What would you do in this situation?

[giftponderings]

A few details change, for anonymity.

A friend and I exchanged gifts for our sons, aged 4. Gifts were around £30 each.

I gave my present first, before the birthday, sealed in the package.

I received my sons gift 3 days later and one part of the parcel had been opened and parts of the present missing.
Without going into detail, the toy can still be played with, but it's an incomplete set, and the set would obviously be much more interactive with the complete set.

I initially assumed that the box had been tampered with in the shop and my friend picked up this defective box without realising. I didn't want to embarrass her and said thank you for the gift and that my son loved it.

However I went to her house today and I found the exact same missing pieces in her house, and her son playing with them.
I assumed that her son had been given the same set as a gift too, and looked a little closer only to discover that the only part of that set visible was the exact same missing pieces from my sons sets. In other words, my sons set and these pieces make the complete set-as far as I could see.

Am I wrong on being slightly upset and annoyed that it appears my son was given half of a present??

(Obviously I could be wrong and the rest of the set could have been in their house and I didn't notice it. )

YANBU

I wouldn't say anything but would mentally store it and spend less next time...

Maybe that's petty of me!

I would've said "you know the gift you gave my son, it was only half a set, have you got the reciept and I'll take it back and get a proper set please"

I'm confused as to why you haven't done that? It's really simple and not at all rude to say that to someone.

Well we have arranged christmas gifts too, I'm half thinking of only giving part of the present😱

Because it’s not up to the shop to replace a toy that was sold correctly but later opened!

@NotOnMyWatchSunshine

I did think of doing this but didn't want to embarrass her

I bet her son saw the set and said 'I want that! I want that!' and she's one of those parents who don't know how to say no to their kids. So she gave him some of it.

@GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat I get that but surely that would prompt your friend to say what she did? Wouldn't it? People are so weird. 😂

@GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat

Yes that's a very valid point.

I think I'm just gutted that she didn't value my son enough to actually give him a whole present. I really hope I've got the wrong end of the stick.

I would never do that to a child, luckily he is too young to notice part of it is missing. I'll just have to pay to replace the parts.

Do you think she knowingly gave you a part present? That doesn't seem likely unless she's a massive CF and doesn't care that you would see her DS playing with it.

Maybe the child did it and she doesn't even know, where's the harm in giving her the benefit of the doubt and asking for the receipt.

But surely she can't now admit it???

i wouldnt say anything but keep it stored in your memory

Her son has very similar sets and wouldn't actually know that this part was added in or not, they had very similar parts before hand. This part wasn't really needed in their sets, but needed in mine. I know I'm being vague but I don't want to say much further.

That's why I was stunned to see it added in today.

Her son isn't really the kind of child to demand things, I think she would have put the toys up high and out of sight so unlikely that he would have seen/demanded it.

Yes it's def in my memory. I won't forget this in a hurry

Without knowing what the toy is it's hard to judge what might have happened but I don't really understand your reluctance to mention it, obviously you don't accuse her but the normal thing to do would be say something.

What are you going to say if for example if there's an innocent explanation which she mentions in the future, are you going to admit you thought she'd done it on purpose?

Well we have arranged christmas gifts too, I'm half thinking of only giving part of the present

Buy the same set, keep the half your son doesn't have, give her DS the other half. Then they each have a full set.

@coconuttelegraph

She knows I'm on here and I think she is too, and would likely recognise this scenario. As I've said before she is a good friend and I don't want to embarrass her if indeed there is another explanation.

I think in future if it does come up in another explanation I'll say what I originally thought, that the box was opened in the store and she didn't realise.

@Andylion

That's actually hilarious, I would maybe consider doing it but I think the set is sold out (one of those toy sales that get sold out quickly) I haven't actually checked but the store is a bit away from me and would require a special trip especially to look for this toy. They were on sale a few weeks back so highly unlikely there's any left,

I don't want her to get upset and worried that she's upset me, so would prefer to just pretend it's not happened, and just sort it out myself.

I think the next time she comes round to mine, she will see my son playing with the whole complete set (that I've purchased myself) and if she has intentionally split the set, she will know I've had to replace part of it. Then maybe I'll be able to judge by her reaction to the "new" pieces whether she already knew they were missing or not.

She might have given it to her son to play with before packing up what she thought was all of it not realising a piece was missing *

*depending on what it was. It may or may not be obvious that it wasn’t all there.

You're turning this into a much bigger deal than it ought to be. You've bought the set again and will await her reaction to see if she did you over or not, bonkers!

If she's a good mate couldn't you have immediately said "thanks for the gift, son loves it. Unfortunately the action man (or whatever) was missing, is it possible your son has it or that you picked up a dodgy one in the shop?" I can't imagine a scenario where this wouldn't be the obvious solution.

I think the child probably got into the package without his DM noticing and pulled a few pieces out.

I was going to say that, but then when I saw the missing pieces today, I now feel like I can't say anything as it'll be awkward. She will then know that I know she split the gift.
And she will feel guilty/embarrassed.

If she had hidden the pieces today I would never have known and just assumed it was in the shop it happened.

And she can't now say "you know what, just take the pieces back" as then thats more of a second thought, like my son wasn't worth the full gift in the first place,

Argh, it's just awkward all round.

Ok, so the details I changed mean that there is zero chance that the child is at fault here.

I still don't understand why you didn't mention it immediately that you'd noticed the missing bit. Surely if she'd paid £30 for a dud she would want to know.

I think it'd be very daft to sour your friendship over this, which mostly stems foorm your inability to talk to your friend. Either ask her or let it go, I don't think that logging this in a mental note book will benefit you.

Without knowing what the thing is though it's tricky to fully understand.

@Woeisme99

PM sent

For example, is it like her buying him a tea set but keeping the tea pot?