How on earth do I explain this to ds?

[theduchessstill]

I have posted about this before but it has now come to a head.

Basically, my dc (12 &10) stay 2 nights per week with their dad and he allows ds2 pretty much unlimited screen time. This involves using a laptop ex needs for work (he wfh) but he allows ds on it all the time as he seems incapable of getting him to do anything else.

He has got a quote to have a laptop built that would take all of ds's accessible savings/pocket money (about £350) as well as about £150 from ex's relatives. I had already discussed this with ds and told him I wanted to see him saving for about a year and then I would pay half. This is because he spends any cash he gets (savings are mainly from my dd payments) on absolute shit and I don't really want his account emptied. I also don't want him spending it all on a laptop that ex is having built as I don't trust ex and I'm also not happy ex is just doing it because he can't be arsed to parent him. I also suspect ds would be encouraged to leave the laptop there when he comes home so that ex could use it, especially if it turns out to be better than ex has atm.

I've emailed ex and said ds won't be spending the money now and he has emailed back telling me I'm 'a cow', 'a nasty piece of work' and to tell ds he (ex) has cancelled his laptop. I don't know how to put this to ds. I don't want to criticise ex to ds but I know ex will curse me to high heaven when they are there later this week. How do I deal with this? I can't think of anything to say that won't involve saying ex is out of order. Ds knew perfectly well he wasn't allowed to spend the money at this time...

I remember your previous thread. Your ex is a right piece of work isn’t he. No advice I’m afraid but sure others will and I’m sorry you and DS have to deal with this childish prick

I remember your last post - wasn't it your DS1's money he was trying to spend? Is it still? Sorry, I can't tell from this post.

Tell your son it is his savings, for when he needs something, that if daddy pays half for the laptop it will be stay with his dad, and he will be sharing it with daddy and not see the laptop for 5 out of 7 days
You would rather keep to your word and get one that DS owns alone.

It was dearer than we had anticipated and your dad would have wanted to keep it with him all week as it’s valuable so it would have been too much money and you’d only see it two days a week. Why don’t we look in the January sales and see if we an get something cheaper but just as good that you can have every day. We have a budget of x. You can help me look in January. It’s only a few weeks. If we can’t find one you can continue saving or we can buy second hand as people get new laptops for Christmas and refurbished second hand ones are good value as long as we shop carefully with a reputable company.

Ps do computer shops like pc world offer a discount to students? And look at qvc.uk as they let you pay thing up sometimes if they are doing easypays and they have laptops.

goodwinter Yes, he was after ds1's savings as ds2 didn't have enough, but now the laptop is cheaper than expected and he has persuaded his family to chip in.

Stress the fact the laptop will stay unused by your DS all week.