Worried about a friend *trigger warning*

[IHateBlueLights]

20 years ago a close friend of mine killed himself. He had been depressed and having counselling for some months. He was also on medication. He suddenly seemed to "snap out of it" and was happier than he'd been for a long time - going out, enjoying work, seeing family. Then he killed himself.

A mutual friend (who works in mental health) said it wasn't unusual that once someone has made up their mind what to do and how to do it they have a "honeymoon period" where they seem fine, better, more relaxed. But that's only because of what they are going to do.

I have been supporting a friend for a few months who has a lot of problems. She's been part of our circle for years and has a lot of friends. We've all been very concerned.

For the last week she seems to be a lot better, joining in more, talking about Christmas plans. This evening it's dawned on me that I've seen this sudden switch before. I'm very afraid of what she may do.

Has anyone else ever been in this position? Did anything you said help?

It took me a long time to come to terms with my first friend's death but it was so carefully planned and executed that I know it was what he wanted. And that I had to accept it was his choice.

But I don't want it to happen again.

I haven't been in this position. However what you say does ring true from what I've heard. However, it could also mean she is simply feeling better!
In your shoes, I would reach out to her other friends, get some other perspectives, and if you're able to ask if she's feeling suicidal then ask.
I do think ultimately you are not responsible for her life. You can only do so much.

Thanks for taking the time to reply.

I think you're right about talking to one or two others to see what they think. My past experience may be colouring my perception.

Yes, it is quite common for people to seem to get better once they've made the decision to end it all. A friend of mine killed herself, I wasn't in the country at the time so hadn't seen her for a few months. However, from speaking to a mutual friend she went into a deep depression, got help but when she seemed to be turning a corner she ended it all.

As a PP said, if she's absolutely decided to do it there is probably nothing you can do. But do just carry on being a good friend and keeping in touch.

Ask her. Explain your reasons like you have to us, and ask her directly if her situation is the same as your friend’s.
Open, direct conversations like this are the only thing shown to reduce suicide risk.
I’ve been suicidal and wouldn’t have been offended if I’d been asked directly, in fact I’d have been relieved to be given permission to talk openly without shame.

Agree with pp it's ok to just ask.

Thank you. I will ask her when I see her next week. I may ask a couple of friends for an opinion before then. I hope I'm wrong.

As Howmanysleepsnow asked, you need to be open with your friend and ask her if she is having suicidal thoughts and any plans. It is really important to have these open conversations.

You sound like a really good friend💐💐

I’m not sure if the crisis team could help in this situation? I don’t know if the person has to contact them or if you can contact in their behalf.

I have also heard of the sudden upwards turn beforehand.

I agree with pp, ask but you may not get any truth.

Does she have other support that you know of? Speaking as someone who has 'been there' one of the hardest things to deal with is the concerned looks of loved ones when they think you are relapsing, but in your own mind you are actually doing ok, and you are just re-entering the human race in a slightly bumpy way. If you feel like the relationship is open to discussions like this then go directly to her and discuss it, don't talk to others about doing it, and whatever answer she gives you just try and accept it and allow her to heal in her own way. We can't save anyone else, it's an unfortunate truth.