please please help me with my DS's behaviour. I don't know what to do.

[peepobaby]

DS is 8. Great at school, behaves well, has friends etc. Everything fine there. However the last 18m or so his behaviour has gradually got worse particularly the last couple of months.

He becomes obsessive about something trivial and will literally push me to the edge with his incessant pestering. He doesnt stop till he's got what he wanted / his answer etc. I find it really stressful and I tell him I don't know/ not now etc but it's not good enough and then he starts assuming things. I do end up telling him off when it gets too much at which point he has pushed me too far. It always ends in tears with him being upset the rest of the evening.

I find the whole thing draining and it happens every single day.

I don't know if I've explained myself properly but it's not your usual sort of kids pestering. It's something else. It's really really intense.

I would consult a professional in case you need to intervene with proper strategies and therapy. For example there may be courses near you that are specifically to help kids with anxiety.

Has he been assessed for Autism? As well as anxiety, autism has obsessive thoughts as one of the traits. Speak to your GP about getting an assessment. You may have to fight to get one but it will be worth it is he is autistic so he can get support.

Around the age of seven children start to get a sense of the wider world and some feel like it’s quite a threatening place. Having a new baby in the house changes things, he might have been worried about you and not known how to deal with it. It’s hard to say unless he can express his feelings, which he might not understand.

The main thing is you can help him now you know.

WillyWasAWatchdog thank you that link was so useful. Reading it was like someone actually understood what I'm talking about.

I honestly don't think he has autism.

Can anyone recommend any resources/ books? I've ordered the book suggestion above.

Hi OP. First I want to say well done for reaching out. That's the sign of a good mum, not a shit one. We all have parental guilt and we all make mistakes. There's no manual after all!

As for triggers, did things change while you were having the baby? Maybe DS was left with other people or didn't know how to find you and DH? Just thinking that could be a reason to trigger it. The way you describe your ds sounds exactly like my friend. He would approach his mum and ask loads of questions, firing them off, just like you describe. She would, as other pp's say, stop what she's doing and answer him thoroughly however she would also point out the signs and say you're clearly anxious and this is a symptom. You can't just focus on it because there's a balance between offering reassurance and almost feeding the anxiety. However you and DS are in the early stages and you will find your way. Please don't be too hard on yourself. You're doing a wonderful thing just being there for your son.

Triggers could also be something easily missed at that age. If you ask around adults you know you will hear stories of when they were 7/8 and watched jaws so we’re afraid of water for months, or saw a minor car scrape and refused to go near roads for ages. Anxiety blows things out of proportion really quickly so concentrate on managing it now rather than cause

In relation to books “what to do when I worry too much” is really good. I would suggest going to the local library together, they usually have a decent collection of books on this in the kids section, if will help you feel like you are taking it seriously and tackling it together

Hi OP.
Echoing others, it does seem like anxiety.

Autism cannot be diagnosed on the basis of obsessional thought and some anxiety, it's a lot deeper and more complicated than that. As a recent training course stated, we can all act autistic when anxious. and we are becoming a state where any form of anxiety is deemed unacceptable, but as humans we need to build resilience to the anxiety and work through it.
I say this to reassure you but also to say that even if autism is not suspected, many strategies put in place for ASD children also work on neurotypical.

Is your child a visual learner? Will having it written down help him?
Can you look into other strategies to help. 'First this is happening, then this will happen.' A worry chart. A transitional object. A social story about how it's okay not to know etc. Drawing it out on paper and putting a cross next to the obsession (if that makes sense)

I'm not a professional in any way, I have just researched and looked into strategies to help my own child with their anxiety. Sometimes it can be a sensory thing that helps regulate the anxiety.

This describes my grandson to a T. He's been diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder and is now on medication for it. The meds have been life changing. FWIW, he also used to wash his hands multiple times a day (20 or more) but the real problem was the anxiety and being unable to "turn off his brain." Anyway, I'd take him to a psychiatrist (not a GP) and explain what's going on. They'll do a whole battery of tests, etc. before they give a diagnosis. Good luck, it's so hard dealing with this.

altogirl do you think he has OCD? He doesn't have any compulsive behaviours it's just the latching onto something and not letting go.. Sometimes he can get really upset about something he's seen on TV and it will be on his mind for a long time.

He doesn't have any compulsive behaviours it's just the latching onto something and not letting go.. Sometimes he can get really upset about something he's seen on TV and it will be on his mind for a long time.

Because of the way OCD is always portayed in the media people think a person with OCD always has compulsive or ritualistic behaviours, they don't. It's something called pure OCD, which is essentially intrusive and obsessive thoughts. Sometimes a person will fixate on a particular fear, as you put it latching onto something and not letting go. I don't have OCD but I do have Aspergers and there's a lot of crossover between OCD and the anxious and obsessive type of thinking often seen in people with Aspergers. That not letting go of things is something I'm very familiar with.

Autism cannot be diagnosed on the basis of obsessional thought and some anxiety, it's a lot deeper and more complicated than that. As a recent training course stated, we can all act autistic when anxious.

No-one is diagnosing autism on that basis, people are simply saying it shouldn't be ruled out. It's not uncommon for Aspergers to be picked up because of a child's anxiety issues. Though I'm really curious what course this is that's teaching people "we can all act autistic when anxious."
Really, how does that work then? How does a non-autistic person "act autistic?"

Hi OP. First I want to say well done for reaching out. That's the sign of a good mum, not a shit one

Just wanted to say I completely agree with this. Please don’t berate yourself.

I can't think of anything but you know, i.had a baby last year. Do you think this could be a trigger? But why would that be a trigger. He adores his baby sister.

The changes in dynamics that come with becoming a sibling can be massive. I’m still struggling with it (for numerous reasons) in my 40s. To go from being the focus of attention to a second thought (albeit for good reason) can make a child feel rejected. Did you talk to him about it at all?

That he was 7 (?) at the time may have impacted him more.

www.janetlansbury.com/2013/04/helping-kids-adjust-to-life-with-the-new-baby/

I can't say whether or not he has OCD, a mental health professional would have to assess him, but OCD is not always about compulsive behaviors. Many times it's intrusive thoughts that won't be silenced, hence the multiple questions about the same topic. My grandson did this ALL the time and it drove us all crazy! "Why is the sky blue? - tell him about atmosphere, etc. But how do you know for sure? Why isn't it green?" And on and on and on and on.... An hour later it would be something else. You think you'll go mad if he doesn't shut up. And that's a horrible way to feel about your grandson or son, but it's relentless. I do think it's worth it to have an assessment done by a professional, again, not a GP. It made such a difference in my grandson's life (and all of ours, LOL)!

Nobody gives you an instruction manual with children...it would be so much easier if they did! You kind of find your way through it as best you can; sometimes you realise things are not right immediately, often only after it’s been going on for a while. We’ve all done it if we’re honest, good mums are like you though, they try and sort it.

Sounds like anxiety to me; I would arrange a visit to the GP for advice and perhaps some CAHMS counselling.

School may be able to shed some light on anxieties there too.

Thanks everyone. If I visit the gp im scared they might fob me off. I read on here so much of people who have really serious issues with their kids and don't get seen.

Also where do you draw the line between anxiety and OCD. When does anxiety turn into OCD?