I used to see MN as a supportive community. Now I think there's a lot of posters who gave joined just to kick others who are down.

[ssd]

I don't know how they manage it, but they seem to seek out posts where someone is clearly needing support and a handhold, and these posters go 'Yasss!! I can put the boot in right here!!!' and they swiftly do.

I imagine them as sad lonely gits with no pals or anyone who likes them and they take out their frustrations on mn by making someone who feels bad already, feel a whole lot worse. Then they're all chuffed with themselves for doing so.

I wonder if it's cos this site is so big now, they can hide and pop up when it suits them? There was always arsehole posters here, but lately I've noticed a lot more. It's like when I read a thread title asking for help I know the first few posts will be snippy put downs straight away.

There’s still lots of good support. But the bigger a group of people gets the more instances there will be of bullying, twattish behaviour. Sadly that’s how life is.

I agree. Someone literally asks for a handhold and is kicked down even further.

I do generally like the honest approach that most of MN has to posts, but some people are just plain mean how they go about it.

Doesn't it depend on the board? AIBU is naturally set up for a reasonable / unreasonable argument, whereas what I normally see on Relationships are responses that take people's problems seriously.

YANBU. I posted about helping a friend with MH issues and basically got told to cut them loose for their own good (even though I'd said I didn't want to). No wonder MH services are so overstretched when people think they shouldn't offer support to a friend

Yes. Modern day MNers aren't often mums in need of support and willing to give support in return as it used to be. It's now just a collection of randoms with various motives. The name is very misleading.

I've noticed this today too op.

It's a race to be the most unpleasant sometimes. Thankfully still some genuinely good support too.

I meant to say it's to the detriment of the site as a whole because the knock on effect is that fewer genuine posters ask about genuine problems because they get such a kicking when they do (and this in turn opens up the boards to more trolls and mischief makers). It's like no one can admit to having frailties or parenting failures any more. We all have to be perfect.

I agree.
It used to be a place where you could freely post your thoughts, questions, ideas.like chatting in a small group.People were sympathetic , empathic and even if didn’t agree were polite.Now you have to type things properly, can’t put “ hug” if you think it, almost have to read and tweak your whole posts to make sure your not called pushy, controlling or whatever the current mn dig is.
Also have to take heart in hands when posting in the hope you don’t get flamed for trying to listen/advise/help

MN has always been good for "tough love" and some direct truths rather than too much back patting. It never was the cuddliest of forums, and AIBU has always been a high risk zone for anyone vulnerable.
There have been trolls, and people who are just spiteful with it. MN is usually good at challenging it. I think there has been a change of tone over time and recent months in particular. There are phases when external influences cause a gear change, and sometimes they settle down and sometimes there is a lingering shift.

Frequent name changing makes it harder to feel a community of supportive regular posters and filter the jack-booted posters on sight that will inevitably regurgitate some harsh shit on principle.

Sometimes I think it could be bad for general mental health if it was taken to heart. Often I have come away feeling low and sorry for people being treated this way when they were in need of support and kindness. Sadly some people seem to have no empathy and seem to see everything as something they would do better / perfectly. In particular there are some things which are seen as not acceptable such as debt and if anything is about that (or other such non acceptable themes) the poster will just get slated

Well I haven’t changed my name and no plans to. My family know who I am on here as well.
If the day comes I need to change my name then I’ll leave.
I have to agree op...there’s tough louth, there’s sympathy and empathy...but I can’t stand sheer nastiness.

And will say so if need be.

Tough love

Tough love...or simply just tough. But then maybe I am just the sad lonely person with no friends.
MN is a place that makes you question the sanity of the human race - or at least the represented female contingent - so I'm not at all surprised that there's a general lack of patience.

This topic seems to come up regularly. I think it depends on the time of day you post, where you post it, your wording, and the first few answers as they seem to set the tone. One person's putting the boot in is another persons neutrally worded alternative interpretation of any given situation. Equally some people seem to take any difference of opinion as a personal attack which it isnt. I think it's the same as it's been since I've been here, and that must be 9 years or so now.

I've been on here for years and agree. I even went all the way to London for a meet up years ago from the north east. Wouldn't dream of it now.

It is not just things like a different opinion or 'neutral' take though, it is basically shaming people for not being 'perfect' a lot of the time..

I wonder how much of that comes from having experienced that themselves though, for example in upbringing.

For years women have huddle in the school playground bad mouthing or ' gossiping' about other mother and MN is just a bigger platform of that.
Lots of advice is dangerous or just how the poster does things without explaining how that choice affected their life's.
it can be very helpful but also if you don't like or agree with the advice you are called names.

There are times that posts get a mauling for no reason or for very petty reasons. Does it matter that a post has a typo / spelling mistake or a minor grammatical error when the person is asking advice on their marriage falling down or a poorly child is in hospital.
Often the piling in is because the respondent has mis-read the original post and others follow blindly.
If I think that I can't say anything constructive i move away from the thread. That is not to say I agree with every poster - it is possible to offer an alternative view without tearing the original poster apart.
And we have all seen the times where posters have taken offence to a mild reply.

On the whole you aren't a bad bunch - we don't have agree with everything & would do things differently in some cases. We are individuals with agency and therefore should create mutual respect by assuming that not every poster is an identikit you.

I think it’s a great platform to hear everyone’s ideas/advice, but there are some very harsh posters out there.
It doesn’t have to be back patting but like op has said if it’s not constructive or helpful don’t write it.
The outright criticism gets me, even if it’s blindingly obvious that the person may have contributed to their problem, some folk love to put the boot in.
On the whole everyone is ok

I completely agree with you OP

That's just Boris having a dig at any single mums whether he can

I've never name changed here either. And I've posted some stuff that has annoyed others and some snippy posts, when the kids were young and I wasn't getting much sleep. But I always apologised when I was pulled up. But I've never posted just to be mean, just to put the boot into someone who is more down than me. That happens a bit too regularly here now. That's what dismays me. I love MN, been here a long time. And had some bloody wonderful support. But people are joining now simply to put others down, and it's a real shame.

I think there is a significant minority who appear to revel in being obtuse. They seem to live in a vacuum and have little understanding - to show little attempt to understand- actual lived life.

I do think it's a pity. And I do think m that people forget that they arent just words on screen, they are people.

Just seen another in on the first thread I've opened today, someone posted a nice pasta sauce recipe and the first answer replied that it wasn't that good, in a snotty manner.
How do these people suss out new posts so quick??