If you are a single parent to school age DC and work full time..

[OUwhatnext]

What does your day look like?

I have one 10 year old. I currently work in the village where she goes to school, and a family member picks her up and looks after her 3.15-5pm. I collect at 5.10pm.

The problem is my wage is low and there is no progression. I will never get a mortgage or save a deposit in this job.

If I change jobs, I'd likely be commuting an hour each way, so if you work and juggle older kids (I'm conscious there will be no wrap around childcare after next year!) could you tell me how you manage mornings and after school?

I am very lucky to work from home and dd can walk to school herself (she’s 10). Otherwise she would be in breakfast and after school club . Normally for high school they can go to school 30 mins before it starts and their are sports clubs and things even if it is not child care. Also you could look at a school on the way to where the jobs are ?

Working from home would be amazing, but unlikely to happen from day 1 in a new job I think.

There are only 2 high schools in our catchment, she will be going to one or the other! Both around 20/30 min travel in rush hour A road traffic but only a couple of miles distance.

I'd be commuting into the nearest city.

I feel you. I rent in the same village as my 11year old dd's school. The rent is extortionate. I work the other side of town and have to use public transport which can take up to an hour. There are no after school clubs for secondary school children so my dd walks home and has to wait for me.

Does your dd mind cleo? Does she make her own tea?

I did at dd's age, but I also had older siblings in and out of the house so I wasn't always alone, and dd does not have the common sense I had at her age - I've tried to instill it!

DS is 8. I now live with dp, but he doesnt drive and ds school is quite far away so I still do school runs.

I earned 25k when I became a single mum.

My day was/is

5am - get up have a quiet coffee, get ready.
6.30am - Wake ds up and get home ready
7.15am - leave and drop ds at school around 7.30.

8am - work

4.30pm - leave work to get ds
5.15 ish get in and run bath for ds put dinner on.
6.30 thats all done so spend some time together.
8pm ds in bed. I would do bits of house work or work if needed. Sometime chill and then bed at 10am.

Breakfast and after school club was £15 a day.

I also have an older child who was at high school. So made sure she was up but she took herself to and from school. Exh would pick them up friday. They came back saturday, sometimes sunday.

It was expensive and it was hard in us all. I now work the same hours but get paid alot more and dp is here. I moved to a job where working from home is available. But I usually do it if the kids are ill.

Ds is going through being assessed for autisim. So its hard going. But its a routine. Now dp is here and gets in before me, he does alot of the housework and cooks dinner so that we all get more quality time.

Also, I managed to buy a house when i became a single parent. Equity from the marital home and moving to a cheaper area.

Ds starts a new school here soon. My best friend lives down the road and her kids go there so she will put him on the bus.

I dont speak to my parents, so no support there. My support is my best friend and her mum, who lives with her.

My dp is her brother, so I suppose they are my sil and mil. I couldnt do without them.

Mine has a hot lunch and I make her a sandwich in the fridge for tea

I was in your position ten years ago. DD (only child) used to let herself in and I'd be home 2-3 hours later. I made dinner when I got home. It wasn't ideal but that was the only option - I couldn't afford not to work. She is now 20 and off at university. It's hard being a single parent and working full time. I also can't get a mortgage and rent a very tiny but very expensive house.

Thanks Ms, did your older child go to school and come home alone from day 1 of high school? Do you find 8-4.30 is more manageable than 9-5/5.30 would be?

My wage is currently 18k ish. I started my degree when dd was small, I thought by the time I graduated and dd was 10 life would be so easy and it would all slot into place

Thanks Jane, that's more likely than her cooking.

Your - it's hard isn't it, 20 seems so far away from 10 right now, yet I don't know where the last 10 years went!

DD is in junior school so I currently rely heavily on wraparound care and my parents.
If I'm still doing this job when she starts secondary she'll be leaving the house at the same time as me in the morning and probably home half an hour to an hour before me. I'm.hoping she'll attend an w tra curricular club at least one day, my parents are well enough to pick her up one day, etc..
My career progression has halted completely since becoming a single parent - worth it! - but annoying that my ex can travel with work at the drop of a hat, change jobs and have access to more earning potential while I am tied to working 8 - 5.30 Mom to Fri (term time only!).

My DD is nearly 16, but since she was 11 she has been able make beans on toast, heat soup and cook beige food from the freezer. I work full time including nights and weekends ( no two days are the same), if necessary she can walk to and from school.

Currently I am in the middle of a nightmare shift pattern I started work at 8.30 am Saturday and was in clinic till 7pm, on call to 8.30 am today then in clinic till 7.30, on call tonight, in clinic 8.30 to 4.30 tomorrow.

My DD let herself in when she started secondary school btw. At primary she went to breakfast and after school clubs.

Yes, dd took herself to school all the time in high school. All the kids here do. It's less than 5 mins on a bus or 10-15 walk with friends. Her school starts at 8am, so she leaves just after me. Luckily she likes school and is sensible. She is going to study law, so has done really well. She is a good kid. No trouble.

I prefer 8-4.30pm. I did try 8.30am-5pm. But getting home half an hour later seemed to make the evening busier and less time with the kids.

As I say, now dp is here, dd has someone here when she comes home and I call dp when getting into car, after I pick ds up and dinner is on the table when we get in. So its easier. But it was harder at first and seemed easier when we had an established routine. After a few weeks, it seemed normal.

I am glad I stopped jobs to a better paid job. Now everything is falling into place as the kids get older.

The civil service is pretty good for working from home, depending on the role of course, but if it's not public facing many jobs have home working opportunities and very flexible hours. You usually have to work 6 months before requesting regular home working.

I am sort of full time in that I have 25 hours a week contracted, but work let me do over time where I want it that I can then take in lieu days. Ds is at a private school so the days are long, but our schedule is:

6:30 - wake, Ds breakfast while I’m in shower.
7:30 - leave for school - Ds can arrive from 7:45 for 8:15 start to the day. It’s not breakfast Club, he just gets started on his spellings / reading work with his form tutor.
8:30 - I get to work and stay until 4:15, working through my lunch.
5pm - collect Ds from school. He can stay until 6:30 free of charge (it’s a boarding school) but it’s SUCH a late day, and we are both bloody exhausted by then.

5:30 - feed Ds supper (pasta / picky tea / leftovers from the day before / freezer food)

I find like a previous poster that starting the day earlier is easier on us all than finishing late. Getting into the house past 6pm utterly demoralises me as I don’t feel I have time to fit anything in. I let standards drop hugely too. Our house is very ‘lived in’, but I don’t have the time or the energy to tackle it during the week.

In the school holidays I strip my hours back to the basic 25, and use as much holiday and Lieu time accrued as possible. Because Ds is private, he gets 5 weeks off at Xmas and Easter, and 11 weeks in the summer holidays 😫

Mine are 7 and 13.

Eldest had been walking home and letting himself in since last term of year 6.

He's now in year 8. He gets the bus to ace from school and makes himself a snack until I get home, me having picked up my youngest from club at 6pm. I then do tea for us all and get youngest to bed by 7:30.

It's a bit of a rush, but eldest is fine going to and from school. I'm out from 7:30 until 18:00 each day.

Missed out the food!

I found eldest snacked loads between him getting in and me getting in - until I showed him how to make better light meals. He now does beans on toast, jacket potatoes, waffles, soup, toasties etc. He really likes the independence.

Lots of us in the same boat then.. I forgot to put it in my OP, do they just stay home/entertain themselves in the school holidays outside of any annual leave you take?

Dd will be living off toast/toasties/oven pizza I predict!

I'm a teacher so luckily holidays weren't an issue for me.

For holidays I try and book him in as many clubs as possible - My next port of Call after that is my mum, then there are a few school mums I could ask for help from and who I’ve helped out in the past. After that it’s pulling sickies, hiding him under my desk and begging work to let me work from home..... stressful! Ds is only 7 so too young to be left alone.

I feel like I can hold the practicalities together so long as nothing goes tits up. I remember bursting into tears one day at work because it had started snowing and I knew my school run would take longer meaning my tightly held together schedules would go out the window.

It’s hard, the guilt is always there, but we do it and are - hopefully - showing our kids a good example in strong women providing for their families

OUwhatnext- she'll get herself a snack and she has the pug for company. I cook once home. I hope she doesn't mind