Temporary move away from DC

[chatnicknameyousuggested]

DS would be 19, still living at home, 2nd year of university. DD would be 13.
We are not in the UK.
There is a slight chance of an 9 month secondment coming up to another country, 2 flights and 8 hours away. There would be 4 2 week periods when DC could visit or I could go home.
DP passed away some years ago, but DC would be living in the our same house, with grandparents.
DD could possibly come to new country for a term, learn new language etc. Her education wouldn't suffer, could easily reintegrate back into school system here.
However the real issue isn't that, it's leaving them for so long.
Am I crazy even exploring this? I'll be honest, it's mainly for the money.
I could save enough in 9 months to cover DD's university degree.
The topic came up and I had a fantasy of doing it. I would come back to my old job with enough money for DD (I have just about enough for DS, but it's taken me a while).

I am surprised by how many people are opposed to this as a point of principle.

I think it very much depends on your DD and her relationship with her GPs. Are they close? Are the GPs healthy and capable?

Offer her the opportunity to come with you, and explain that she can come and stay any time. If she is close to the GPs and settled with school and friends then I think I would do this. The upside of being able to fund her university education is very significant.

Yes I'd do it. My parents went to Hong Kong when I was 13 funnily enough for a year and my grandparents lived with us - was great fun. Was already close to my grandparents, and sounds bad but I didn't really miss / notice my parents were gone. They came back quite a few times during that year. My parents did ask us first how we'd feel about it, and on the day they left I remember having a bit of a cry, but after that just cracked on and was very busy being wrapped up in my life.
I guess the one thing now is I think life is much tougher for young teenagers now with social media, bullying etc so if make sure then grandparents were savvy to all this

For those of you who have replied, I am just wondering... if DP was still alive, would that make the difference? Is it leaving DD without a parent, or without a mother?

If your DP was still alive my answer would be different as leaving a child with a parent is ok, even then it’s not ideal but at least the child would still have 1 parent around.

You have a child who’s father is sadly dead and last thing you do to a child in that position is bigger off for months on end. Teens are such a delicate age anyway and they need a parent

Also there were 5 of us so the house was always quite busy - might feel a bit different if your DD is used to having a more intense relationship with you

DS lives at home. GPs will outlive us all, but no, not very tech savvy at all.

My DM died when I was very young. If my DF then left me as a young teen, I'd have felt abandoned by the two people most expected to care for me.
I suspect that I'd also blame every single misdemeanour on that 'abandonment'. Wrongly, I know,but it'd be an easy 'card' to play.
I'd be fearful that your relationship with your DD will never be as close again
Mothers of teens have a hard enough time keeping their DC on an even keel, without adding this complication into the mix.

Yes, that's what I worry about. So far, DD is fine, but who knows? DS loves the idea, he fancies himself as the man of the house if I went away.

If the 13 year old was on board, then yes I would. It’s only nine months. And they could join you every school holiday. No different to boarding school for a year, really. Actually better than boarding school because they’d go home to their grandparents every night. Paying for uni is a big thing if you will struggle to do it otherwise.

No. You are their only parent. I wouldn't. 19 is a lot different from 13.

I think it exacerbated issues that were already there, but that we didn’t know about at all. Girls are often very good at masking problems.

But being far away from one parent for that year made things much much worse.

Skype etc is great, but it’s not the same as having the person there with you.

I would take this opportunity and take my daughter with me. It's as much an opportunity for her as you, and if you use the extra funds to pay for her uni fees, then it is something you've "earned together".

Son gets a "safe" stab at running a house independently. Grandparents on hand to support as necessary.

Go for it.

Do NOT leave your daughter behind. That way lies danger.

I know a couple of people who fly in and out of the country every 2 weeks for a weekend to visit their children (although they spend most of the weekends in London nightclubs and nursing hangovers).

They live and work permanently overseas. The children have a couple of nannies. They have been doing this since the children were very young.

I wouldn’t recommend it but I can see you could make it work if you space the visits out so you are not too long apart.

Weekends here and there and your dd coming for a term.

It could really help financially.

I would have a full discussion with your dc and be truthful in what your reasons are if you take the job

At DS's age many DCs live away from home and visit for holidays so he should be absolutely fine. He has the GPs for support next door, he can come visit you, you can go visit him.

Since DD is up for it, take her with you, it will be fine.

Do it OP, and take DD with you. What an opportunity for her! Another language, another culture, that's a wonderful learning experience.

I’d also go if it meant they sailed through Uni

Good luck