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How to respond to this email? Been dropped from project

24 replies

FraxinusExcelsior · 02/12/2019 14:38

I've worked on project A since it began in 2012. I'm freelance. It means approx 3 months work for me every 2 years so it's a significant but not overwhelming part of my income. It's something that is good for my CV but also I really like the team there and we have developed something really good.

I work with/alongside but not really for another person (I'll call her X) to facilitate the work. She's kind of my line manager but she's also freelance. I worked with her on another, larger project (Project B) for the past 2 years as well. It was a good career move for me and a bigger earner.

X wanted me to work on Project B and got me the job, but she turned out to be very difficult to work with. She used me as a buffer between her and people that she couldn't deal with politely. She was very opinionated about my life although she thinks she's doing this as a friend - she is so confident about her opinions that she thinks they are welcome and she's quite overwhelming.
She is part of my social circle (not by choice, I live and work in a small world) so this adds to my dilemma.

She organised the budget for project B and allocated herself three times what she did for me for our subsistence expenses (which were not that different). I ended up self funding to be able to travel to do the work.

Last year I suffered from a mental health crisis while we were doing Project B and I distanced myself from X because I needed to isolate myself within the intense environment that is typical of my work. Part of my struggle was working with her, and the budget situation.
I finished the project with great difficulty but to a very good standard. I had addressed the unequal budget allocation to our higher line manager but it was never properly dealt with.

X emailed me in the late summer to say that she was really disappointed that I hadn't told her about my mental health problems and also that I hadn't told her that I'd managed a particular project (C) she had just heard about, and that it was only due to her that I had the contacts there to be able to get the work. PLOT TWIST: I was nothing to do with Project C, one of my friends did it but it was on their own merit and I wasn't involved at all.

I explained this to X but didn't get an apology or even an acknowledgement of her mistake. She said we should meet up for a coffee and a chat to talk about work next year, I agreed but we then were both too busy for it to happen.

This year I worked on other projects and was expecting to return to Project A in early 2020, where the workplace is less intense as we are both part of a bigger team. I was looking forward to it and had told X so.

Last week X emailed me to tell me that she had replaced me on Project A. I didn't even think it was her prerogative to do so but there you go, the freelance world is like that. Her reasons for doing so were faintly ridiculous and it's clearly because she doesn't feel like working with me - I have withstood her bullying and and not opened up my life to her. I'm sure she doesn't see it like this but I am really upset at being kicked off the project.

However I'm glad to be free of her. Other work will come. I'm sad to lose my team on Project A and I don't know how she managed to get this past them but I have to let it go now.

I just need to respond to her final email saying she's replaced me.

Can I say that I'm shocked and upset? I've been deliberating this for a week and this is my overwhelming feeling. I wanted to be bright and breezy but it's not how I'm feeling at all.
It's just not worth going into the minutiae of how she thinks she can do this. I will carry on bumping into her and she could further affect my work prospects if I try to argue about her action.

OP posts:
Itsallaswizz · 02/12/2019 14:44

Tell her you're so pleased she feels she can manage without you as you've recently been headhunted for another role and you were wondering how to let her down gently. Let her know you'll happily proxide her with a reference in future should she need one Wink

LazyDaisey · 02/12/2019 14:45

I would send a warm but professional message to the entire team (her included) about how much you enjoyed working with them and wishing them best of luck in the new year. For your response to her, tell her thank you very much for giving you notice - that you appreciate the gesture. She was under no obligation to warn you that the company wasn’t hiring you. I’m more surprised you were just expecting them to and wasn’t chasing up with whoever hired you in the past before now.

LumpyPillow · 02/12/2019 14:45

Don't reply. Don't even waste your time. Feel the hurt, and say all you need to say with silence. Fuck being bright and breezy, fuck being 'professional'.
Channel your email/ computer time you'd use trying to compose a message back, instead into looking into new job prospects, email a few companies, look on a few jobs pages, then forget it as best you can.

MrsMaiselsMuff · 02/12/2019 14:45

Don't burn bridges.

"Thank you for letting me know. Best wishes..."

Itsallaswizz · 02/12/2019 14:45
  • provide, obviously...not peroxide!
Simkin · 02/12/2019 14:48

Yes I wouldn't respond with anything except polite thanks. The sad fact of freelance is, she might prove useful to you in future.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 02/12/2019 14:49

No, don't say you're shocked and upset.

I'd go with calm and neutral:

Thanks for letting me know, I appreciate the advance notice, although I am of course disappointed to not be following the project through into its next phase. No doubt our paths will cross again in the not-too-distant future.
Best wishes,
Frax

wowfudge · 02/12/2019 14:54

I think she's expecting to get some sort of rise out of you or maybe that you'll ask her to reconsider. Then if she changes her mind, you will "owe" her something. The best way to deal with this is to thank her for letting you know and wish her and the project well.

KatherineJaneway · 02/12/2019 14:55

DisplayPurposesOnly has it, never burn bridges.

PotteryWheel · 02/12/2019 14:56

I think you need to think hard-headedly about the outcome you want from your communication. I think women in general do far too much covering their feelings and doing 'bright and breezy', so I would have no compunction about making my feelings clear to her -- but does that have serious repercussions for future work via negative word of mouth?

Does she imagine that you were friends and this is the flounce of the disappointed friend, rather than co-worker who wants to work with someone else in future?

I have to say I'd also be curious about why, if she's not the person you report to on the project, she has the right to replace you?

Jesuisclaude · 02/12/2019 15:01

I know it will feel gutting, but lazydaisey has it. But make sure you do the nice one to the whole team in case she’s told people you weren’t available.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 02/12/2019 15:02

if she's not the person you report to on the project, she has the right to replace you?

I forgot this bit! Write a separate email to that person...

Heard from Cowbag that you're not returning to the project next year. Just wanted to say how much you've gained from it, working with the team [throw in some specifics]. Wish you all the best with this next phase of the project and I hope to work with you again in the future.

DowntonCrabby · 02/12/2019 15:09

Forward her email to the team with a professional, warm, friendly message wishing everyone all the best.

She’s a back-stabbing dick, I imagine she’s threatened by you. I hope you have enough work in future to politely turn down any of the tidbits of work she might throw your way.

CommunistLegoBloc · 02/12/2019 15:13

You absolutely can't say you're shocked and upset. Flowers You have to be professional. If it helps, write your feelings in a draft (do NOT put an address in the bar!) and then delete it. Send a polite, courteous note. You say yourself it's a small business world - don't get a reputation as someone who kicks off and gets emotional about decisions. I'm not saying that would be fair, but it's what would happen.

SaskiaRembrandt · 02/12/2019 15:24

I agree with with PP, as tempting as it is to tell her how you feel, as a freelancer you can't afford to burn bridges. Be professional and neutral, just thank her for letting you know and leave it at that.

This kind of thing is one of the reasons I stopped freelancing.

OrangeTwirlGate · 02/12/2019 15:31

I agree don’t say shocked and upset Becuase even though I don’t know her I imagine this is what she will want to hear.

Short and sweet is perfect. “Ok thanks for letting me know, best wishes”

filka · 02/12/2019 15:57

Agree with @DisplayPurposesOnly

  • don't burn bridges
  • nice message to Ms X, thanks for the heads up, see you around
  • Nice message to the team, great to have worked with you all, hope to be able to work with you again in the future
  • Nice message to whoever is really hiring, sorry to be leaving before the end, great to have worked on your project, valued experience, excellent team blah blah
GrimDamnFanjo · 02/12/2019 16:19

Your best revenge is as others said to be jolly and positive and use the opportunity to connect once more with the wider team.
Make sure you mention what you shone on and what a fab project it is.
They may be being told a different story by Cowbag...

AnuvvaMuvva · 02/12/2019 16:40

If you put her late-summer email and this one together, does it sound like she's dropped you from the project because you had mental health issues? Because you could probably take that further, if you wanted to. Or at least make her worry that you might.

I had a job last year that gave me panic attacks and stress. I can understand why you're now worrying what to reply to her; it's because she puts you on edge, makes you panic, and makes you overthink anything/everything.

Long-term, you'll be grateful this woman is out of your life. Greater things are waiting for you, without self-funding to work with psychos.

PotteryWheel · 02/12/2019 17:30

While I agree entirely that the tone to take with the wider team is upbeat, appreciative and genuine, and absolutely saying that you are sorry not to be working on this project with them this year and hope to work with them again in future, I don't think there's any harm whatsoever in registering your surprise in a cool, professional manner with X. 'I was surprised to receive your mail, particularly given the [brief summary of the high-quality work you've done on the previous projects].' Nothing gained from looking like a pushover in my experience.

Longfacenow · 02/12/2019 17:34

I agree with PP. I don't think you should engage in a discussion with her, and keep it light and cordial.

As you are glad to be free of her, why risk it by sending an email to the hiring manager e pressing your disappointment?

FraxinusExcelsior · 02/12/2019 17:34

@DowntonCrabby yes this exactly: She’s a back-stabbing dick, I imagine she’s threatened by you. I hope you have enough work in future to politely turn down any of the tidbits of work she might throw your way.

I think she is threatened by me, I stood up to her bullying. Our relationship on the projects went well as long as she felt I was her junior - when I went into MH crisis I was just saying no to anything outside my direct responsibility and she was taken aback. It probably came over as insubordination, but it was self-preservation to prevent me totally losing it when working right next to her (I was leaving the office at 3hr intervals to break down but she didn't know this).

OP posts:
FraxinusExcelsior · 02/12/2019 17:38

You have all given me such good and supportive responses, thank you.
I just needed a little steering because as @AnuvvaMuvva says, she triggers all the insecure feelings in me and it's hard not to feel dragged back to those bad times. I'm still working on it.

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 02/12/2019 18:07

You thank her for letting you know.
And wish her a Happy Christmas.

You email the person you thought was incharge of project, just say you have just been told you are not on the project for 2020, and hope to work with them again in the coming years.
Happy Christmas x

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