Is someone’s asking you questions about something negative, you don’t wanna talk about, what do you say to close them down ?

[Lardlizard]

I find oh I’m not wasting my time thinking about that
Works well

On a similar note, what about when people can be negative and make comments on something you do in a negative way? I find myself then trying to explain / justify and want to stop doing this.

For example some relatives can be negativve about me walking the school run for some reason. Keep going on about the walk, I then say well walking is good for you. But getting a bit fed up with doing this. Or about where we live / what I do / whether I work or not, etc.

@FrustratedTeddyLamp I would say “oh this and that” not committedly.

noncommittally*

Ask them 'why are you asking me ?' they wont like it that you turned it back on them .. then watch them with there squirming response . If they continue just keep asking them Why ? they soon get the message.

Also can try saying
What did you say
In a suprised way

See if they repeat might do tentivley
Then say why do you want to know ?

Orange blossom that’s a good question
Worth starting a thread for I’d say !
Do you think these people are mainly coming to try n bring you down and being negatives on purpose ?

its hard to think what to say or how to react when taken by surprise.
and then I berate myself for not having dealt with it better at the time.
I still feel upset/ annoyed at myself by a conversation that I felt was imposed on me some years ago.

I'd gone to a memorial service in town. polite talk afterwards with strangers, one of whom was a medic, and connected to the church.
she was of oriental origin and was relating a play/film she had recently come across, with relish. she said it was an English story and she found it fascinating. I realised it was of Sweeney todd. she went on and on, seemingly approvingly at the cleverness of using every part to commercial advantage, describing things in disgusting detail. we were standing outside the church, and I wanted her to stop putting these disgusting things in my mind. but I was confused by her being a highly=educated, high status, churchy person, whom I'd just met; and the default setting of being polite.
I tried to turn the subject away, but she kept coming back to it, with a repugnant relish. I think I said well I'd rather not think about that. should have just walked off I guess. but I was actually feeling a bit down, lost, lonely, remembering other personal losses after the service, and there's an urge to reach out, to try to live. sorry. off track.

My DF never listens if I want a conversation to stop. It's usually if we're talking politics, can't ever see someone's point of view, he's very passionate about it but jesus. I tell him now I want him to stop and I'm not interested.

If it's someone else, I just let another or someone like DH take over the conversation and occupy myself with baby.

I'm thinking of getting prepared for the Christmas period with relatives like this

Not sure if they are trying to bring me down. or just negative in general.

I saw this guide online with this 'grey rock' or 'medium chill' thing you can do maybe that would help

I will cut and paste the ideas

Examples:

When asked an intrusive question:

I don't know. I'll have to get back to you.
We'll see.
That's a really good question, why do you ask?
Let me think about that.
It doesn't concern you.
My decision is made.
This is not a discussion
It's simply my preference.
It's none of your business.
It's already handled, taken care of.
The topic is closed
I said no and do not bring this up again
Sometimes it can be useful to simply not answer a question and let the question just hang there, pause, then change the conversation:

So anyway, how about the weather?
When attempting to draw you into drama or chaos:

It's none of my business.
I can't be there, it doesn't work for me.
I'd love to but no.
I'm sorry you feel that way.
I don't know what to tell you.
I don't know what to say.
That's a shame.
Now you're just being silly (when they accuse you of something).
You'll have to speak to so and so about that (when complaining about so and so).
You may need to speak to your doctor / lawyer / electrician about that.
This is not my problem. If you want to make it my problem I will find a solution to this that suits me and there is every chance that it will not suit you. If you want a solution that suits you, then you need to go work on that & leave me out of it.
You may need to get in touch with your inner 'tween for some of these:

That's too bad/That's nice. (You may be surprised how long you can keep a conversation going with those words).
Now's not the time to talk about that.
I can't do anything about that.
I want to hear how you're doing.
That's up to you.
I know you don't understand this.
I know you really want to talk about XYZ but now is not the time.
It looks like my being here is upsetting you, we'll get together another time.
If the drama ramps up in an attempt to get you involved:

Exit the conversation. say "Sorry I have to go now. Maybe we can continue later."
Leave the room and house if you can safely do so.
Any threats of suicide or harm tell them to call 911 or the suicide hotline.
Remember to convey everything in a dull, flat tone of voice, with a non-confrontational, matter-of-fact manner.

What It Feels Like

Medium Chill can be extremely liberating. You are in control of you, you are directing your life, you are in charge of you, you steer the conversation and you are protected. You are free to exercise your boundaries and communicate them effectively.

What NOT To Do:

Don't focus on mitigating the other person's anger.
Don't worry about how your actions appear.
Don't try to solve the other person's problems or try to fix anything
What To Do:

Maintain a flat, calm and unemotional tone.
Choose to emotionally and mentally disengage.
Become uninteresting and boring.
Learn to say NO

Those were more about difficult / angry / volatile people but still might be useful. So basically not engaging and turing it back to them sometimes

Orange blossom some great ideas there👏👏

Thanks! I read they key is not letting them offload negativity / anger onto you, by not reacting they can't do that...so they tend to stop? I am going to try it over Christmas with any such relatives. And avoiding / walking away as well.