I feel so hurt maybe I need to get persoective

[Hadtonamechangeforthis123]

I’m a SAHM to a baby, a 3 year old and a 4 year old. I’ve always worked full time but the cost of childcare means I’ve taken a career break.

I work really hard to provide a happy home and try hard to do fun stuff every week. Today we went to the park and soft play for a couple of hours, tomorrow we’re going to forest school. Next week there’s a day planned at a kiddie farm, a trip to a lovely garden centre to see all the Christmas stuff, forest school and no doubt they’ll be the park and soft play.

Being home with three small children is hard, it’s a constant merry go round of tidying up, snacks, meals, tidying up but I do get on the floor everyday and play, I do plan ahead with days out, I buy arts and crafts stuff and sit and do it with my 3 and 4 year old. BUT my 4 year old has for the second time this week told me I don’t play with her because I’m always washing up and tidying up . She said she knows I work hard but I never have time to play with her. I could cry. I run round soft play with them, whilst other mums chat to friends. I bounce on the trampoline whilst all the other mums are drinking their coffee but it’s never enough.

It’s really upset me. I’m being ridiculous aren’t I?

Oh you poor poor thing
It is soo hard to please children
You sound brilliant and you do more then me

Oh bless you. Merry go round is such an apt phrase.

YANBU to feel crappy, I would too. But dont take it to heart, 4 year olds are very good at basing an evaluation on the past 4 to 5 minutes. Just carry on as you are, it sounds like you are doing brilliantly. Dont constantly guilt yourself. If you want a coffee while they are on the trampoline- go for it.

Playing at soft play would probably be as much fun with other children whereas at home she would notice/appreciate your time more. Or she could be one of those personalities that wants you every waking moment...

Be kind to yourself you do loads with your DC! Perhaps say to her "You wish I could play with you all the time that would be such fun!"

Read "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" it may help you handle how you feel about her comments differently. It could be a way of her resenting the work the baby has created?

None of those are bad things she just needs to work through her emotions both the ones that we perceive as good as well as bad.

You're doing fine. I had same problem. See if she'd like to come round and chat to you/do something alongside sometimes when you're doing housework (so boring, so necessary)? And when you're finished you can have a game of whatever/make whatever. But you can't be with them every second and even if you could you need little breaks. She's saying this but it doesn't mean she won't look back at her pre school time in the future and think you weren't there

Thank you everyone. I sat and had a cry yesterday. I think the reason it has upset me so much is because i feel like I give them my all, but maybe that's my mistake. I have no time for myself, I spend all my time either looking after them, trying (failing!) to keep on top of home stuff or trying to keep them occupied and having fun.

Random I'm going to order the audio book, havem't got time to read it :) but you're the second person to recommend it to me.

Get her a cleaning trolley for Xmas. Joint chores with special snack /hot chocolate once they are done - maybe when the others have a nap.

Remind your four year old of the times you do play. They are notoriously forgetful.

Kids at school have told parents they have no one to play with, on further investigation that have just forgotten.

You need to take care of yourself otherwise you'll burnout, be kind to yourself

It sounds a bit like you actually do a bit too much to me... make sure they will all play on their own/with each other every day too. Kids special skills are spotting your weaknesses and homing in one them, by their nature they need adult attention for survival so don’t see it as a real and genuine problem that she’s commenting on it- she’ll have spotted your guilt surrounding it.

Try and gain some more confidence in your parenting, and yourself- you need breaks too and the children will be all the better for independent play time and more confident parenting. :-)