Kids activities when you have split from your partner, what happens?

[chickenfriedtwice]

I recently split from my husband, and it's hard. Everything is so confusing but the most important thing to me is how it impacts my DC.

What happens if they take on an activity that they're extremely good at/compete at? How can they do it if a plan is in place that your ex has them every weekend?

I know it seems such a silly thing to worry about amongst all of this but it plays on my mind and I just wanted to personal experience of this.

Part of me considering getting back with him is largely just DC, and how it'll impact their life and opportunities

If it's my ex's weekend with DS, he takes him to activities. If it's mine, I take him. Easy peasy.

We're not rigid either with contact time, there's no "I MUST have him this weekend with no compromise" and all of that. We do what is in DS's best interests. If there's something going on near my house that DS really wants to go to, we just arrange for him to go to his dad's another time.

Isn’t every other weekend the solution to this? And then a night or whatever in the week. I can’t speak from my experience as my ex is absent through choice but that seems to be the done thing

Sorry should've added to my OP, the situation is the other half lives miles away (nowhere nearby) so just popping over one night etc wouldn't work

Change your contact arrangement so Ex has them EOW and on a weekday on the in between week. Then you will each "lose" some time during your weekend with the kids.

How old are the children and do they want to take part in the competitions or would they rather go to their dads? If they're teens you might need to ask their opinions too.

DC has just turned two so the situation is purely hypothetical.

I'm in bits, I just don't know where to turn to. What to do. So far it seems he's saying he will pick DC every Friday and drop him off on a Sunday. How can I spend each week, for more than a day, without my DC? My heart is breaking at the thought of him being taken away, even for those days

I want to scream

Don't agree to every weekend. Every other weekend is standard for a reason. Whether or not you're working at the moment, at some point your child's week will look like Mon - Fri: get up, get ready, go to nursery or school, hurry home, prepare dinner...
Sat - Sun : relaxed, fun weekends
Your proposal can lead to it feeling like mum is doing the drudgery all week, with no time for full days out etc while Disney dad gets to do whatever they want at the weekend. Your child should get weekends with both of you, rather than growing up thinking "mum never took me to x, y, z, that was always dad."

I'm sorry you're in this situation. If the dad left, it's up to him to make it work. You don't need to rearrange things because he chooses to live far away. And if you feel like your child needs to see you every day at this young age, that's pretty normal. Maybe your ex is used to you capitulating. Now is a good time to make your own changes. Have you had legal advice?

Well still stick with eow as it’s not fair that you get all the hectic weekly stuff and he gets the fun times on the weekend.

Activities come first. It's not fair on your DS missing out just because he's with his dad.

Nah, don't let him do every weekend. Every other weekend is standard.

I didn't realise every other weekend was standard. Can I ask how that would be fair if I've been with him all week? I work part time.

So I suppose in other words, is it fair for my DC to be with me all week and every other weekend when I'm not working all week and ex husband is?

But the thing is, I work where ex husband lives. I'm having to move back to my own hometown now so no idea what I'll do work wise. I never dreamed I'd be in this situation so no idea what happens with regards to my job

the start is both parents should have half the fun time ie half the weekends and half the holidays and sometimes half the rest of the time; your child will be in nursery maybe 5 days a week within a year
if ex has moved too far to do nursery school runs then care can't be shared 50/50 if it goes to court they will consider what is in best interest of the child which is meaningful contact with both parents

as your child does not do activities on the weekend as yet, it would be best as you are a distant apart not to organise anything on other parents time if your ex only has him EOW it is not fair to expect him to lose part of this for an activity you have arranged but you are over thinking trying to see so far ahead

How can I spend each week, for more than a day, without my DC? My heart is breaking at the thought of him being taken away, even for those days

Yet you are expecting him to go for so much longer with seeing his child or doesn’t that count as it’s not you?

Given there are no activities yet, you can agree in the future a plan if your child asks to join a club. Many run on weeknights so it may not be an issue.

If you are the one moving, the court will expect you to facilitate contact and you’ll likely have to do pickup and drop offs. He could request mid week contact to or even 50/50.

IceCream Yes because I'm the one breastfeeding and taking care of him for the majority of the time. Even with both of us home, I'm the one to get him to sleep (usually), and I'm always the one doing nappy changes, calming him down etc.

I think you need to think long and hard before moving. If you want your DS to have meaningful contact with both parents you need to stay within reasonable distance of each other so that the commute is minimal and DS can keep the routine of activities at the weekend as well as parties, sleepover etc with friends. I saw that he is very young at the moment but the years go by really quickly.

If you are the one moving away, the onus is on you to do the traveling to facilitate contact with your Ex, which will get old very quickly!

Boob it's really difficult because I'm a young mum with zero family support in this area So if I stay here I have no one but myself and DC

I appreciate that chickenfriedtwice, I am also on my own in a different country, but at the end of the day it is what it is and to put it very bluntly you need to live close to and make joint decisions with your Ex for the next 16 years if you want your DS to have meaningful contact. If your Ex wants to parent, I think that is a sacrifice you will both have to make.

I wouldn't worry about hypothetical activities right now. It sounds like you have a lot of other things to consider and as you said, child is only 2 and not actually doing these activities yet. IME activities when they are little tend to all be on the same day (eg. Swim lesson every Monday, football every Saturday) and so you would just do what works. When they are older and doing something at a higher level/ competitively it can get more complicated but usually you just share the commitments between you.