University life

[Sissysmum]

My 20 year old is at university several hundred miles from home. She had a fantastic first year in halls, made friends with all the people in halls and really blossomed. She has always been a quiet girl and lacked confidence. She always sees the best in people and is in no way bitchy. She is in a a flat this year ( year 2) with some people from halls. Half the people in halls had chosen in their first week they would be living together in year 2 . It was all led by one particular girl who really took a dislike to my daughter. She would say really hurtful things and went out her way to exclude her from things. She went on to be nasty to several others in the flat and completely stopped talking to one of the other girls ( will call her D) My daughter and D became good friends the both agreed that they and several others would flat share in their third year. However on returning to uni in September my daughter has been totally frozen out. D is now back friends with this girl and my daughter has found out they have all signed a lease on a flat and she has not been included! She is distraught, she has no one to live with next year and has now only one real friend! She has no idea what she has done and no one will talk to her! Any advice greatly received x

That is horrible. A similar thing happened to my DD. She has managed to make friends with a girl on her course and though it is early yet, they are tentatively talking about sharing next year.

Can your DD focus on friends on her course or join a social activity and meet more people there?

It really is very early (for some uni towns, though maybe not all I realise) to be worrying about next autumn.

Get your dd to talk to others about the fact she is now struggling to find anywhere to live for year 3.

DD1 had similar happen in 1st year where 3 of her flatmates went on to get a flat with 4 others for year 2. She after a while was approached by 2 girls from one of her societies if she would consider moving in with them for year 2. She did and made 2 very close friends having an amazing year. About halfway through year 2 one of the girls from her year 1 came to her very sheepisly and basically said she had been dooped, she missed her and would she consider them sharing in year 3. She is now in year 3 sharing with 1 of the girls from year 1 and a mutual friend and loving it.

However I recall just how hurt she was when she discovered they had gone out to get a flat without her.

She unfortunately put all her eggs in one basket with these friends. She did go to a few societies but because her " friends" didn't want to go and she wasn't sure about going on her own she stopped doing them!
She has got a few friends on her course but they all seemed to have found flat mates for year 3 or are staying in same flats as this year.
She is not great at putting herself out there. I just can't believe that people who were her friends a few months ago can be so mean. They didn't even tell her she heard from a third party.

Is there an option for her to go back in to halls of residence as student support for first years?

That’s a horrible situation, but she should count herself lucky that she won’t be living with them next year. Many unis offer second and third years the opportunity to live in halls, and there are often halls run by private providers which are popular with second/third years. Would this be an option for her?