How much does your DH do?

[goodluckhun]

Hey, just looking for some perspective really.
We have a 2 year old daughter who is really hard work and I'm 12 weeks pregnant with our second. This pregnancy has really knocked me, I'm constantly exhausted and sick at least 4/5 times a day. I also have a chronic illness and can't take any medication due to the pregnancy.
He works full time and I work two days a week so DD is at childminders. I am really struggling to cope with everything and just wondered if I was being unreasonable or if he could/should be doing more?
He has taken over litter tray as it's not safe for me to do but I have to remind him to do it often. He will do the dishwasher if I ask him to and does nearly all of the washing, although I more often than not put it away which is the hard part.
He is great on weekends, he's a really fantastic dad and gets up with her both mornings which helps.
He often plays video games until midnight during the week which I really hate as I'm so tired and him coming to bed that late really disrupts me but I watch trashy tv so I suppose it evens out even though I go to bed about 10/10.30. I ask him to come to bed earlier and he does for a few nights but then it's back to midnight again.
He leaves the house about 7.30 (gets up early to work out) and is home about 6.30. He will put her to bed but that means I'm usually the one who has to tidy living room or sort out dinner dishes etc.
I don't even know what I'm expecting, I'm just not coping very well!

It sounds like you're struggling but he does sound like he's pulling his weight albeit its very annoying to have to keep asking someone to do something like the litter tray. I don't think you can expect him to come to bed at the same time as you (although if there's things he does that disturb you like making noise when he does come to bed then definitely ask him to change that or see if earplugs/eyemask help).

To be honest that sounds like a fairly good split of duties considering he works full time? Gets up with kids when he can, does all washing, puts them to bed. Involved on weekends. My OH needs reminding to do dishwasher or little bits round the house. Now I'm on maternity he does nothing of the housework but is involved in childcare, but we've had the talk of what needs to change when I go back to work in feb. I remember that early part of pregnancy where I just felt like death every day, it was bloody horrible. I feel for you. That's what ended up making me feel like I couldn't cope. Hopefully it'll improve soon and in the meantime just don't put so much pressure on yourself. Ask him for help when you need it. I think the gaming til midnight I would let slide seeing as he seems pretty involved in other aspects of your life and midnight isn't a horrendous time, I've seen some peoples on here partners that stay up gaming until small hours and sleep til midday. That is obviously unacceptable. Hope you start to feel better soon, as you are being sick multiple times have you seen your doc? You don't have to suffer there are things you can have to improve the sickness!xxx

It's not a good split given OP has a chronic illness and can't take her medication. She's not well and he should be stepping up like families do. This will be good practice for him as he should be carrying EVERYTHING for at least a few weeks after OP gives birth.

I wouldn't worry about the gaming if he is able to carry out doing most of the duties the next day on the sleep that he gets. Is there a way of him being less disturbing when he comes to bed? Getting changed in the bathroom for instance, having a tiny torch to find his way to bed without turning on a light and being as quiet as a mouse?

He shouldn't need constant reminders to do stuff, that makes me irritated just thinking about it!

My DH does 50% of the bed times for our two kids (we usually take one of the children each), he cooks and washes up 50% of the time, he does most of the house cleaning. I do the laundry and bath times because I prefer it that way. Your DH needs to get into the habit of doing his part of the chores BEFORE he sits down to the computer/console, then it'll get done. I'd write up his chores on the wall so he can easily see what needs to be done without you having to nag at him. Good luck OP! I hope pregnancy treats you better.

Thank you, this is really helpful! I think I'm just having such a lousy pregnancy that I can't see the good he's doing x

Thank you @Damntheman I was starting to really doubt myself over the 'nagging' - he shouldn't need reminding that basic stuff needs to be done! Also he'll spend an hour organising batteries or his books and then argue that he's doing his share whilst the washing up piles up and the beds need making you know?

Oh I know the old vital battery sort trick well! So annoying!

Pro tip for when the baby comes. It's perfectly possible to game AND hold a sleeping baby if you hold the nursing pillow on your lap while sitting in the gaming chair. Baby happy, DH gaming happy, you get to sleep!