I've finally told her to fuck off and I feel great!

[feelingstronger]

There's been issues with my mum for a while, feeling she doesn't make an effort to see me or my DD by either not texting/visiting or cancelling visits when she's already supposed to be here. I can't get to hers as I don't drive, it's too dangerous to walk, and a taxi is too expensive at the minute.
It all blew up a month or so ago when she blamed me for something that I hadn't done (quite serious and was hurtful in what she'd said). I told her to fuck off then but a couple weeks later she called, demanded an apology and after a couple days/lots of messages of me trying to get her to realise where she messed up I apologised for an easy life and so my DD could know her grandmother.
Last week she turned up unexpectedly, stayed for five minutes, and then as she was leaving said she'd pop up later and she'd stay for roughly 30 minutes to an hour. This would be the longest time spent with her in months so I really looked forward to it, especially as I'm alone in the evenings and downstairs are quite antisocial so I get panicky. She didn't even bother to text herself, got a sibling to do it so I text her asking if she was totally not coming up or if she'd be up a bit later (wasn't clear in the siblings text). She said no and maybe Friday. Something snapped in me and I just said no.
Didn't hear from her until Saturday evening when she tried calling, which I ignored because me and my partner were having a baby free night and I didn't want her spoiling it. Ignored four phone calls Sunday because we were busy tidying.
I text her this morning on Facebook explaining why I hadn't answered, and how hurt I was. Not aggressive or confrontational just put the facts out there. She replied saying she was hurt too and I'm always busy when she wants to see me (never has she asked to see me apart from last Friday, but I have asked to even just sit in the car with her on the way to her work to spend time with her) and she understands that. I replied along the lines of "yep turn it back on yourself, why can't I ever just be hurt and you accept you're the reason why" she then said she wasn't going to argue with me but either we sort this out and enjoy time we spend together or we don't. I said I wasn't arguing with her I was just trying to have a discussion but she obviously can't have one without it turning into an argument and luckily nothing will change if we just carry on as normal and agree we won't see each other anymore. She then called me a "nasty spiteful little girl" which did get my back up a bit and I asked if it's spiteful to be fed up of being treated like shit and voicing it like she does so often, how I apologised last time but I'm not backing down, and she's too selfish to sort things out so goodbye. I then blocked her on Facebook. Five minutes later I get a text through on my phone that I'm immature, and a drama queen who can't call or arrange to meet up to sort this out. I then got very angry as personally I believe blocking someone shows you're done so I called her a deluded bitch and told her to fuck off. She said to grow up and it's clear I want my MIL help not hers and I use my DD against her (notice id made absolutely no mention of the baby before this). I then sent a very long text essentially saying I'm fed up of being treated this way, she's toxic and no I won't have her ruining my child (first time I've ever said I dont want her anywhere near her, in the past I've always tried to encourage a relationship) and then blocked her on my phone.
It's a long read so sorry for that but I feel so liberated, and strong for doing this. I normally back down, or not give into the name calling because it's childish but today I just thought well if she's going to be childish maybe that's the only way to get through to her. She's fucked my life up for years, by not sending me to school regularly, by moving her boyfriend in and out every couple of months since 2013, and kicking me out almost two years ago because I had a messy bedroom (we hadn't even spoken for a month so for her to say she'd asked me to tidy it beforehand is a pisstake in my eyes and I was 17 fgs, who kicks their 17yo out for a messy room!) Anyway, I'm so proud of myself and wanted to get it out in writing somewhere 💪☺️

I got kicked out at 17for a messy room. Congratulations for standing up to her!

@caravanette I can't believe someone else out there had the same experience! It's such a stupid reason I thought nobody else would do that!
I'm sorry you had to go through that though, I still feel the fear from reading the text and not knowing where I'd go because I didn't think I had enough money to get anywhere. I was on the bus to college at the time and I just broke down in my seat, called my boyfriend, and didn't even get off the bus just sent a text to them saying I wouldn't be in that day. The hatred in her eyes when I went round a week later to get my things was the scariest thing I've ever seen, and what brought us back together was a pregnancy/miscarriage.

Not sure of your history OP.... but CONGRATULATIONS for kicking ass... you will feel the benefits and no more bullshit...

@BumbleBeee69 thank you so much!! And your username made me smile as my DDs nickname is bumblebee and her initials are EEEB!

I have gone NC before with her but maximum four months at a time, always felt amazing for doing it but I think i kept going back because some part of me still craved her attention and affection.
Now I am definitely done. My DD will not be seeing me treated this way, and I will not risk her being treated the way I have been when little (first time she told me to get out of her house I was around 3, wasn't yet diagnosed autistic and so had a lot of pent up rage that I'd probably used by shouting at my sister or something for example). If my partner was ignoring me when I tried to explain my feelings and instead causing an argument he'd be out like a shot because it's not fair to bring a child up in that environment so why allow anyone else to do this in front of her.

Life is long OP... you gotta do what makes that life happier

Well done you! Try to keep it up, it’s hard but better in the long run. I went no contact on and off for years, finally broke the cycle about ten years ago and it’s been lovely. I realised that I spent my childhood wanting her to love me, my twenties I would have settled for like me, my thirties I hoped for a little respect and then I realised that it was never gonna happen. Every tiny thing had to be about her so me and the children walked and haven’t looked back. I wish you all the luck! 💐

Another NC here, just had to get off the merry go round and life so much more peaceful

Thank you everyone! I am a little bit worried I'll give in again but having People’s support, even if it's anonymous strangers, is helping me feel so much stronger and more determined.
I felt a little bit guilty last time that my DD would be growing up with one less grandmother but it doesn't bother me this time. The name calling that just came out of nowhere has confirmed I've done the right thing, especially after I'd told her she was making my depression worse by treating me like this and yet she carried on.
My grandad can be a bit toxic, he definitely relishes in people falling out with my mum, and she's always said how worried she is about him being around my DD but funny enough she never thought about her own toxic behaviour.
Feeling a little bit sad if I'm honest that I no have no contact with either parent, and when baby was in bed and my partner was at work I did get a little down thinking things like "why aren't I good enough" and similar thoughts but I know I am good enough they just don't see it. And as much as my mum hates it, my in laws and their family friends are such amazing help and a brilliant support system so it's not like I'm now alone and have nobody which is what I struggled with in the past, especially when homeless.

@Gilead that's definitely the process I've gone through. Up until I was about 16 I was desperate for love, the last three years it was then desperate to be liked or have some attention (this is childish and petty but it felt like a total stab through the heart when she posted a really long loving message along with about thirty photos for my sisters birthday on Facebook, and then a month later I had nothing from her on mine, and a card she wrote that morning. Stupid I know but it hurt so bad because I was desperate for anything at the time. This was about 3/4 years ago, and she hasn't posted anything since for me either even when I brought it up). The last month or so though, after what happened with her blaming me for a situation I had nothing to do with, I've just been ready to be done with her but kind of kept hoping until last week.

NC here, I was kicked out at 17 because I objected to my parents stealing my money. Our kids don't need toxic grandparents; they need relatives that love them, or no relatives.

Well done! You're really not alone. I'm going LC with mine.

I hope you feel positive and empowered that she won't be able to let you down again and that siblings understand.

Sometimes it just needs to be said OP. Cheers for saying it.

Well done OP. Eventually it gets easier and you begin to feel better without the drama. Been NC with my DM since April. I'd been NC on/off for two years but would always give in when she'd reassure me she'd changed, but she's a perpetual victim. All her problems are always someone else's fault and the slightest thing sets her off. Within weeks of us making up her mask would slip and she'd call me things similar to what yours has. I'm "a shit daughter" apparently I have her messages saved so that whenever I'm having a wobble I read them again to remind myself of who she really is.

With some people you have no choice but to go nc. It's normally after a long period of time dealing with being poorly treated, taking verbal abuse, being blamed for things or a combination of things.
I watched a friend of mine dealing with the mil from hell for a few years.
On day she rang my friend looking for her son on her mobile phone. My friend said he is not here but I will get him to ring you when he is back from work.
Mil never ended the call and then proceed to say a lot of horrible things about my friend which she heard.
When my friends husband came home she told him what she heard and told him your mother is no longer welcome in my house. If you don't tell her I will.
He went to his mothers house and said A heard you say the following about her - how dare you say this - you no longer welcome in my house and don't call when I am in work otherwise my wife will call the police to have you removed.
My friend and her husband with NC with her then. A few years later mil got altizimers and their has been very limited contact since then. One day my friends sister in law asked her to help out with mil to be told I am to busy to do this.

Thank you all for your support! I felt quite upset reading your personal stories as I just can't imagine treating a child/child's partner this way so don't understand why others can.
Her comments are stuck in my head and I'm struggling to cancel them out, years of name calling and putting me down just swirling around but whilst it's upsetting it's making me feel more determined to cut her out.
Myself and my partner were talking last night about how nothing is really tying us to where we live now, my siblings are about to move away, and his family live 45 minutes away too. We were fantasising about moving to the Scottish highlands but I think that's a dream for when we're retired 😂