Episiotomy troubles

[LisaS88]

Hi Ladies,
Had my first son almost 8 weeks ago, tbh it was a hectic horrible delivery and really struggling that nothing went as expected (had forceps, episiotomy and haemorrhaged a litre and a half of blood) but my real problem is the episiotomy. It’s not constantly hurting now but I am very worried that it doesn’t feel right and sex is not even on the table right now. How long did it take for you to get back to normal in the bedroom?

Baby is 4 months and things are still tight! It takes a while to get things back to normal. Don't panic, your body will heal. I didn't believe it at first but it does get better 👍

Still attempting to fix mine 9 years on.

Months and months. More so the fear. Mines was the opposite though. Stitches burst after a few days and genuine agony so I can empathise!

Just take your time and go slow. Dont pressure yourself and if you're not up to it, dont force it!

With my first I also had forceps, episiotomy, large haemorrhage. So I sympathise. It's a scary thing, particularly with your first and I remember feeling like a lot was just out of my control and I was just kind of in shock for a good while I think.
I tried sex after six weeks but it was too early and not horribly painful but uncomfortable so we abandoned. I think probably around the 12 week or so mark I felt more comfortable but in terms of back to previous frequency & activeness of sex probably 6months or so after.
Now nearly 3 years since, and another baby, and all is well. You will be fine, just give yourself as much time as you need.

Thanks for the replies, really helps to know that hopefully this will pass and is just a temporary situation. x

It gets better, I'm 5 months on and still feel twinges now and then but it's pretty much back to normal now.

If it doesn't heal properly you can have a Fentons Procedure. They usually wait at least 6 months after the birth but it can really help. I needed one because the scar didn't form properly - I went on to have two more children (with no tearing).

It was 2.5 years before anyone took me seriously. Have had everything but surgery, which NHS not now prepared to do for another reason. :(

I don’t want to be a doommonger but it isn’t always okay.

Sex was so uncomfortable when I had one. I fell pregnant when DS was 7 months old and could pin point the date because we rarely ever dtd.

It finally felt better when DD tore through the stitches and i was re-stitched after having her.

Probably not what you want to hear - sorry!

8 months. It hurt until 8 months (daily, in general, not dtd), then stopped hurting at 8 months.

Go back to the postnatal ward and get it checked out. Mine was terribly uncomfortable and I went back 6 weeks later and it turned out it was a granulated (overgrown) scar and was literally forming a ridge inside.

I had to get it smoothed down with silver nitrate. I'm not gonna lie, it was stingy as hell but I had a fantastic result and was able to have sex within a couple of weeks and it was fine.

A bit traumatic at the time! But I'm really glad I got it investigated so early.

For me it hurt until I had my second baby 2 years later, I didn't tear that time but it just seemed to somehow correct things.

Did you ask the doctor to have a look at your 6 week check? I felt really sore after mine and reluctantly mentioned that it didn't seem to be getting better. The doctor was great, and had a look. It turns out I had something called granulation, where the skin tissue sort of over heals. She whipped out some silver nitrate and dealt with it straight away. It felt sore, like a graze, for a short while, but I've not had a problem since.

I had one with dc1- dtd 6 weeks later and it was completely fine.

I tore again with dc2, and again healed fine and dtd after 4 weeks.

I remember after dc1 feeling like I’d never be right again and Google was only showing me the horror stories, which really made me panic. Everyone has a different experience but please try and remember it’s a spectrum and you’re still very early days in the healing process, so be easy on yourself.

Mine felt painful for about 12 weeks then it settled down and healed really well. 2.5 years on it is absolutely fine. Very, very occasionally if I am sat at an odd angle right on it it feels slightly uncomfortable.

I've just seen @ElspethFlashman response-the same thing basically! Hopefully it's this for you and can be sorted ASAP x

Must have been at least 6 months. And then we only dtd a handful of times over the next few months before we conceived DC2 when DC1 was 15 months. Repair after DC2 birth was so much better. Healed faster, and without any of the tightness or discomfort.

We waited 3 months ish before dtd.. DH was present when I was told how damaged I was.

Week 1 I had no control over toilet functions and I was drugged up to even manage a small walk down the corridor...
Week 2 I could move without being in tears.. missed DS first walks out as I couldnt walk far enough.
By Week 4ish I had some control but not a great deal.
By my 6 week appointment with consultant I had no feeling at all down there. At this point I decided to get on with things and what happens would happen...

By week 12 we tried dtd and I thought it would never improve but we persevered and now at 8 months I have feeling again and can mostly control my bladder and bowel.. however have discovered with a chest infection I wee myself if I cough too much !

I had similar (minus blood loss - you really have my sympathies) and it’s back to normal now. I couldn’t have sector two months, it tugged during sex for about a year (couldn’t manage all positions for the first few months but gradually worked my way up to them). It’s really not that different to when you first start having sex really (except there is a very concentrated pinch in addition to overall tightness). You can definitely stretch back out to a comfortable level with a bit of time.

As others have said too. I had granulation and silver nitrate fixed it right up. Sex was fine after that

I have an 11 week old baby and had forceps / episiotomy. The pain has gone, but I'm really worried about having sex and I can't see it happening any time soon. I don't really have any advice, but the main thing is don't rush/feel pressured, take your time.

Thanks for the replies, I don't think there is a granulation there I just feel like I was sewn up too tight if that makes sense? Anyways going by everyone's experience it looks like I will need to give it time and see how it goes. It's crazy they don't tell us about the long term effects and the difficulty it can cause and whats normal (or not). I feel like if I was warned or had information available after it would be easier to deal with ( I mean other than a generic leaflet about how to look after it ) Will see how the next couple of months go.

Whenever you decide to try, for the love of God buy a ton of lube! That goes for 100% of women post childbirth!