I feel at a complete crossroads in my life and don't know what to do

[BlackMirror]

Background:

Split with ex 3 years ago after buying a house. Fighting a lot due to having a new baby and stress i guess.
Kids are now nearly 7 and 4. Youngest was 9 months when we split.

It's been a long and hard 3 years on my own, they go to his eo weekend. No family nearby, nothing, alone.

Current situation:

Was v ill for 6 weeks, felt even more alone but had to carry on in normal single parent fashion. Anxiety increased due to illness.

Youngest due to start reception 2020 and I feel I want to move back near my family now before she starts. my mum owns a 1 bed flat we could move into - would this be crazy??

Feel extreme guilt for son who is found school hard but has amazing friends.
Also their dad is here, maybe he'll move to be closer but not guaranteed, so the kids would have to travel to see him.

I don't know what to do, but I'm not happy here alone and not sure I could do it another 6 years while daughter is in school.

Any advice welcome as I'm seriously doing my head in going over all the options.

Thank you.

Other option, try and reconcile with ex, life would be so much simpler, but we had issues, but were they down to having 2 small kids?

About an hour drive if no traffic

A one bed with three kids? I wouldn’t.

ActualHornist - 2 kids

2kids - I do feel very alone, he has them 1 night every 14 days, that's a lot of time alone for me with 2 v spirited kids. Even if you are alone more, I still feel alone.

I have made a good social network here with parents of dc friends but they are more friendly acquaintances, not people I'd call on, they're all married so I don't want to bother them.

My anxiety has got v bad surrounding night times, worrying something bad will happen and I won't cope as I'm far from anyone.

Do you think it would be that bad in a 1 bed for a year ? It's secure, no deposit needed and I can take my cats

BlackMirror that sounds tough. Could your ex do another night? Have you asked? Could he do every Friday plus every other Saturday?

I understand what it's like to feel alone. It has taken me years to get myself together after divorce and I still have difficult times. What I can tell you though is that children get easier. You've done the most difficult part. Honestly, if you can do two such young children alone and you are all still going you have done well.

I personally wouldn't move my children away from their father. That said if he sees them one night in 14 that really isn't much. Does he want to be more involved? Its not a lot of time with his children.

Do you work? Being able to work made a huge difference to me. Something that isn't about children. Because as great as a school network is, I needed to escape. That happened once youngest DC got free nursery hours.

Can you talk to your GP about the anxiety? I don't have experience of cbt but i wonder if it might help.

Oh yes sorry - I misread the bit about your then-9 month old!

I guess it depends on the size of the bedroom and living areas. And whether you can afford a decent sofa bed.

If you are generally good at saving and it will be only a year, then I think that’s fine. I know personally I’d be wary, only because I doubt my ability to save anything at all with kids!

intothesea thank you. I either stay near ex and have zero support except the time he has them or move, he said he might move nearer to us if we do.
He won't have them more, discussed lots before.
I'm calling my gp tomorrow about anxiety as it's getting worse.
I was working up until a couple of months ago when my post was deleted. I'm looking and think it will help me lots

Actual - I thought I would be ok too but everyone has said it'll be awful and put me off