is she really my best friend or not?

[corrianderlover]

my best friend and me are getting married our weddings are a few months apart, is it wrong of me to get pissed off, that she is not inviting my to be husband? i would never not invite her to be husband as i think he is a part of her and she is my best friend, but she has still decided not to invite mine and even said to me, she only wants to invite people she likes, i don't particularly like her other half but i dont show it and i accept who she chooses,

I even had an argument with my TBH and he accepted even though hes not invited he will let me invite hers, because all he wants is me to be happy.

atm im feeling i value the friendship more than her, what should i do. after this i dont think i can be best friends with her anymore, my feeling have been really hurt, what do you think or am i just being childish?

I do wonder op whether or not she sees you as her best friend. You say you all work together, that doesn’t sound like best friends to me. Of course we can be v close to a work friend but how long have you worked together? Most best friends I would say are through school, uni etc, ie having history together. I could be wrong of course but my guess would be that she doesn’t see you as her be at friend at all and therefore didn’t see the obligation to invite your husband to be

Doesn’t see you as her best friend obvs not be at

@GiveHerHellFromUs yes that's exactly right. I mean I think as a best friend you should make effort to like their partner right? I just can't see a best friendship if there is no mutual respect for each other's partner. I mean most importantly is that they treat ur best friend right isn't it.?

@Ohyesiam we were there for each other when we had bad break up from our previous relationship. I guess friendships fade after a while. She says I'm her bestie. But some stuff she does makes me question it. When I'm friends with some one I'm quite protective. She tells me people put her down says she's too fat both pretty blah blah blah and I stick up for her then I find out these ppl are invited to the wedding and some inc their partners that she's only met a few times. I feel it's a huge slap to the face. Or maybe I'm just holding on and making excuses for something that was there but is now long gone.

as i think he is a part of her!
🤮🤮🤮

Ultimately op you've got limited choices.
You can tell her you won't go unless he's invited. That's def your friendship over.
You can tell her again that you're disappointed but will come as you care about her. I'd drop the socialising as a 4some tho.
Tell her that's totally fine, then send an invite to her only. May well end the friendship.

I would be offended, I think sometimes we just have to put ourselves out and I think an invite to your fiancé would be the decent thing to do

Does your friend’s husband sit on the fence in debates and avoid conversation because your husband who tries very hard to make conversation and debate with him actually holds offensive views which he wants to avoid getting into? There’s got to be more to your best friend not inviting your fiancé to her wedding because she thinks he’s too serious at work.

@ComtesseDeSpair. He just thinks it's polite to engage all parties in conversationninstead of leaving then left out. It's just general stuff like. What u been up to. Any holidays planned. General stuff.

Maybe she thinks she thinks her life is better than mine?

I mean I think as a best friend you should make effort to like their partner right? I just can't see a best friendship if there is no mutual respect for each other's partner. I mean most importantly is that they treat ur best friend right isn't it.?

You can't automatically decide to like someone purely because they're a friend's significant other, any more than you're obliged to like your friends' friends. Some people just have appalling taste in spouses. Generally, you see them one on one and avoid being in the company of their other halves.

However, liking/disliking your best friend's partner is an entirely separate thing to not inviting them to your wedding which, yes, assuming there's no big backstory, or guest numbers are not very restrictive, is a snub.

But to be honest, I think the concept of a best friend is a bit juvenile, anyway, at least after your teens.

She or her fiancé do not have to like yours , no one has to like anyone else .. but is rude not to invite him as your partner . But remember the MN mantra it's an invite not a summons you don't have to go

Do you think the friendship isn't as close and she's backing away?

Idk but I think I should back away and just let it be, she hasn't made effort to talk abt . Either that or she's just waiting for things to cool down before we talk again. We both busy planning our wedding what do u all think?

I think you definitely ought to back away corianderlover.

Ive just had a similar conversation with my 21 year old. She worked with her boyfriend, her best friend, her boyfriends brother, his girlfriend etc. It all seemed lovely. They worked together and socialised together to the exclusion of other people. This was all great while it was great, but when my daughter and her boyfriend broke up she was heartbroken and lost, then a few weeks later her ‘best friend’ slept with him. She’s devastated. Anyway, we’ve talked about work friendships and how they can be so intense, but the intensity rarely lasts when one person leaves the workplace, no matter how you feel at the time.

Have you thought that your friend might be jealous of you? Your husband to be is in a more responsible position. Does he earn more? If he does, I bet that’s what her problem is. Personally I’d try to back away a little bit, and make some new friends, and get in touch with old ones. She doesn’t sound very nice, and her husband to be is rude and boring. Did she get engaged straight after you?

@UnitedRoad we got engaged after 1 year and focused on having a baby first then marry but she recently got engaged after 1 year too . So our weddings are abt a month apart. At the start it was all exciting and then I decided on this wedding company. Which she choose too. Then it all started to get a bit funny. She would ask me abt my wedding . And I had no problem to tell. But when I asked abt hers she kept it very vague like she wanted to keep it a secret. That's when all these feelings came abt. Some of my friends did mention abt her being jealous. Honestly it didn't cross my mind at all. But maybe.

Out of curiosity who gets married first ? If it's her do you think you may be walking into a wedding that's the duplicate of yours ?
Also if your fiancé is not attending with you, due to her very specific wishes of not wanting to invite him, you are there on your own without support. If she has carbon copied your wedding, she's then sticking boot in by humiliating you on your own. Not one other person there would know anything was wrong or any idea of situation. It's just you and her that know the significance.
I appreciate that sounds very cynical

@DixieTrix I get married first.