Bloody pointless reviews - why?!?!?

[NeverGotMyPuppy]

I was bought a Konfidence swim nappy for my son. It is supposed to be worn by itself but it doesnt seem too secure to me so I checked some reviews. Loads of 5 star ones, brilliant. But when you read them loads say 'I use a disposable underneath' - then it doesnt do what it says it does then, why give it 5 stars?!?!
On BBC good food. So many great ratings of recipes with reviewers saying 'lovely recipe. I switched the lamb for chicken, added some carrots and onions, omitted the prunes because I didnt have any and cooked it for twice the length of says to. Came out perfect'. THAT ISN'T THE SAME ARSING RECIPE THEN IS IT?! And then the worst ones - '5 stars. Cant wait to try it'. What the actual fuck?!

Who are these people?!?!

The absolute worst are the Amazon ones “haven’t opened or used it as it is a gift for my grandson but it looks fine” - thanks for that. And they “answer” questions -“don’t know, sorry”. Then don’t answer!

Or the ones who leave a one star product review says something like "it never came so avoid" I think you need trustpilot love!!

The one star ones that say 'didn't fit, i ordered the wrong size'. Or i didn't like it, i ordered the wrong colour'.
And i agree, the ones that answer the question with 'I don't know', why take the time to answer at all?
Also when they try to be helpful, if you ask, for example, what size the bottom of a saucepan is, they answer, 'don't know, but i think it's pretty big'.
It's so bizarre.

Or the ones who leave a one star product review says something like "it never came so avoid"

Yes- or on restaurants- one star "turned up without a reservation and it was full so we went somewhere else".

My friend runs a sports event which obviously has the same name as a really bad Chinese takeaway as he frequently gets one star reviews along the lines of "waited ages and it was cold"

And they “answer” questions -“don’t know, sorry”.

I know my MIL has done this, so I suspect the other 'answers' are for a similar reason. If she receives one of the automated e-mails saying something like 'can you answer a question from XXX' she assumes she has been specifically picked to answer and so if she doesn't know she says so. I have tried to explain that this is not the case, and no-one is waiting to hear whether she can help, but she won't believe me!

We get this with books. 'Haven't read it yet, 1*' They don't realise that these reviews affect the author's rankings on Amazon and therefore the visibility of their book! They also think they have to respond instantly when Amazon sends the 'would you like to review this product?' email.

No. No you don't. You wait until you've read it and THEN review. Although, if you're that daft, you probably won't understand the long words.

I work for a small company and it's absolutely heartbreaking for us when people leave a review on FB or Trustpilot when they have misunderstood something or when it's something we'd help them with immediately if they just contact us first. So something along the lines of "I haven't received my order" and one star/negative review - but they haven't even contacted us so we could look into it first. Or people who leave three stars (out of give) and say "all was perfect, wonderful product and service" - that three stars really brings the average down though so it affects us like a negative review would! Or there's the "smaller than expected" negatives when the exact measurements and 10 photos were available on the website.

I really wish people would contact the company first as most are happy to resolve issues immediately. Obviously if after an email and a few days wait you haven't heard anything and your order hasn't arrived/product is broken, then that's different.

Arrived on time, well packaged.
Nothing about the actual product!!

Zero stars.

Amazon didn’t deliver it on time.

Trip Advisor reviews are bad for this too. 2 star reviews for a hotel because their flight was delayed. Or because they had a long weekend and it rained.

I generally agree, except for the recipe ones I quite like knowing how other people have adapted the recipe or that it’s worked for other people when they’ve also used oregano because they’ve run out of rosemary or similar.

My favourite was 1 star for an unpadded sports bra.
Reviewer gave it one star because it was unpadded!

Oh yes. The Amazon grandparents reviews.

'Fitted my 5 year old grandson perfectly!

Ps He is 6ft 5.'

I bought it for my wife and she said ..........

Oh piss off can't your wife order online.

5 stars, haven't tried it yet but it the picture online looks promising. !

I’m allergic to cows milk and saw a recipe for a sponge cake where they’d omitted sugar for apple sauce.

As if being allergic to a whole food group isn’t bad enough you have to remove what little bit of fun is left in life.