Think I'm close to breaking

[Cuppatea10]

My DS is 3.5 and I love him dearly. However he is always ill. Mainly chest infections. We have been referred to the hospital but no time frame given. He has allergies and bad silent reflux. Which he is on medication for. Pretty sure he has asthma as it runs in the family. He has a blue inhaler.
Today I've had to take another day off work unpaid. I'm a single parent and I'm struggling. I'm worried that work will soon lose it with me and I'll be without a job. I'm a nervous wreck because everytime my DS gets ill in scared how bad it's going to get. DS dad is good however with the illness side of things it gets left to me. He won't take days off to share the load. My mum well that's just pointless asking her. I have no one around for emotional support and I'm so down and worried and upset for my DS. I seriously feel on the edge of some kind of break down. I feel constantly stressed and anxious and my body is tense all the time which leads to muscle pains. Had headaches this week and I just want to know why my DS is always getting chest infections. I'm worried it could be something bad too. I just feel so hopeless and helpless and alone

Guess I'm alone here too

Sounds like hard work. Have you started eliminating food or been referred to a dietitian?

Have they done bloods? At least it would take the worry away of it being anything serious.

Your DS's dad simply can't keep shirking resonsibility - he'll have to start taking days off too. What's his excuse as to why it always has to be you?

for you. It sounds like you need some help for you. Have you got a good doctor you can talk to? Also does ds’s dad know how it’s affecting you? Have you told him about the strain of talking all of the days off? It really needs to be an equal share.
Also, talk to your employer of you think they’ll be understanding and explain your anxieties about the situation.
I generally find that people are so wrapped up in their own stress and busyness that they are oblivious to the stress of others.
Sometimes you just need to spell it out to people very clearly that you need some support.
Also reach out to good friends. Do you have someone you can just chat and offload to? Even just saying stuff outbound and knowing someone has heard you can help. X

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time and your poor DS too.
When was he referred to the hospital? I believe the guidelines are to be seen in 12 weeks (don't quote me on that) but it's still a long time to wait. Could you contact the GP and ask them to expedite the appointment? Do you take him to the GP every time he has a chest infection as in, are they aware how frequent they are?
Your ex really should be helping more as like you say, you can't keep taking time off. Are your work aware of your lack of support network and that your DS is awaiting an appointment?
Once your son has his appointment I'm sure things will improve with his health as he'll see a specialist and have tests that GP's can't do.

My DS is almost 3, he gets a lot of chest infections (though not as badly as your boy and no allergies luckily). The GP prescribed him a steroid inhaler (brown) with the most recent chest infection. I'm hoping this will build his little lungs up a bit so he can fight these bugs. If you don't have one I'd suggest pushing for one.

Other than that, and Its such hard work dealing with ill children even without the worry about your job.

Oh the other thing is, have you had his reflux medication dosage reviewed recently? I'm sure it goes along the basis of weight. The acid irritating his throat can't help his respiratory issues. Ignore me if you have!

The reflux could be causing the chest infections. If the reflux is travelling right up his throat then it could be going into his lungs on the way back down again. Asthma is sometimes a sign of reflux irritating the trachea/lungs. Ask for a referral to a paediatric GI specialist, it might also be helpful to have a referral to paediatric speech and language therapy who could assess his swallow and make sure that swallowing problems aren’t causing the chest infections. Keep his oral cavity nice and clean - clean teeth after meals but also check he isn’t pocketing bits of food in his cheeks and that his tongue is clean and gums look healthy. Bacteria breeding in the mouth can be flushed into the lungs and cause infection so if he has bad breath this would be something to consider too. If it is reflux related then GI and speech therapy would be more use than a respiratory consultant.

Sorry you are having such a hard time OP

With the chest infections, if he has antibiotics, every time the infections will keep coming back because the antibiotics kill all the good bacteria too which is what helps our immune system. We have probiotics which I think really help with this as they boost the good bacteria in your gut (lots of information about this online). I mean the powder type you can sprinkle of your cereal, (not Yakult etc) Biocare do some good ones, especially for children.

And yes your son's Dad can't 'refuse' to not have time off, especially if you don't get paid, it needs to be shared equally.

@Selfsettling3 we were under a dietician until he was 2. We felt our appointments were a waste as his allergy was controlled and we were on reflux meds.

@Quirrelsotherface no bloods, but I guess they would do them on our appointment when we finally get one? He doesn't really have one. I just don't think he wants to take unpaid leave but he has no rent to pay and he works full time so 1 day here and there to him wouldn't impact him like it does me

@Howtosupportmyfriend I have been to the doctors for meds and im on a low dose atm. I started therapy this week for anxiety around DS as well as other things. Just no day to day support really.
DS dad knows all my strains and worries but its like he just lets me deal with it and just asks for updates on DS. Its like banging my head against a wall with him.

@Livebythecoast referral was only made 1 week ago. DS dad was suppose to be going private but I keep asking him and hes putting it off. Yes I've taken him to GP's been up A&E numerous time. Got sent home 3 times in A&E before they did an X ray and said ah yea he has a chest infection!! I knew he had but they kept sending me away. Don't think work are entirely aware of lack of support.

@QueenWhatevs he was recently put back on reflux meds so dosage should be fine. Although they gave us a tiny bottle that lasts 10 days.

@gavisconismyfriend thank you that's really helpful. Sometimes I do wonder about his swallow as he dribbles so much in his sleep. He also has a dummy (please don't judge) which I am trying my hardest to get rid of.

@ThisIsM thank you, I've heard probiotics can be quite good. Where do you purchase from? Holland and Barret?

Well as the referral was only made a week ago you could wait a while. Push your ex for a private referral - you could be seen in a matter of days. You could then still transfer to NHS for ongoing care after.

I was like you (ds is now 15) he did eventually get a diagnosis of asthma and other things but prior to this they put him on a steroid inhaler which helped massively - reduced infections, less coughing, finally slept through the night when he was well.
A turning point for us was when I broke down at the GPs because I was struggling, work weren't happy and I had no help from ds dad (who stopped contact aged 2). I knew the health side of things was an issue but felt I was banging my head against a brick wall. The gp kindly did blood test for anything and everything, some came back abnormal which narrowed things down got an appropriate referral and eventually a diagnosis. Which has helped - he's still not well but due to his diagnosis we can control things better, because he's better controlled his asthma is better, he doesn't pick up as many chest infections etc..
On another note
My dd had chest problems from birth they said it was probably asthma (family history) I wasn't convinced they did tests found other issues that were treatable via long term antibiotics and physio she has been so much better and went from at least one infection every 3 weeks to none in two years!
So moral of my story if your worried keep pestering the Dr's, tell them the whole truth how it effects you both on a day to day basis. If you need a second opinion ask for it. Also are you able to consider a nanny? I was just looking into this when ds got diagnosed as I felt that way I'd be able to work and not get called by nursery be cause he's ill again.
Finally keep going it gets easier he will grow immunity and hopefully with treatment will improve. For now look after yourself as best you can so you can look after ds. If there's anything non essential don't do it, keep you and ds away from as many bugs as possible. If you can talk to a friend or relative or professional this may help although I found even people with young kids couldn't understand the anxiety and exhaustion from having constantly ill child.

Just as a side note about the dummy (no judgement) my DD has a Christmas birthday so when she was 3 we told her she had to leave her dummies (and she was a real addict) under the Christmas tree for the baby reindeers in exchange for presents. We were dreading it but it worked a treat and the dummies were history! I appreciate that it is the least of your worries, just thought I'd mention it.

@Cuppatea10 no online from BioCare xx

My DH had awful chest issues and it ended up being caused by reflux. Definitely worth pushing for investigation.

I've sent you a PM.

We also went through the A&E chest X-ray "oh yeah he does have a chest infection"
Despite the GP telling us - that morning- that his chest was clear.

@butterfly02 thank you that's really hopeful. Did the GP do tests before you had a referall? Do you think there's any use in asking GP for tests since I've just got a referall?
Oh yea the anxiety is awful, I feel I can hardly relax as in waiting for another chest infection round the corner. I'm so close to breaking down in the doctors and being like in struggling. I don't want them to think I'm an unfit mum though.

Thanks @Livebythecoast I said to him about giving to Santa in exchange for presents. He started crying but I know it needs to be done and it's for his own good.

Don’t push on giving up dummy just now, you have enough to deal with, I do understand, I was a single parent too, working full time, no help from daughter’s dad and used to feel sick when the familiar number of her school came up on the phone as knew they were calling to say she was ill and needed to be collected and remember so well that awful feeling of being pulled in 2 directions, obviously she was priority but I desperately needed to hold onto my job, I just muddled through really but felt so lonely and pressured

Honestly they won't think your an unfit mother, the unfit mother wouldn't be at the gp and worrying about it all.
Worth asking about blood tests it would be useful for the hospital to have them when you see the consultant. It will depend on protocols for your NHS trust. When ds had bloods he had standard plus any thing that was gastric or chest related (as these were his main symptoms).

Have they done a culture of his sputum? Which antibiotics has he had? It is not true that antibiotics will cause more infections. They may upset his gut and probiotics will help with that. But they won't cause bacteria that turns into another infection.

He could have issues with liquids that go into his lungs. Does he choke on liquids or foods?

It could also be walking bronchitis which would require a much longer course of antibiotics than a gp will prescribe. Usually 6-8 weeks. He really needs to see a respiratory specialist and have an X-ray too.