Did that person, really not hear me say hello? As I passed them on the school gates ?Am I really talking that quietly?Funny my child seems to hear me just fine, as I walk past all the mothers at the school gates I am starting to think its a school for hard of hearing, because I have lost count the amount of times I have said hello only to be blanky ignored.
So I question what is it.what do I stand for single mum? who doesn't own a car have a flashy husband with flashy white teeth.
Oh and I don't have amples of time to talk about after school activites as I am just trying to earn a crust doing a job made for two .Ok maybe its me? maybe I really need to accept I really am not worth talking to, because when its me and another mother talking to another mother I blankly get sounded out.unheard invisible did I really get knocked down by a car on the way to school and I am now a ghost who never realised they died. And I am still trying to live a human life and the only ones that talk and interact with me, are those with some sixth sense which has a ability to see me, the true me so my life in school is getting smaller my life outside of school is getting bigger trying to feel my life with meaningful people who I can truly connect with, that can see me hear me know the true me .
But I have a die hard nature, I keep trying with these people that blanky ignore me I make excuses I think they are tired, they didn't hear me? I should talk louder? they are stressed have domestic abusive husbands or wives that they have lost there confidence. my excuses for them goes on because I just want to believe they are compassionate human being just like I am that actually care about your feelings, your soul who you are, and each day my light gets smaller and smaller because I can't accept the glaring truth that I am not respected I stand for nothing I am just a single mum and my inner life means nothing they don't even ask who I am? or what do I do are they scared of what I stand for.Or are they afraid of something.a lurking husband stealer or something ha its so laughable I have resigned to a single life because I am very stubborn and won't take a lot of crap .I have a radar for any forms of abuse that stretched 100 miles.Not following the herd comes with a huge weight at times one being loneliness two standing out like a sore thumb.And not getting invited and the more you get excluded the more you get excluded someone has to be the scapegoat I guess.the one who wears the shadow of everyone else.Ok so now I have come to the awesome bit.I am a worthy amazing human being just like you all are and what ever people want to project in my direction is really only that.I know through life standards I may have failed the social game card as I often find myself with a bad hand. but maybe its time to stop playing the game and give my self permission, to be ok just as I am. As people come and go like the weather yet the sun always shines even if concealed.I don't need their approval to define who I am.And on that note I will bow out a happy ghost.At least those with real meaning and purpose can see me and connect without editing who one is to fit in with the herd.funny that herd and heard sounds the same does the herd get heard.but the unherd. Gets unheard.