaries. A boundary is for yourself not the other person.

You have mutually exclusive boundaries. It is doomed.

Crap sex life even before you get married sounds grim for the future. Do you want celibacy?

Sounds like he's your friend not your boyfriend.

@Smallnmighty thank you lovely I appreciate the supportive comments there. It is exactly that.... first relationship and I do feel that way when things are good so that’s how its confusing as though I’m not sure what’s real or not... almost a what if I would be leaving someone who would change and isn’t meaning to make me feel that way... as someone above mentioned ‘said every deluded woman ever’!

This is a habit. Habits a notoriously hard to break, especially if the person with the habit doesn’t want to break it, which he clearly doesn’t.

Your relationship is not amazing. He will not change. Marrying him will be a mistake you regret.