Where do we go from here?

[yesnomaybedunno]

I want to scream, I want to shout it from the rooftops, I want to let the world know about what we've just experienced and had to endure, but DH isn't quite so keen.

For the last three years, DH's ex wife has tried to put him in jail, financially ruin him as well as mentally and emotionally. How did she do it? By making up malicious false accusations of a sexual nature and coaching their DD (who was only 3yo at the start of this) to say things about daddy's willy, amongst many other things which I won't disclose here

50k later, and 3 years of lost memories with my wonderful DSD, there is a prohibited steps order again the mother, she had to write a sworn affidavit under oath to say that she made it all up and DH is not a predator 😢and has been told that if she makes one more false allegation, residency will change automatically. It got as far as a proof hearing, we are emotionally and mentally exhausted-but of course so glad it's FINALLY over, for now anyway.

But I can't quite shake off what has just happened. She made up the most disgusting allegations anyone could ever imagine and when they were investigated and it was found it could not have happened....she decided to try many other ways to stop contact such as allegations about force feeding and so on. We have lost count of how many allegations were made, sexual or otherwise. She even resorted to bringing my other DC's name into it which resulted in him having to endure a child protection investigation. Our lives have been on hold this whole time and could not get any enjoyment out of everyday life knowing that DSD was being manipulated by her mother on a daily basis and we would have to go months at a time without seeing her until all enquires were dealt with. It has been the most upsetting and gut wrenching situation to be in.

I feel I need to write a book about this whole experience, I feel it would be really cathartic to get all my feelings and experience on paper, and if it can help others experiencing similar then that is one positive we can take from this horrendous time. Or even just for the kids to read when they're older and make sense of it all.

Parental alienation has to be one of the worst things you can do to another human being, why is it not a crime? I feel the need to campaign for this to happen!

DH is a very quiet and reserved man, he would prefer just to put it away in a box and forget it ever happened, which I do understand, but something this huge will always stay with us, so I feel doing that would just be suppressing our thoughts and feelings on the matter?

Aahhhhhh! What do we do!?!?

You can write it, doesn't mean you ever have to publish it...

I've witnessed parental alienation and it's utterly horrific, the DC were much older but so brainwashed the social worker was in disbelief and this was 24 years ago!

I'm sorry for you OP.

I practiced family law for 15 years. There is one case which will haunt me till the day I die and it's exactly as you describe. I represented the father and at times I wondered how he survived. He did get residence in the end, but the child was very damaged by her mother.

I see no harm in you writing it out for your own sake at this time. I know it's often rolled out as a solution as well but counselling may also help you.

It's easy to say but try and get some time out. Could you all have a holiday or some time together to focus on each other and happier things?

I would write a journal/ repot for your own personal healing and put it in a box in the attic, and when you are healed burn it. Do not let the child ever see the full extent

I suffered 4 years of Hell with exh over dc. My dc and our dc.
His absolute venom lost him his case.
He told our dc I was a prostitute among other stuff.
Ten years later dc are nc..
With him.
His just desserts..
You will recover.
Maybe family therapy - we were never offered but should have been apparently..
I suffered from ptsd symptoms though Dr was reluctant to actually have diagnosed.
Fast forward I am now remarried with another dc and the past is far behind me.

@moobar counselling is a good idea, we are both extremely resilient people and on the whole have dealt with this very well and our other two kids are completely oblivious to the situation, but I'm angry - really angry, and I need to let that go.

We're very much looking forward to Christmas and will try to get away somewhere with DSD and the other two kids. I know we'll be fine in the end, think I'm still a bit she'll shocked tbh

@Confusedbeetle

This is something we've discussed and we're really not sure how to deal with it, the details are horrific - really abhorrent, and then some of the other allegations are just down right bizarre and absurd. The mother is absolutely deranged on so many levels (and a social worker may I add) but manages to fool people and play the victim in it all by some clearly very good acting skills!

When DSD reaches an age where she is able to handle this information ie 25years old for example...is it not best she knows what happened? Perhaps she won't want any contact with her in the future as she is not mentally stable and seems to thrive on drama - we just hope we can guide her away from similar behaviours and be a real positive influence in her life.

My DH considered taking his life at one point, very shortly before I met him. My heart breaks everyday that he's had to deal with this and will never get that time back with his little girl.

We actually see ourselves as the lucky ones in a way, there will be many other people out there who have or currently going through a similar experience, but we were in an extremely fortunate position that our parents were able to help out financially with the 50+k it cost to get to the point of seeing DSD on weekends and half of all holidays. (We'll be paying it back for years to come, but still...we feel lucky in a way). What about those who have to give up and walk away. Knowing full well that their reputation is destroyed and they will never be able to save their child from the emotional abuse of the parent who is doing the manipulating. I think I'm rambling now 😔