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Am I being Unreasonable

5 replies

sadmum52 · 02/12/2019 11:45

I raised my son alone as a single mum. it was hard and many
sacrifices were made but it was worth the struggle to see him grow up and be a hard working man. he is now 26. I moved to Scotland for work and he travelled the world with his career. Recently the pull of home has made me start again and move closer . he has a girlfriend and they live together 300 miles away from where i am and her family are. All good so far. a month ago he called asking if i could loan him 1300 pounds as he wanted to get rid of his car he wasn't using . I said no problem and i would go with him to sort it out. He said he would be home this weekend gone to sort it, he said that his girlfriend and her family were going to Chatsworth House to see the Christmas market if I wanted to go. I said i would love to but priority had to be to sort out his car and as long as it didn't clash with that I would love to go. The message was very clear. Spin onto this weekend he then rang me Friday in a panic cause his wages had got mixed up and they had underpaid him £400. I said dont worry i would loan it to him till the new year,not to worry about presents for the family just make sure he got his girlfriend a nice one. I didnt hear from him till 5pm on Saturday night asking me to pick him up so he could see my new house and also see his nan before she went on holiday. he got in the car and said he had a present for me . it was shortbread from Chatsworth. I said his girlfriend didnt have to do that which he replied she didnt I did. I was shocked that they had all gone without me. her mum, sisters and him. i couldn't speak to him. when we got to my mums she did say something . she said "well I thought your mum was going? " his reply was "Well yes but she was busy". I said "Doing your car but you never came or answered my messages " he then just swept it under the carpet. My husband said to say something so i sent a message today telling him why i was upset. I also asked the question buzzing around my head which is are you ashamed and embarrassed of me in any way and if so please just say . He has read it but hasn't replied Her family own a large house, privately educated and very well off. I just want to be included and thought of. I dont push myself forward or interfere and always think of them both . Even at 26 and 24 i bought them bough advent calendar (as a joke) and am taking her to see The king and I for Christmas. Am i being unreasonable ?

OP posts:
HebeMumsnet · 06/12/2019 12:29

Hi OP. We're just bumping your thread for you. Would you like us to give it a more specific title and move it over to our AIBU topic? You might get a bit more passing traffic that way. Just hit the report button and let us know if you'd like us to do that.

AnniePankettonne · 06/12/2019 12:37

Hi !
I do not really know what to say to you .

Maybe he is at work .
Maybe he is thinking about what to say .

Sorry you are not feeling good. It is not nice being left out .

Winterdaysarehere · 06/12/2019 12:44

Yabu to not start putting your 'wants' first op.
He is taking you for a mug.
Get the cash owed back and treat yourself. In your shoes a lovely ddog who will appreciate your kindness...

antisupermum · 06/12/2019 12:49

I don't think he would have offered in the first place is he was embarrassed by you. It sounds like a miscommunication to me and that he was thinking of you whist he was there; as evidenced by getting you a gift.

I would have words with him that you would have appreciated if he had clarified whether you could attend as opposed to assuming things, and that you were hurt he didn't do so. I would also be querying when you will be getting repaid for your (expensive) loans.
For me, that's enough. I don't think he has done anything too bad that warrants a falling out or dredging up.

AnniePankettonne · 07/12/2019 13:26

Has he been in touch @sadmum52 ?

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