Doctor speaking about me, not to me?

[pyjamas89]

I had an appointment yesterday with a doctor from the MH team that I hadn't met before - my MH nurse came with me. I'm autistic and struggle with new people, and can find it difficult to communicate how I feel but I'm able to if given the time and space.

The doctor asked so many questions so quickly that I got really overwhelmed because I couldn't keep up and answer. If I didn't answer straight away she just asked another one. Both myself and my nurse asked her to slow down and give me time but I became upset and had to go and get some fresh air.

When we came back in I was trying to answer a question and the doctor asked my nurse, "when did she last...". A question about me, not to me, like I wasn't there. I was so upset I got up and left (completely unlike me).

I feel so stupid and upset. People spoke about me over my head like that during a recent pretty traumatic hospital admission and I suppose being reminded of that didn't help.

I'm autistic, not an idiot. I could have answered had I been given the time and had the question been asked to me.

Would this have upset you? I don't even know if it was OK for her to do that or if I'm being overly sensitive but I found it really degrading.

It wouldn't just upset me it would make me furious. As you have every right to be.

I cannot understand how someone working in MH who comes into contact with people with autism would behave the way this dr did. As such, I'd be tempted to complain. Your experience of this appointment will likely negatively impact future interactions (I would guess you're going to be more stressed about subsequent ones in future which in turn will impact how you respond in them). I would want to make a complaint and also, if possible, have it written prominently on your notes that you need to be given time to respond to questions.

I do understand that drs are extremely pushed for time abc she may have been rushed, but that doesn't mean you have to accept poor treatment.

The doctor was incredibly rude and insensitive. I would have been livid.

Dr was very rude and showed appalling lack of awareness of your condition and autism generally. Awful that he's part of an MH team.

My DD is autistic. Whenever we have had appointments with Psychiatrist, psychologist, therapists, GPs etc. they have always addressed questions to her and been patient. I will only ever answer for her when she asks to.

And yes this would have pissed me off too. And, I'm sure, many others.

Everything kristallen said OP, I wonder if PALS would be able to help with a complaint and putting measures in place to stop anything like this happening again. This would definitely have upset me (I'm not autistic but do struggle in medical situations) and no it was not ok for her to do that, especially when your MH nurse was clearly telling her you just needed time to answer. I'm really sorry you've had such a shitty experience OP, I hope you can get some resolution/reassurance (and a bloody big apology!) with a complaint

I am bipolar and also have Aspergers.... Sometimes the health specialists talk about me, rather than to me..... But then so do other people sometimes. I do wonder though if they aren't really talking as quickly as i think they are..... Maybe my brain, under pressure, is just v slow at processing speech along with trying to deal with everything else.

Thank you all for your thoughts and for replying. It has been reassuring to know others would have been upset too.

@kristallen all very helpful thoughts thank you - I already have a communication alert on my notes though so I'm not sure what more I can do.

I'm not keen to complain as I have recently raised concerns about the ward I was admitted to (issues like this around communication, so many medication errors I lost count, being sent home with 10 X as much medication as I should have been given, as well as medication belonging to another patient. The list goes on...) I really don't want to be seen as a serial complainer or trouble maker and to be honest it's soul destroying and exhausting needing to raise issues like this to be treated like a human, with feelings...

It's just frustrating as I think people think I don't want to engage, when I do - I just am often not accommodated in a way that enables me to.

@MamaWeasel I can really identify with that. In that kind of setting I feel pressurised and overwhelmed, which slows down my processing and the speed at which I'm able to answer

I think you were treated appallingly. Put your concerns and explanations in writing to management please.

PS: I understand how you feel about complaining but there is a lot to complain about in many hospital situations. You won't be the only one.

If you don't feel up to complaining yourself can an advocate help you? The doctor needs some refresher training on communication needs of patients. Especially in mental health settings.

I guess I will speak to my nurse about it when I see her and see what her take on the situation was?

Is there a possibility that the Doctor had taken on board that asking you all the original questions had made you so anxious / overwhelmed that you had to leave the room, and therefore believed that, by 'relieving you' of that pressure, it might be less uncomfortable / difficult for you ?

When I opened the thread, from your title, I was ready to criticise as others have, but, having read your OP, I think there is a different way of looking at this.
I'm really sorry you felt this way, but sometimes we have to look at the intent of the person who has - potentially - got it wrong, and my perception is that they might have been making a real effort to stop you being as anxious as you were when they were asking you the questions.

@BackforGood I am completely open to the fact that I may have read the situation wrong so it is helpful to hear how else it might look. Earlier in the appointment my nurse spoke about me to the doctor to answer one of the questions but before doing so asked me, 'pyjamas is it helpful if I tell Dr X a bit about this?' so it felt quite different. I suppose in an ideal world the Dr could have said said similar so I was clear.

Indeed, That would have been better.

Mental health services are so underfunded - always have been but the austerity over the last 9 years has made everything so much worse - that staff are so rushed and under such ridiculous pressure to hit targets and work their way through impossible caseloads and appointment schedules, people sometimes don't get it right.

I completely get the pressure @BackforGood (I actually used to be a HCP myself so I really do!) and I know people sometimes don't get it right - but I suppose it upset me because it was easily avoidable.

I had a very similar thing happen to me a few years ago. The psychiatrist spoke over my head repeatedly, to the mental health support lady i had brought with me, and they both passed comment back and forward, laughing at my expense about how I can behave or come across. I cried so hard that evening.

Sorry you had that experience @OldElPasoHadAChicken, that's really awful

Been feeling upset about this again this evening, then feeling silly that it's still playing on my mind