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Upset and in need of a listening ear.

11 replies

ThisMustBeMyDream · 03/12/2019 23:12

Fuck off daily mail parasites.

I'm currently sitting cuddling my 7 year old, who is very upset and unable to settle to sleep. As a single mum I don't have anyone here to talk to, so please hear me out.
We go to the local pool for swimming lessons, and tonight another mum behaved appallingly in the changing rooms. She banged on the door of our changing room, and accused me of removing her kids stuff out of it - it certainly had been removed but not by me (it is against centre rules to reserve changing rooms by leaving belongings so I assume staff cleared it). I told her I hadn't removed her stuff, but that the staff most likely had so she should go and find them. She started screaming and shouting at me that if she found out I'd removed them she would "twat me silly fucking slag". This is in a changing room - in front of kids (mine and all the others!). At that point I sternly told her to go away from me and do not speak to me again.
Then, she did that awful chest bump thing where people puff their chest up and do that awful agressive dance almost. Her teenage daughter then shoved me using her body in the same manner. At that point I started shouting for help and for someone to get the staff. Out of all the adults, only one man stepped in and got me a clear safe space to move and slam the door shut and lock it. Everyone else just stared.
So me and my children were left shaking, in a cubical. No staff came - despite later being informed one of them did hear the commotion. The changing room was empty when we got out of the cubical. I didn't want to walk through the other changing room alone with my children (the family changing which we were in is at the back of the centre - you walk through the other changing area to exit). I went towards the pool in the hope if finding someone to help. It was closed. So I had no choice but to go through the other changing room (there isn't even any mobile reception so I couldn't call the main desk). As soon as I rounded the corner to the main reception area, the awful woman was there with her teenager (and her own 2 children). I stopped dead and called over to the reception that I needed to see a manager immeadiately and that I had been threatened and assaulted by these women. The receptionist, to my absolute horror, said "it's nothing to do with us - the two of you have to sort it by yourself". I could not believe what I was hearing. I shouted louder as there were more staff there, that I wanted to see a manager right away. The manager heard me at that point, and did come to speak to me.
Luckily at that point she was horrrified by what I told her. Lord only knows what this other woman was spouting as she said she had heard something had happened. She seemed reasonable and understanding. She agreed with me that the receptionist should not have said what she did. I asked why no one came to speak to me if (as she had told me) a member of staff had heard the commotion. She couldn't answer that. She said they would look in to the points I raised (telling people not to leave stuff in changing rooms, and then telling them if they remove it so other parents don't get the abuse, having a member of staff around at the start and end of lessons, and the fact that there is no way to get help if you need it) and also that the receptionist needs training on what the appropriate response is in this situation.

My poor son is still awake, I started writing this 45 minutes ago. He has autism and adhd so this has affected him quite significantly. It will be something he will always remember and will now be added to his repertoire of events that he talks about over and over. I am trying to cheer him up, reassure him and make light of the situation, but as anyone knows - trying to stop a child with autism repeating things is basically impossible.

I will now be cancelling my children's lessons, but in order for them to continue elsewhere, will now have to pay double for the privlige. All because some woman with an attitude problem wanted to kick off and intimidate because she was essentially called out on her poor changing room etiquette by the staff.

OP posts:
ClementineWardobe · 03/12/2019 23:20

I'm so so sorry, that's awful. What is the matter with people? I was upset just reading your post. I hope you feel better soon and your kids do too.

Apileofballyhoo · 03/12/2019 23:24

I think this was a case for the police actually. Or helped my anxious child when he was little to know that the police are there to protect the population from assault, physical and verbal.

Nessaofbarry · 03/12/2019 23:24

Wow, there’s some scummy people around! Sorry you went through that and sorry your kids had to hear that. You sound strong OP and like you stood your ground. I probably would’ve cried like a baby haha!

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sniffsneeze · 03/12/2019 23:24

What a total scumbag! I'm so sorry that happened. What is wrong with some people? It would never cross my mind to do that to another human being.

SleepWarrior · 03/12/2019 23:32

Do you mean pay double because you wouldn't get a refund on these lessons? I wouldn't accept that.

The refusal of the pool to step in or phone the police when one of their customers was being abusive to another is the reason it escalated to the point that it did.

I'd be stating that I needed a full refund and actually I think I may well still involve the police - aggressive and threatening behaviour like that is a legitimate reason to contact them.

ThisMustBeMyDream · 03/12/2019 23:37

I have told my son that the police have told the other lady off, so he knows that there was a concequence.
In reality, my experience of the police is that absolutely nothing will be done (budget cuts of course). So it will be an absolute waste of time.

The council run swimming lessons are £23 a month. The only other local lessons are Becky Addlington swim stars at £40 for one child! I have 2 to pay for!

Thank you for listening and letting me get that off my chest. Talking does help.

OP posts:
Gilead · 03/12/2019 23:38

As the parent of three ( now adult) autistic people I’m sorry this has happened to you both. May I suggest that you let him talk it out. It’ll take about three weeks but it does stop. Mine all said this was better than the ‘ it happens’ or ‘ learn to live with it’ and ‘ move on’ stuff that school would do. They all say they felt safer knowing they could ask at any time and that I wasn’t going to shut them down after a couple of days. 💐

Neome · 03/12/2019 23:50

I really feel for you, how incredibly upsetting. My almost 6yo also has adhd (& awaiting Autism assessment, his dad has it). I think you're doing the right thing. Only you can decide if you have the energy to pursue this in any way.

Would a local Councillor take up the disability aspect - failing to give support to vulnerable person with a protected characteristic when asked for help, failing to ensure safety of disabled customer etc

Where I live there's a very good support organisation and I'd be asking them for help dealing with something like this. Have you got anything similar?

You have been assaulted, your disabled child has been affected. It's not nothing.

Strength and virtual hugs to you.

DancingPyjamas · 04/12/2019 00:34

What a horrible situation for you. There are some really nasty people around.
I hope you and your son are feeling more settled now. 💐

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 04/12/2019 00:48

That sounds like a terrifying situation, and you handled it really well.

I would contact the swimming lesson provider and explain you fears regarding returning to that particular pool. You really should be refunded or she should be asked to stay away from the pool.

She sounds like an utter disgrace of a mother and a human being.

FrogFairy · 04/12/2019 01:37

You should not have to stop attending, they should be permanently banned from the building. They will know who they are from the details of the child attending lessons.

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