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Original poster

Is it ok to leave almost 16 DS overnight...in charge of 11 year old DD

29 replies

Kitsmummy · 04/12/2019 09:07

DS is 16 next month, v sensible and I wouldn't worry about leaving him overnight for one night haven't done it before but I'd be happy with it, as would he).

But is it ok for me to leave him in charge of his sister too? She is 11. Whilst I feel that they would both be fine with this, I'm not sure if it would be fine for me to do this...or really bad parenting Confused

Is it ok????

OP posts:
halcyondays · 04/12/2019 09:10

No, I wouldn’t leave either of them alone overnight until they’re at least 16.

Davros · 04/12/2019 09:11

I think it's ok. Have you got neighbours who they can go to if any problems? How far away will you be?

AlexaShutUp · 04/12/2019 09:11

I wouldn't. Sorry.

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TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince · 04/12/2019 09:12

God no. Wild parties happen in empty teenage houses

AllTheCakes · 04/12/2019 09:12

I wouldn’t. Why do you need to do this?

BertrandRussell · 04/12/2019 09:14

I think if they are happy to do it then fine to leave them together. But not to leave anyone in charge.

happycamper11 · 04/12/2019 09:14

Would depend entirely on the kids. You know yours best. Do they get on? Are they likely to have friends round? How responsible are they in general. Do you have neighbours or family that can step in if necessary?

puds11 · 04/12/2019 09:15

I’d probs leave him and take 11 year old. Or can 11 year old sleep over at a friends?

Morganmermaid · 04/12/2019 09:19

No I wouldn’t.

If the 16 year old was happy to be left alone that would be ok.

But it’s an extra level of responsibility to put on the 16 year old if they have to look after the 11 year old as well.

TheSandman · 04/12/2019 09:21

This is a real 'how long is a piece of string' question. Only you know the answer because only you know your kids, their friends, your history and your geography. ( Leaving kids overnight in a small tight-knit family-filled village is vastly different to leaving kids overnight in a newly moved into inner-city flat.)

I think the fact that you came here and asked total strangers for their opinion means that you must have real doubts about whether this is a good idea or not. Those doubts won't vanish as soon as you leave them for the night. Trust your instincts. You don't really want to do this do you?

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 04/12/2019 09:26

I would but then I had to leave my 16 year old over night with his 8 and 6 year old brothers while I was my dils birthing partner .

Lweji · 04/12/2019 09:29

Do you actually have doubts or do you think society might disapprove?

I'd leave my almost 15 year old and he'd be happy to. At least for a night. But I know most people (my mother) would be very worried, so I'm waiting until he's almost 16.

user1471449295 · 04/12/2019 09:32

I’d leave my 16 year old, but not in charge of an 11 year old. Can she sleep round a friends house?

puds11 · 04/12/2019 09:33

I wouldn’t be happy leaving a 16 with an 8 and 6 year old

TheABC · 04/12/2019 09:36

Context is everything. In principle, I would have no problem with it: I would trust the 16 year old to babysit a younger child and an overnight stay in their own home should present no terrors.

In practice, it depends on if they can get hold of you or have dependable adult nearby. What would the plan be for food? Do they need to get up for school the next day and does that require transport?

Alternatively, you could ask for a favour from friends or family and arrange a sleepover for the 11 year old. That would solve your immediate dilemma.

Selfsettling3 · 04/12/2019 09:37

Would the 15 yr old be able to cope if they both got noro virus or know what to do if the switch board was tripped?

youcancallmequeenE · 04/12/2019 09:44

For a bit of perspective...At 16 your child is old enough to be a parent themselves.

Maybe a fairer point would be, is the 11 year old responsible enough to be left in the care of your 16 year old? And do you trust them to be ok and know how to behave responsibly/get ready for school/lock up the house etc?

Seeline · 04/12/2019 09:48

Also - what does leaving them overnight entail?
Coming home from school to an empty house, preparing the evening meal, getting up by themselves, sorting breakfast/school run and locking house up? Or being left at 9pm and someone being there before they leave for school next morning?

Greykitten · 04/12/2019 09:55

Depends on the 11 year old, and whether you have neighbours who would help out in an emergency.

I've left my teenagers on occasion, sometimes for more than one night, due to work travel commitments. They are a bit closer in age though.

Flyingsouthwiththeswallows · 04/12/2019 09:55

Think through worst case scenario.

My parents left me at 15 with a 13 year old sister and younger brother.

My sister left a chip pan on the heat and didn’t realise the house was on fire until she could no longer see the TV in the next room through the haze. I was upstairs doing homework.

I had to get both of them, together with a dog, out of the house. I then go back in to a burning building to phone the fire brigade.

Decades later I am still affected by that event. I am neurotic about fire and have flashbacks if I smell heat or burning. I am also sure the shock my parents experienced when they returned home, never left them.

My sister

Flyingsouthwiththeswallows · 04/12/2019 09:56

Sorry, not sure where the extra ‘My sister’ came from

Apolloanddaphne · 04/12/2019 10:05

I left my DDs alone overnight when they were 16 and 11. It was perfectly fine. I trusted DD1 to act responsibly and DD2 was a quiet easy child. They knew they could go to a neighbour if there were any issues.

AlexaShutUp · 04/12/2019 10:09

Flyingsouth Flowers That sounds terrifying.

Original poster
Kitsmummy · 04/12/2019 10:38

Wow, thank you for all the responses.

To answer a few questions...it's not something I HAVE to do, it's more that I'd like to do it...hence if it's not ok then I won't do it.

We live in a close knit village, lovely neighbours either side. Both children sensible and would be happy with this. It is on a school night...they'd let themselves in (common for us), make a simple pasta/beans on toast tea...the 15 year old is used to doing this every now and again. They'd also get themselves out of the house and onto the school bus the next morning. I would ring to check they were up, but on the days I work I leave before them anyway so they are used to getting themselves up and out.

I personally feel it would be fine...BUT I wasn't sure if my views were really out if line with everyone else's...and if it's a unanimous "this is a terrible idea" then I wouldn't do it. I know my mum would be horrified!

Thanks for responses...the jury's still out at the mo!

OP posts:
TheSandman · 04/12/2019 10:39

Sorry, not sure where the extra ‘My sister’ came from

Well... when a mummy and a daddy love each other very much....

Smile

(Or 'a mummy and a mummy' or 'a daddy and a daddy' - I don't want to be heteronormative here.)

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